Time for a change

Well i would never imagine myself writing in a forum like this but this might help me and some people out there.If its even one that would be good by me.
The story goes like this:Now im 25 and when i was a teenager around 13 i think i,got into porn.It started out normal just two people having sex but then ofc when you get bored with these stuff you want to move on to something more extreme.I got into lesbians,hardcore lesbians and toys.Then i tried some of the toys myself while i got into femdom.I wasn't feeling really good about it afterwards because i was ashamed and that got a huge impact in my phycology.But i couldn't help and wonder if i didn't have online porn and watched these stuff would i be into it?
The answer was no,i wouldn't.Porn has messed with my mind but then i was viewing it as something normal because all people masturbate...Using the toys made me feel more feminine and could relate more to the girls which actually was ironic cause from my point of view my character aint feminine which made me feel like not knowing what i was or what i want.So i experienced feelings such as being lost in my mind,being alone, depressed and hating myself for letting me feel that way.Thats how i felt...hate for myself which im sure many people here feel this way.Anyway i stopped using the toys ,focused more on porn to tell you the truth and again hardcore stuff ofc but after two years i relapsed with the toys thing.I mean if you do not get rid of the source what you expect?I tried the NoFap thing one year ago and to tell you the truth it worked but do not get your hopes up yet because in this story im keeping things real.
So i didn't know many things about NoFap but lets say it was an agreement between me and god that if i stop this he would help me get rid of my porn desires.This lasted two to three months in which when i had any sexual temptation i tried to think of something else which now i understand is completely pointless but anyway,i had crazy amounts of energy i mean look ofc this would happen all this thing builds and builds and you have to focus all that energy somewhere or you go nuts and guess what in my case the desire of having a sexual intercourse to say so i can keep this pg13 with a girl was faaaar more important than the toys and trust me that felt good.After two to three months of that i fantasized a girl so i relapsed and after that started porn again so i relapsed to the other habits.I realized that there is no way you can just avoid thinking about something but in this case The main problem was that masturbating and porn was taking away my motivation to do new things and become who i was inspiring to be and i don't want that for myself,i feel like im hurting myself.I Imean lets get real here if you watch a porn video do you really think you have the urge to go out and find a girl?Would you be satisfied with the things the normal girl would do?Would you have the energy to start something new?I dont really think so but everything should be balanced, meaning watching some porn online and masturbating to it ten times per day has personally changed me into liking things i never thought i would.Dont get me wrong if you are into stuff and you wanna do this with your partner thats completely acceptable but if youre sitting behind a computer screen all day doing this stuff by yourself and feeling depressed and going nowhere with your life...(cause im sure you can tell something is off and wrong) i dont think that very good for you as it wasn't for me.The porn is over for me i do not have a hard time staying away from it,the problem is with the fantasies that came from porn and masturbating to them.Ill try nofap and see if these go away and return back to normal and towards to the person i want to be.I dont fear failure cause i know one day i might see a hot girl and might have a relapse once but i want to teach the ability to myself how to handle situations like these and get back up.Thats whats important for me, getting back up.Ill start a weekly vlog as well so wish me luck