Time to Be Better

It's time I become the man I've always wanted to be. I need to be strong, stand up for myself, and take responsibility for my actions. I deserve better than who I am today.

I am 26 years old and porn and masturbation have robbed me of a fulfilling sex life and the ability to have real romance with women. In high school I discovered porn and quickly became addicted to femdom porn. Although I've never been a daily porn user, porn and masturbation to this fetish quickly became my primary sexual outlet, and being a shy kid, I turned away from dating and being social with girls. This fetish has taken over my sexual life and makes sexual pleasure outside of it very difficult. Since high school I have dated much more and become more comfortable with girls, but I have never been able to sustain a lengthy relationship, and I believe PMO is at least partly to blame. From becoming more intimate with girls, I realized that my PMO was causing ED and that I couldn't perform in normal sexual situations with girls. Girls I cared about. I believe this warping of my brain from PMO has caused me to develop ED and because of it, by pretty much any standard, I would be considered a virgin.

I have been trying NoFap for over a year now, with my longest streak being 44 days, but I still have the same problems I've always had. My PMO habits are certainly more in-check than they were before I started this, but the facts of the matter remain:

1. PMO is all I have as far as a sex life right now
2. My fetish for femdom porn continues to warp my brain and keep me from enjoying women naturally, which is what I truly want
3. PMO has caused me to develop ED, which has sabotaged my sexual experiences and relationships
4. PMO has kept me from emotionally and sexually fulfilling relationships with women
5. Oftentimes, I don't feel like a man

Despite all this, I am a pretty happy person. I have great friends, a wonderful family, and a solid career path. I feel like I have a positive outlook on life and I have much to be proud of and thankful for. However, my frustrations with PMO and an inability to find sexual satisfaction and meaningful, long-lasting relationships with women have been a huge burden on my enjoyment of life. Moments of ED and lost love have devastated me, and I would hope that these experiences jolt me into decisive action, but thus far this has not been the case. That said, I know this is a difficult challenge and my porn-addicted brain is both powerful and illogical, hence my inability to overcome these issues.

I'm not getting any younger. I want to save my sexual and romantic life while I'm still (sorta) young. That's why I'm pushing myself to become more involved in the NoFap community (more so than my normal Reddit contributions) by introducing myself here. I'm also going to start a journal to keep track of progress and jot down thoughts along the way. And of course, I'm hoping to interact more will fellow NoFappers to gain words of wisdom and offer support of my own when I can.

No PMO, period. That is my goal. At least not until I can control my urges and perform completely with a real girl.

Time for a serious reboot. Time to be better

 

Thank you innercall!!