Time to end it all.

jurte

jurte

Fapstronaut
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
 
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I've been addicted since about 12 and I'm 41. I do get the urge to kill myself but I know there's no way to prepare my family for it.
I've joined a 12 step program and that gives me people to talk to in person so before you end it completely, please consider one of these. I'm part of SA but there's SAA which is apparently more liberal and you can join any addiction help groups and you'll find like minded people. Also look out for suicide helplines or find a councillor because being so certain about ending it shows that you're not healthy and need help
 
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Sean Edie said:
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I've been addicted since about 12 and I'm 4. I do get the urge to kill myself but I know there's no way to prepare my family for it.
I've joined a 12 step program and that gives me people to talk to in person so before you end it completely, please consider one of these. I'm part of SA but there's SAA which is apparently more liberal and you can join any addiction help groups and you'll find like minded people. Also look out for suicide helplines or find a councillor because being so certain about ending it shows that you're not healthy and need help
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I don’t want to continue anything. Just let me die. Death is the only thing I’m interested in.
 
jurte said:
I don’t want to continue anything. Just let me die. Death is the only thing I’m interested in.
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That just proves there's something wrong with you. You probably want someone to stop you because you post it here telling people you're going to do it. Talk to a doctor and they'll find someone that can help you
 
Dude, if you really wanted to die, you would have done it. You wouldn't have reached out here. This is called a "cry for help." You should find someone you can talk to. This is just an anonymous internet forum. We don't know you and you don't know us. Call a suicide hotline. All you have to do is dial 988. You're putting us all in a really fucked up position. Again, we can't help you.
 
jurte said:
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
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I would never recover if my child killed himself. I don’t know your parents, but can you talk to them? I would do anything to help my child.
 
jurte said:
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
Click to expand...
Are you acting on the transmutation practices I passed on to you? Every day? Nothing will change until you ACT. And that change takes time. Am I completely free of pmo? No, but I’m not going to just give up.
 
I know this sounds obvious but it’s hard to see it this way when you’re poisoned by PMO, but you feel this way because you’re on PMO. Give yourself the opportunity to at least have a different viewpoint and perspective. Give yourself the chance to be at least 30 days free and then evaluate your current thoughts to your new ones. Not everything will be squeaky clean and happy go lucky but there should be some gears turning and the ability to be more resilient against challenging feelings and stress. You’re letting PMO defeat you right now
 
I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone there to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, StopSuicide maintains a list of online instant messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But, that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!
 
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im pretty much the same .

i am so fed up and bored of all this

i sit alone day after day bored of boredom.

nothing is good anymore besides food
 
Onceagain2.0 said:
i do and have my entire life ultimately its all boring.
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"Boredom tries to substitute the new discovery, fulfilment and happiness of the consciousness, of presence."
Try casting your mind back to any happy memories you have from childhood. Then try asking yourself, "why has that happiness left me?"
 
jurte said:
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
Click to expand...
Instead of overthinking and overanalysing the situation i will recommend you to fully experience negitive feelings.Currently you are resisting the situation but by resistance you go more in deep. Simply ask yourself i am ready to experience this whole shit willingly without any resistance. Somehow you need to activate your conscious brain. After this focus on relax. The negative aura will settle down automatically. No matter how big problem solver you are Sometimes it won’t work. So let time to heal you. You have to stop pushing so hard on yourself. I’m not a good narrator not good in English but hopefully you get my point.
 
jurte said:
Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?
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You don't. They expect you to live and bring a bit of light into their lives in the decades to come. Did you think you're alive only for your sake? To make yourself feel good and nothing else? No wonder you are in a bad mental state.

jurte said:
I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend
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You had two girlfriends and you're bitching about how bad your life is? Some didn't even have one proper love relationship.

jurte said:
I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.
Click to expand...
That sounds more like a good attitude! But I think you'll be disappointed because Russia makes these sorts of threats constantly. The current invasion was a surprising turn of events because they finally kept their word. They burned themselves badly, I wouldn't expect them trying it again, let alone against a NATO member.
 
jurte said:
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
Click to expand...

I started my habit of MO at 14. PMO came into the picture in and around that same time albeit magazines and Sears catalogs in that era. It really started to crank up in the later 90s with internet and I didn't finally get a handle on it until recently. I'd say I've been solidly off PMO for about 5-6 years with the occasional MO here and there. I'm 53. If I can take a several decade habit starting back in the early 80s and destroy it, so can you. Stay strong. Kick PMO/MO out of your life for good.
 
jurte said:
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
Click to expand...


If you kys over a porn addiction that's pathetic to be blunt. Besides your family will never recover from such a shock. This Irish singer Sinead O Connor recently passed away, her 17 y.o son killed himself last year and that took a heavy toll on her. You think you can hurt your family so much?

Get close to God dude, that's helping me kick my addiction. There's so many things you can try and will eventually get control of this shit. Here to talk if you want man, don't panic.
 
jurte said:
TL;DR: Porn won, I want to die. Stop with your bullshit about beauty of life and my potential, there isn’t any and I don’t have any. Better tell me, what’s the best way to prepare my parents mentally for my death?

Before you start with your self help bullshit and tell me that you simply have to download porn blockers or it will be better and I just have to wait, hear me out.

I’ve been a porn addict since I was 12. Amount of stuff throughout the years that I watched is enormous, I’m sure none of you went through the same thing as me. 3 times a day for seven years in a row. Since I was nineteen, I’ve been fighting this shit. NoFap, books, meditations, cold showers, porn blockers, praying. Nothing works.

I’m 23, recently broke up with my second girlfriend. Mostly because of stuff unrelated to my addiction, but still, the cornerstone of negativity in my life is PMO, so it all adds up. My addiction is not vanilla pornhub watching crap. No, I love to post my naked body for attention on Reddit or pay for video chats on CooMeet.

It all doesn’t matter, because i decided to finally end my life. I know nobody gives a fuck about me and I’m just a burden. I want to die, really. You can say all your stuff about forgiving Lord and all of that, but I know he hates me because I betrayed him, and I respect Him for that. Soon, none of this will matter anyways. I’m certain Russians will attack my country next since they’ve been making threats about it recently. And I would love to die in a battle with these cocksuckers.

If not, I think self immolation is pretty great. So I feel the pain and punish myself for all the sins in my life.
Click to expand...

Take a moment to really see how many people have replied to this forum. Understand that even though we are all strangers here, we still care about you and you are valued. Suicide is the most extreme response you could have to your porn addiction. If you are contemplating doing something extreme like that, then why not do something extreme that will help you?
Go out into the woods and camp for a week with no screens. Bring supplies and learn how to survive in the wilderness. Throw your computer and smartphone in the river and buy a flip phone. Move to a ski resort and work as a lift operator. Save up money for a ticket to Tibet and go be a literal monk for a few years. Throw yourself into a situation where it demands your complete focus and attention and understanding. It may sound difficult and painful to do these things, but you are contemplating taking your own life here. Anything is better than that.

I know what you are going through. I wanted to take my own life for years. The idea ate away at my mind every day. I finally decided that I would save up enough money to travel and see the world, and only then would I take my own life. I still haven't traveled the world, but somewhere along the way I found some hope and meaning in my life, and it has kept me going. There are people who love you and care for your well-being, even if you can't see them in front of you. We might be strangers here on NoFap, but you are still valued and we want you to stay on this Earth with us.
 
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