Feeling so low right now, things had been going ok as far as P usage goes. However I had been picking up on some dodgy secretive stuff that we had talked to death about in the past, because they were minor and wouldn't have even been an issue in the relationship I let it slide giving the benefit of the doubt, it may have been forgotten about (which he's very good at) Where my issue lies is with the deception and dishonesty behind it and why???? The first was phone calls with the ex mother in law that even when questioned numerous times said there had been no contact, it really hurt to see the lying all over again. My issue was not the contact but why all the secrecy behind it, obviously he thinks it's wrong to have to keep it secret , so now yes I do have an issue with contact with this person or anyone else he's secretive about. It became really obvious the other day when I saw text come into his phone, one from his daughter and another from a female friend of his (that he is friends with both her and her partner, I know them) He picked up his phone and said "oh (daughter's name)" read the message and put his phone down. So I said oh and (friends name). So he knew I had seen it and the whole cover up. He said if I had of waited 2 more minutes he would have told me, but he'd put his phone down and lost the opportunity so I'm not buying it. It made me see the lying deceptive person was still there. I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days and gone over our conversations both P related and other and have realized anything he has come clean about is only when I push and push and he has gauged the fact that I know for sure there has been absolutely nothing ever volunteered. There are things that I've worked out but never discussed and hes never mentioned it either so I still feel like there hasn't been full disclosure and he will only come clean to what he thinks I know. The relationship has been riddled with dishonesty and deception right from the start but it was always talked away and made out to not be a big deal or what it looked like. So I stuck around thinking, hoping it would get better or change. For a while I thought it was things were going well but now I've seen those same behaviors again. He says he loves me and wants it to work, he says he's trying and I can see it a bit but because of this I feel it hasn't changed and he will continue to have his own life, I will always be kept in the dark and oh I don't tell you because "l" didn't think it was important (seriously after all the conversations!!!!) Right now I'm wondering who is this person I've got myself mixed up with, I don't know the magnitude he will continue to lie?? Is he even capable of honesty?? Does he really want to make it work?? Because someone that continues to that is sending me double messages, words without actions time and time again. I've told him countless times what I want from the relationship and it seems to all fall on deaf ears. As much as he says he wants it, I just don't see the total commitment and effort don't get me wrong I do see a bit but not the pull out all stops to make up for all the damage and completely turn around all of my hurt and the way I've been made feel. I do not want to leave but I can't do it anymore. I want him to be the person he pretends he is, I want to have the future as we've talked about and I can't see any other way. I'm so lost and confused. How many chances can you give?