Tips for dealing with social anxiety

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by scote73, May 14, 2016.

  1. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    I have social anxiety. However, it doesn't control my motivation to attempt being social as often as I can.

    Everyone has their own ways of dealing with social anxiety that work for them, however, here's what I do:

    1) First and foremost, be kind. Always be kind.

    I understand that this goes without saying. However, giving yourself the reputation of being approachable will always give you social opportunities...even when you can't make the most of all your opportunities, they will always come your way.

    2) Respond organically, in your unique way, to social situations...not as you expect people think you should.

    This is another way of saying 'just be yourself'. For a long time, I said things that I thought would be appropriate for someone to say, and not what I would personally say in response to a situation (I still do this sometimes, but not as much anymore). Yeah, people will like talking to you if you say things that fit their expectations, but they will never understand who your true self is. You will have a much easier time connecting with people when you can "just be yourself", despite any amount of "social awkwardness" that may ensue.

    3) Seriously, don't be afraid to say something stupid.

    Everyone says stupid will say stupid things in your's an inevitability. For much of my life, I tried my hardest to keep from saying something stupid, and when I did, I thought about it for much longer than I care to admit...even when everyone else had long forgotten. Nowadays, I've loosened my filter quite a bit. I still say stupid things quite often, but after I've laughed it off, it's like it never even happened. It also doesn't hurt to own up to it, either. Admit that what you just said was probably stupid.

    4) Stop trying so damn hard to impress people. Nobody's impressed.

    What does impress people is the figurative light that shines from your unique personality. Honestly, I don't feel like I do too much when I hang out with people, but they still tend to go out of their way to tell me how awesome of a time they had with me. If people express how good of a time they had with you, trust me, you're doing something right!

    5) Always, ALWAYS, respect people's matter how wrong you think they are!

    Hell, even I'm not perfect at this. I still find myself thinking, how in the world could someone feel this way? My best tip to you when someone expresses a feeling that you don't agree with, is to ask questions...while also doing your best not to get defensive. If they talk to you, great. Don't be afraid to express your feelings either, just do it in a respectful manner. That is exactly how effective communication works. Also, if they can't talk about it (or, more appropriately, if they have a hard time talking about it), you also have to respect their desire not to talk about it. That is a great way to develop trust with an individual.

    Remember, being socially anxious isn't a bad thing. It's not something that has to "go away" for you to function socially. You can be outgoing and introverted at the same time! If you're struggling with social anxiety, don't be afraid to throw me a PM. I'll know where you're coming from, and I'll do my best to help.
  2. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

  3. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    Those articles were very interesting reads, thanks for sharing @avatarivn .

    After reading, I'm definitely gonna try and cut back a bit on the caffeine, and gives me a little more motivation to go to the gym. Plus, it's very interesting how certain foods can increase anxiety! Definitely going to save those articles for reference.
  4. ChristoX8

    ChristoX8 Fapstronaut


    Hey guys, quick question! I haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years, I didn't get more than 1 hug from 1 girl since 2001, any idea how to deal with social anxiety? My case is pretty extreme. lol I'm so comfortable with men and interviews, some people, they can never perform in jobs interviews but I do so well in jobs interviews, as you can see, I'm really socially comfortable overall but with girls, the lack of experience drown me. My therapist said I can't expect to be great by magic and I need to practise, practise, practise, I get the point but I get all sweaty when a cute girl is entering my personal space. I fight the anxiety with all I got but I get sweaty, I get butterflies, I feel like I'm falling in love with every girl that get close to me and is hot loll and I get an erection. To me it's perfectly normal and natural, I had ONE hug in the last FIFTEEN YEARS!! but as you've guessed, it makes it very tough for me to not look incredibly awkward with girls.

    Today, I was wearing these sunglasses and I know people can't see my eyes through them so I sit in front of a girl, didn't even look at her then I do and wow, she was the most beautiful girl I've seen in a long, long time. Then I realise her breasts are just incredible and I couldn't stop looking, I couldn't stop!! She was too beautiful, please have mercy! lol I got hard and I was reading The art of the Comeback, by Donald Trump. This girl, she'd keep looking at me (and my erection? that wouldn't go away) and I was so uncomfortable I got stuck on page 25 for over 10 minutes! LOL Nothing made any sense in my mind anymore, all I wanted was this girl and I didn't know how to read anymore. She was staring at me BIG TIME, with her mesmerizing eyes and I was so attracted to her, I get butterflies just thinking about it. When you are THAT attracted to a girl, what do you do? I can't seduce a girl in this state, I had to bite my lips because I felt they would shake otherwise.
  5. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut


    While I don't know your entire situation, it seems like the only thing holding you back is your anxiety with girls. You seem to be a pretty likable person who can do well socially otherwise.

    Right now, just looking at a female will trigger your brain into sending certain signals that gives you anxiety. I can be the same way, actually. You need more practical advice than just "practice practice practice". That only works when you can get over the anxiety of even approaching girls, right? So save that tip for later, because practice will ultimately work.

    It probably goes without saying, but right now you're putting girls on so high of a pedestal that you need a telescope to see them. The first thing you have to work on is seeing them as your "equal".

    A couple of questions: do you have a job, and if so, do you occasionally work with girls? I was much like you when I was a young adult, until I worked a fast food job that basically forced me to work with girls on a daily basis. Working with girls definitely helped me learn how to see them as human (I mean, instead of super-human), and over time it became much easier to just be myself with them.

    The other question: are you into or have you considered online dating? Many here wouldn't recommend it, but maybe it would be easier for you to break the ice if your not actually looking the girl in the face right away? Just a theory.

    I'm sure others here could give you some great advice as well, don't be afraid to ask around the forum. Please throw me a PM if you would like to talk about this discreetly.
  6. ChristoX8

    ChristoX8 Fapstronaut

    That's right, Scote73. Anxiety with girls is a big problem for me, quite possibly the only thing holding me back.

    Oh yeah, absolutely. You gotta be in control, to be comfortable with girls and I lose all control when they're too beautiful. With NoFap, 9 girls out of 10 is now a perfect 10. LOL That girl in the bus was like, a 20 out of 10 if that's even possible. I felt the same as in high school, when I was about to receive a shot, so uncomfortable, almost pain. That's right, I'm too anxious to approach them so ''practice practice practice'' doesn't happen, it never happen. All right, I'll save it for later.

    Yes, I read a lot about that but I seem completly oblivious how on to do it. I tell myself I will look at them as my ''equal'' then all I can think about is how hot they are, how I'd like to kiss them, to fu** them. loll It screws me up, BIG TIME.

    I do have a job but no, I don't work with girls very often. It's very rare. Okay. Well, I'd do it with pleasure if this was possible but right now, there aren't many girls that work at my job. Maybe one day.

    Mmh, I'm scared of the rejection so when a girl wants to talk to me and it happens maybe 40 times a month, I just go into hiding. Hahahaha. I make the move to get them to talk to me but when the app tells me they actually want to talk to me, I flee. Maybe it would be easier, I could try, if I can find the courage. I really want to but I feel anxious already, just thinking about it.

    All right, thanks for all the help, it's very appreciated! :)

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