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Tips for getting a date other than online dating?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Jack778, Sep 24, 2020.

  1. Jack778

    Jack778 Fapstronaut

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    Got to 21 days no PMO and started doing tinder - then relapse at 26 days

    I live in London and there's a lockdown (as in many other places).

    I'm early 40s, in reasonable shape not bad looking but kind of introverted and don't have a social circle since they closed down work and my mates either settled down and had kids or just fell away.

    I was reluctant to use tinder but I was feeling horny and wanted to get a date.

    I usually have to spend absolute hours on dating apps to get one date but the risk are I find it triggering for 2 reasons. 1) lots of half naked pics of girls and 2) generally frustrating, get match, send message, no answer or maybe an exchange of messages and try and arrange a date and get a lot of flaking = frustration and wanting to do PMO

    So I'm back to try and reach a 28 day reboot.

    So the question is - any tips for getting a date that don't involve online dating?

    Practical, effective methods please - preferably ones you have used yourself.

    For the purpose of this thread - if you haven't done it yourself then dont say it
     
  2. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    1. Cold approaching
    2. Through social circle/friends (including female friends), but telling exactly what you want
    3. Workplace (only when I saw some signs of interest first)
    4. I feel that one of the best ways is to inscribe to some club, like to do your hobby and there you can find someone or just meet interesting people with the similar life values (havent tried this yet)
     
  3. Jack778

    Jack778 Fapstronaut

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    Cold approaching, this is the one I feel has the most potential but I've got major approach anxiety.

    When I'm out walking I eye up some women and occasionally they smile back. I've heard this is a good sign but I'm not sure what to do. Scared of being accused of street harassment (UK is a very PC pro feminist place)

    But I have got negative mindsets too.

    Is there a way to ease into or build up the cold approach?
     
  4. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    I am not a master of it, but several times I forced myself to do it when feeling scared (especially when girls were pretty and there were some people around), after that it becomes much easier, sometimes you even don’t think about it.
    I would recommend you to try it firstly in order to get rid of your fear of rejection or at least diminish it, don’t try to find a ‘perfect line’ there is no, don’t overthink, just do it, try not to care too much, even you can be ‘silly’ on purpose in order to get rejected and get rid of your fear (once I started to sing in front of an administrator in gym).

    You can just ask ‘hey, how it is going’ that’s enough or ask/tell something what you want just at the present moment when’s you start talking (again NO overthinking), especially do it if a girl shows interest in you (like you said smiling).
    Right mindset (try to be completely ok or even wish to be rejected) and have fun
     
  5. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Also you can try to speak to strangers in general, men, women, just to make a small talk.
    It’s a question of practice.
     
  6. Jack778

    Jack778 Fapstronaut

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    I do try to speak to people when I'm out like serving staff and receptionists at the gym.

    I do sometimes speak to women I like when I'm out and about - I just don't do it often enough.

    Feel the fear and do it anyway! It's the kind of mindset I need

    Maybe even set myself a target at the weekends
     
  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I can vouch for the friendly cold approach method. No manipulative lines to remember, just show her your honest interest.

    One I would typically say: "Hi, I just saw you (insert activity she was doing, shopping/reading a book/walking her dog), and thought you were cute and I had to meet you, I'm ____). If fun conversation ensues, ask for a number, otherwise it's all good.

    Approaching a woman who smiles back at you is a lot easier to start out.

    And if you try this during your daily routine, rather than going out specifically to meet women for 2 hours etc., then you are likely to be more relaxed and present yourself in a more relaxed and confident manner.
     
    Jack778 likes this.
  8. Jack778

    Jack778 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Reborn - that's a nice simple opener. Will try to use it some time when I'm out and about.

    Got talking to a girl in a coffee shop queue - it was a short chat and there were lots of people around and I was being called for me coffee. There was a quite a nice vibe between us and she had looked at me a bit before I talked to her as we waited for our coffee after making the order.

    Transition from the situational opener - any thoughts on how to make this kind of short interaction count? How to move from some chit chat to something more like a date or getting a number?
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  9. Scotch&Soda

    Scotch&Soda Fapstronaut

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    Hi Jack,

    I don't know if you ever heard of dating coach Corey Wayne? He has many videos on youtube and a very interesting book. It helps you with problems like these and with understanding women. I feel like it's a great place to start to get the right mindset in place.

    Try it and thank me later;)
     
    Jack778 likes this.
  10. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    That's one of the most natural ways to meet someone, nice!

    It's good to take a similar straight forward approach to transitioning. Simply stating you've enjoyed meeting her, but have to get to an appointment or something, and would like to catch up soon.

    The words don't really matter. You can say things that are just random and she'll forget it in 10 minutes. What she will remember is your intention, whether you smiled and looked in her eyes and was interested in her.

    Only other thing I can recommend is to time it right. It can be tempting to keep chatting if you hit it off well, but when starting out it can be good to 'strike while the iron is hot'.

    Alternatively, there will be occasions where you meet a girl who hasn't got any plans that day and is really enjoying your company - in which case you can transition straight to a date then and there. This is also a bonus, as the leadership in taking her from one setting to another is the kind of adventure that builds attraction for her.
     
  11. Jack778

    Jack778 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Scotch

    Thanks, I will have look at Corey Wayne's youtube
     
  12. Jack778

    Jack778 Fapstronaut

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    I really like that - INTENTION.

    Like I said, I get into these conversations a few times a week with attractive women.

    So, its about the intent. Look in the eyes, and do whatever comes into my mind to ask the girl out. The words don't matter and you are 100% right

    I will try and take this up a gear next time I'm that situation - and report back!

    Always great to share experiences and tips
     
    ruso likes this.
  13. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    For sure, looking forward to any updates!

    I truly believe experience is the best way we can learn and grow. And in going out a few times a week like you are you're doing just that.

    You may find this helpful also. I just came across it today and found it useful as I'm getting back into the game after a break.

     

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