Tired but cant control.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Dutt, Dec 18, 2016.

  1. Dutt

    Dutt New Fapstronaut


    I am new to NoFap. Got to know about this from a video by Improvement Pill on youtube. Never thought such a community existed. But now that I have found it I am hoping some of you folks who have controlled masturbation can help me out.

    I am tired of fapping. Just tired of it. I am able to control it during the day, but at nights, just cant. If I dont do it, I just cant sleep. This has been the case since a few months now. The worst thing is, now-a-days I cant sleep if i dont fap more than once. I just cant sleep.

    This has affected me in a lot of ways. Its like im slowly losing control of myself. Every day I wake up I promise that tonight i'll sleep early and get up early and exercise, cause you know im obese. But even though I go to sleep early, I cant fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the night and only after a few faps.

    I donot know if this is the reason why I am uninterested in a lot of things, simple things like socializing or doing house chores.

    I quit my job couple of months ago, decided to improve my skills in computer applications and at the same time workout and become healthy, but as you may have guessed, I did nothing but eat, sleep, play video games, repeat. And now I cant even play the games, just feeling uninterested in launching them. All I have been doing since a couple of weeks in binge-watching TV shows. Is this because of my problem with masturbation or am I just lazy ? or is it both and related?

    Seriously, I would really be grateful if anyone could offer me some advice on this or guide me to something that I can learn from.

    Apart from the huge problem above, my name is Dutt. I am from India. A gooner and a gamer. I have a bike on which I like going on road trips. Love to read great novels, especially in sci-fi genre.

    Thanks in advance !
    D . J . likes this.
  2. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

    Good luck, Dutt! And welcome!
    D . J . likes this.
  3. Tiny antelope

    Tiny antelope Fapstronaut

    It's great to have you here Dutt. I can only speak from my own experience, a lack of sleep can lead to all sorts of problems including loss of motivation even depression. When I can't sleep it's because lots of anxious thoughts are racing around my head so what I've found useful is learning some mindfulness techniques that I practice before going to sleep, this could be a good substitute for faping. I don't no if any of this is useful Dutt, but have a good look around the forums and don't be afraid to ask questions I'm certain you'll find someone with a similar experience. Keep posting and don't give up.
    D . J . likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Here is a growing collection of startup strategies compiled from myself and I've added some from others on NoFap. Keep these in mind. This is by no means a be-all-end-all list of suggestions but it is a list for you to use and add to for yourself and modify to meet your needs.
    1. Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. This will not stop you but will slow you down.
    2. Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.
    3. Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.
    4. Follow this link to find out what NoFap is about. Within this link is a link to a glossary of terms commonly used on NoFap. This will help you communicate knowledgeably and more effectively. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/newbies-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/
    5. Go to http://yourbrainonporn.com/ to learn more about the effect PMO has on you. Do this also to educate yourself on the damage you are doing to yourself.
    6. Guard your eyes. Be careful of what you allow yourself to see. No, you cannot live with your eyes closed but you can determine how long you look at something. If you know it may cause you to fall, flee from it! Run in the other direction, sometimes that need to be literal.
    7. Stop placing yourself in situations where the situation has leverage over you. That means stop placing yourself where you know you may get weak and either give in at the moment or later on.
    8. When you see yourself beginning to be in a bad situation (ex. alone with a computer and horny), say what you feel or know you are about to do or likely to do so you can hear yourself say it. (Ex. "I'm alone in a room [with a computer] and I'm feeling lonely [or whatever the emotion is] and horny and I want to [watch watch porn and] masturbate but if I do that, I will have lost the progress I've made". By hearing you say what you are about to do, you may realize the price you pay is not worth what you will receive in return.
    9. Masturbation... do not keep your hands to yourself. Unless you are bathing, changing your underwear or actually using the bathroom, your hands should be nowhere near your penis. YOU ARE BANNED FROM TOUCHING YOUR PENIS FOR RECREATION!!! IT IS NOT A TOY!!!
    10. Your bed is limited to only the time you are sleeping. No laying in bed other than that. As soon you awake, you should get out of bed. Can't sleep, if awake for more than a few minutes, get out of bed until you are sleepy enough to go to sleep.
    11. Keep doors open unless necessary. You need to be isolated as little as possible. You're less likely to M when people can see you.
    12. Keep curtains and blinds open as much as possible. Similar reason as above and also allows light inside. Many time M'ing is more likely in dark places.
    13. At night, keep lights on as often as possible. Similar to above, lights on may lessen your desire to fap.
    14. If you are a naked sleeper or a boxer sleeper, consider sleeping in a in jockstrap, cup or briefs or compression shorts, something more constrictive so that you are less likely to feel movement while falling asleep or when awaking. They may provide a better barrier to prevent those that subconsciously reach for their penis at night or in the morning. They may also be a visual barrier for those that have morning erections too irresistible to not touch.
    15. If you have a faith, lean into it. Allow it to strengthen you in times of weakness. Many of us have gained strength in our weakest moments due to our faith.
    16. Never agree with your temptation. (from @mvp35lusanity)
    17. Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.
    18. Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying, "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time doing other things that were once important to you and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.
    19. Consider joining a group. Allow those with your same interests you give you additional strength. Consider asking for an accountability partner. We in the forum will help you but some may become stronger with one or a few to keep them accountable.
    20. Remember that whatever you feed will grow and whatever you starve will eventually die! Each time you PMO you feed the addiction, each time you resist, you starve the addiction.
    21. [Advice and rant] Along your journey, reflect back to who you were but don't go backwards! What I mean is don't fight to gain a week or a month or 6 months sobriety then waste the progress by "checking to see if my penis still works because I've been flatlining [refer to glossary] and I haven't been horny in awhile". Really? That is only a lie you are telling yourself to MO. If it didn't work, you would feel nothing at all, even when urinating. Seriously! You cannot have it both ways! You cannot complain when you are always horny and then complain when your not horny at all. Consider it a NoFap resting station. Keep moving forward.
    22. Similarly, don't decide to "watch P to see if you are still affected by it! If you have been watching P for a year... 5 years... 10, 20. 30 years, what makes you think being sober for a week to 6 months is going to override all of the years you've been watching P. Think about it! [Note: For those of you who are new to this forum, the previous two may be lies you tell yourself while in recovery. These two may seem crazy and you may think this is common sense but too many have admitted to one of or both of these situations. This is how powerful the addiction can be. Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap of the enemy called a brain addicted to PMO].
    This a journey. Unless you began your addiction yesterday, don't expect to have complete victory by tomorrow. It takes time. We are here for you for as long as it takes.
    Your triggers will be those things that occur and you find yourself wanting to turn to PMO for escape and comfort. There are visual triggers that may be avoided but the emotional triggers are much more difficult to avoid. Here are some common emotional triggers:
    • Laziness
    • Fear
    • Hunger
    • Anger/ aggravation / frustration
    • Lonliness
    • Tiredness
    • Depression
    • Inebriation
    • Depression
    • General stress
    • Need for control/ feeling out of control or loss of control
    • Boredom
    • Helplessness
    Tiny antelope likes this.
  5. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

    nice new ava
  6. Dutt

    Dutt New Fapstronaut

    Thank you guys for the response. Battling it through.
    D . J . likes this.

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