Tired of being alone

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by goodgirlrn, Nov 4, 2019.

  1. goodgirlrn

    goodgirlrn New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,
    I'm new here. 38yo female. Recently started watching porn but can't seem to stop. It's really all I do besides work. I lost my virginity young but haven't had sex in over 20 years. It used to not bother me, but now it's all I think about. I haven't been on a date or had a relationship in years. I'm terrified of men (past trauma), even though I desperately want a relationship. I told myself that I was a "born again virgin" but it seems absolutely ridiculous now. I'm not even sure if this site is for women... Just know that some women deal with the same things.
     
  2. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    Welcome. Yes this site is for all people. Women included.

    I want to warn you as a female announcing to a forum of primarily men with sex addictions that your lonely, it could be setting yourself up for trouble. Please protect yourself. I hope you find help and support.
    You are not alone, there are many who share your pain.

    My advice is learn all you can about "your brain on porn".

    Be careful. Take care of yourself.
     
  3. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    The addiction will sap your energy and make you feel defeated many, many times. I want you to know that if you decide to start this journey, it will certainly not be easy and you will have to battle yourself every step of the way. But start by loving yourself and I guarantee that you will receive love in return. Set a goal for yourself and don't give up until you reach it - whatever that goal is. That's the human experience.
    I believe that there is more love than hate in this world and if you look hard and if you look in the right places, you will certainly find it. But you need to start today and don't go easy on yourself. This kind of addiction has a strong grip and you need to fight it with everything you've got. You have come to the right place. I wish you luck.
     
  4. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Well, according to the Egalitarians on those "can men and women be friends" threads here, they would say you're in good company.
     
  5. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    You're in great company @goodgirlrn . PM me if you have any thoughts or feelings you want to share.
     
    Mr.Chips and control your life like this.
  6. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    The Egalitarians here have protested that men and women can be "just friends", with nothing to worry about at all.
     
  7. RisingAura0010

    RisingAura0010 New Fapstronaut

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    Your not alone. Remove porn from your life right away. Pluck it put from the roots, delete everything remotely porn related.
    It's going to feel like your going insane when you hard stop. When that happens do any outdoor activity it won't be easy. Avoid being alone try to have company a friend, family or ta key walks enything bit being alone with your celogin/computer. You can do this everyone here believe's in you.
     
    control your life and L'empereur like this.
  8. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    Wow, this already seems creepy.
     
    RisingAura0010 likes this.
  9. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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  10. L'empereur

    L'empereur Fapstronaut

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    Very key age. It is either do or die, but don't get terrified. Get excited and let's go. It is time to make a MOVE.
    Your comments are great, but if she was male, wouldn't be creepy. So it is fast to react. I get you fully, though.
     
    FellatiousD likes this.
  11. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Actually, no, it's not creepy that I want to help someone. You assume that I'm only offering to help because she's a female? We're all in this together. You can PM me too if you want.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
    Vince T and dethly like this.
  12. Bob Telhado

    Bob Telhado Fapstronaut

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    Look, you can consult a psychologist specialized on logotherapy (a kind of therapy created by Viktor Frankl)
     
  13. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Hi goodgirlrn, thanks for reaching out.

    I'm replying without reading beyond your opening post so I can accurately give my first impressions.

    It's great to see you've quickly identified you have a problem with porn and can't deal with it alone. Many go for a long time with out realizing it's an issue. As others have likely said, women are welcome here. This is an issue which effects both men and women. The "born again virgin" idea is awesome. I never lost my virginity until I was 31, three sexual encounters with one woman over a span of a month. There was no real connection between us and I felt I had to break away. Haven't had sexual relations with another since. Never have I properly dated or have a real relationship. In a couple days I'll be 38. While I may have "done the deed", I know I've never properly given myself to a women. Looking at it this way one could say I'm still virgin at heart. No way is that ridiculous, not properly learning how to form a connection and dealing with my own personal issues is what was.

    I view porn as a symptom of our own distorted mind and spirit. Various places have helped me over the years. One is this very forum. In isolation a person comes to find they are not alone. There are limits to what one can do here though, I recommend finding face to face support groups. I found my way into Sexaholics Anonymous, a 12-Step fellowship. Being able to talk directly to others is great. Another option is some sort of counselling/therapy. I found this to be a great stopgap until I found the 12-step fellowship. Another great help has been church. Find one which focuses on Christ, less so on eternal damnation.

    I wish you the best, there's a better life out there in store for you. One which you likely don't even see.

    Edit:

    It's interesting to see how my perspective on this is changing. Is it that a person feels like they are going insane when quitting or that we already were insane and are only coming to realize it while also also avoiding admitting so?
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2019
    yangcern and RisingAura0010 like this.
  14. RisingAura0010

    RisingAura0010 New Fapstronaut

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    It's like han actual drug. If you hard stop the affects will make you feel insane. If you slowly stop by let's say. Go from 10 porn videos every day to. 5 a day the brain will cope with the slow change. Then go to 1 a day. The a week, then month so on so on. Until it's gift. The images then before you know it you can leave porn a lot easier now than just going for a insane hard stop. That's foolish to expect your brain and emotions to be OK with that hard turn of habit. In the end it's just a matter of decision and a slow stop to porn. And fill that gap were you'd watch porn. By doing something you always wanted to do but never had the courage to do it. Like playing guitar going to the gym. Or start to practice your social skills and focus on what your life needs to be better not what you think you want for your life. If you have family members and friends that are living and life you want for yourself. Just imitate there good habits thatyou know surely help you mental ficasly and keep you and curve in every health way possible. Of course eyou can modify that habit or mold it to fit your style of life.
     
  15. Jojo_mojo2

    Jojo_mojo2 New Fapstronaut

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    this journey will require you to have a lot of things, such as oh, you being disciplined in all that you do, staying humble, being confident, and taking extreme ownership for your life and everything in it.
     
  16. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    I took the "go as far as I can, fall down, stand back up and dust off my clothes" approach. Many different methods lead to the same destination.
     
  17. yangcern

    yangcern Fapstronaut

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    You're not the only female on here thinking about these things, I have been single for a long time too and I think of stopping PMO as a way of making myself healthy, perhaps for the first time, in the area of my sexuality. All the best and certainly wish you well sister.
     
    maningup12 and LEPAGE like this.
  18. Felix0071

    Felix0071 Fapstronaut

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    I am lonely as well.23 year old male, i would love to talk to somebody on the phone regularly and develop a close friendship.
    My phone number is +491723084128.
    If anybody is interested, i would appreciate it!

    kind regards,
    Felix
     

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