Tired of Life, Want to comit Suicide

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fap_the_Fap, Jun 20, 2017.

  1. Fap_the_Fap

    Fap_the_Fap Fapstronaut

    Who am I? Am I an alien? A joke? A laughing stock?

    I want to feel like a normal human being with libido, I want to make love , I want to have sex and all I feel is like being asexual, I feel no hornyness at all.
    I was an addict for 10 years fapping to PMO about 6 times a day.

    But its so many days (around 4 months of nofap) and all I feel is nothing.
    I feel Im asexual, I am constantly in flatline .
    Im just feeling tired and I want to end this misery once for all, I can't take it, I can't live like a zombie with no feelings, no desire, no motivation and no libido.
    JohnMichael and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  2. Phallosopher

    Phallosopher Fapstronaut

    You will get through it. I've noticed a pattern that the worst flatlines are before the most intense effects of rebooting.

    I just went through one that I posted nervously about but then this morning I had the hardest erection I've had since the first time I PMOed.
  3. nomju

    nomju Fapstronaut

    If your flatline is abnormally long, then the best thing to do is see a professional.
    TonyJones1970 likes this.
  4. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

    At a minimum, a reboot can be experienced by abstaining for 90 days or 3 months.
    Then, I saw someone who offered up the idea that for each year of PMO addiction, it will probably take an additional month to completely reboot.
    So, 10 years of PMO might take abstaining for a period of 10 months. Don't concentrate on the flatline, but instead focus on recovery.
    Good luck.
  5. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Why is it misery to not have a sexual drive? Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise? Can you not yet see there is more to life than sex?

    It's obviously temporary. After all, you had one before. Maybe your body needs the break!
  6. Shane1985

    Shane1985 Fapstronaut

    OK, let's just relax and analyse your situation.

    10 years = 365 x 10 = 3650 days, NOW, 6 times a day of fapping , 3650 x 6 = 21900 orgasms.

    Now dude, you had around 22,000 orgasms in 10 years, but suppose a normal person who masturbates everyday (although we still call him an addict),
    He would have done 22000 orgasms in about 60 years,

    Can you imagine the damage you have done? A guy who masturbates everyday would have done what you have done in 60 years what you did in 10 years.

    No wonder your receptors and libido is fucked beyond measure. Now, for a normal guy who masturbates maybe once a week, He would have done the same damage as you did in about 400 years.

    Now, since we know how much damage you have done, now lets talk about recovery.

    Thanks to our brain's plasticity , and suppose if you have just orgasmed and not used any drugs , Im quite sure you will recover. I saw your last posts where you talk about hard erections, dude if I were you I would be extremely happy to see that progress in 4 months.

    Now, you might take about 2 years to completely heal considering you do nofap and live a healthy life style with exercise. You will be fine Im sure, but the last thing you can do is get anxious and go back to pmo.

    You are a super- extreme addict , maybe the extreme case here who needs alot of time to heal.
    Dude 6 times a day for 10 years? HOLY CHRIST, but just hang on and don't expect to get recovered in a day.

    You are doing fine,
    TALK TO ME, do you see any other improvement that you want to talk about?
    Moatasem, C.HNF, Denzel889 and 13 others like this.
  7. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

    Also, PMO addiction took away your will power, hi jacked your brain, altered your brain chemistry, and damaged penile sensitivity and function.
    Don't let it take your life.
    The possibility of recovery from PMO addiction is real.
    Recovery from suicide is impossible.
    The addiction would rather you kill yourself than it! I hope you'll win and overcome your addiction and lead a long and happy life.
  8. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

    Great breakdown of the situation Shane1985. I count myself as a super-extreme addict and ready to change my life.
  9. Hungry_Shark

    Hungry_Shark Fapstronaut

    This is great explanation of your scenario fap. This is amazing explanation.

    Now what I want you is to just relax and think about your situation, you can't expect to get healed in a day, it will take time bro and I want you to hang on. You know your case is different , your case is one of the extreme so it will not take normal time to get healed it will take more time than normal.
    Just hang on please bro. If you can go through this im sure you will come out as a winner, Life is all yours just hang on.
    It took you 22000 orgasms and 10 years to destroy your receptors, you can't change that in few months. Just give it some time and you will be good to go Im quite sure.
  10. TonyJones1970

    TonyJones1970 Fapstronaut

    Im kind of in the same situation, I went to neurologist and psychiatrist of drug addiction and they told me something which might be useful to you -
    They said " Our receptors are not light switches who just turn on and off, our receptors take time to down regulate and up regulate, you need to do something repeatedly to upregulate or downregulate your receptors, One or two instances will not work, So if you want to upregulate your receptors after years of abuse, you have to give itself some time to upregulate itself, Our receptors take time so just wait and keep abstaining"

    Here you go, I also uderstood that it took years for downregulation after PMO so it might take an year or two to completely heal, so as the above guys said just hang on. Receptors need time to adjust, they are not light swtiches so just wait and let it adjust .
    Good luck!
  11. flyjoy

    flyjoy Fapstronaut

    Minimum 1 year reboot please you was an Heavy Addict keep goin.

    Itcan Go up to 2-3 year reboot. Peace
    Freeddom_Taker and Ghost_Rider like this.
  12. Why would you commit suicide ? Many people here would give everything to be in your place. I hate my libido, my sex drive, my desire. You reached 156 days without PMO....You're legend. I can't even hope to reach such a stage in my life when I would be completely free of my urges and mind chains.
    Flyhigh and Ghost_Rider like this.
  13. saneagain

    saneagain Fapstronaut

    I am in the same boat as the thread creator. Many thoughts about suicide. Why? Because I suspect you were not that heavily addicted as we were. It is not about the sex drive at all. I am in a such a debilitating condition with shaking, lightheadedness, nausea, insomnia, inability to concentrate ... god even difficulty to speak a straight sentence, that you just want it to stop. I feel like my IQ has dropped below 50 and I am - or rather was - a good student in economics/business. I can't even finish my degree right now. That's why. Yes it is so bad.

    I too was naive earlier in my life when I was a bit younger and couldn't believe all the stuff written on YBOP.com like people having withdrawals or flatlines for months. When I abstained from PMO my withdrawals consisted of irritability and inability to concentrate. But they went away after 2-3 weeks. Now I've learned that it can be 100000000x worse, while going trough all this shit for 7 months now.
  14. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
    Staff Member



    I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

    In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, unsuicide maintains a list of online Instant Messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feeling you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!
  15. Great Bud!! Precise.
    Ghost_Rider likes this.
  16. I'm so addicted that I continue to PMO even with the fullest conciousness that this thing ruined my health, continue to ruin it and will continue to ruin it if I can't stop. So I don't think of myself as less addicted than anyone here.
  17. Ghost_Rider

    Ghost_Rider Fapstronaut

    I think shane has clearly explained , 22000 orgasms dude, An addict who faps once everyday would have done that damage in 60 years, and a normal person who faps once a week would have done same damage in 400 years. Come on man, you obviously need more time.

    I also like what shane said about DRUGS, like had you had taken some drugs that enhance dopamine like meth?
    Because what I know is that some drug addicts never recover because your receptors were not created to get such a high, your receptors were created only to handle maximum pleasure created by orgasm,
    So hoping that you did not take drugs and just orgasmed , I think you can recover .
    And regarding your old post , where you mentioned you can get erection by stimulating your penis , thats a good sign, that means all your brain has to do is to decrease your baseline dopamine levels,
    And that will happend slowly, And how it happend with me is a cycle of urges- flatline-urges-flatline and so on,
    everytime your receptors are sensitised even more,
    I would say just hang on, you will be fine soon, but please hang on, I would say 1 more year, and you would be 100 % fine , but you have to hang on and done be anxious.

    Damage that took in 10 years, cannot be restored in 10 weeks or 10 months, its just not possible, but yes , your brain has platicity and can rewire pretty quickly. So best of luck , I wish you all the luck.
    And be patient please , patience is all we have control over , people had flatline of even 2 years and then their libido came back with a bang, just hang on . God bless you :)
    Buddhabro and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.
  18. Happy Man

    Happy Man Fapstronaut

    How come you still going through flat line?

    I'm feel depressed these few days. It's like I'm making progress and I haven't made progress.

    I see my GF once a week now, whereas I use to see her 3 times a week before. She is very busy with her studies. When I saw her regularly, I would start to heal and have sex with her 2 or 3 times a day.

    Now I see her once a week, things have changed.

    The last 2 times I saw her, I could only get erect the first time round we have sex. The second time round my penis remains small. It's now hard to get it up the second time round.

    2 days ago, I came the first time round and the second time round my penis began to shrink in her vagina.

    I feel like i was making massive progress and now I don't feel like I made any progress at all. I feel extremely shitty right now. I don't know if I ever going to make progress or not. I can not work out why this is happening.

    I feel like my penis is getting small again whereas before I felt my penis has gone bigger and more erect.

    I feel like I'm right back where I have started before the nofap journey. Its really weird.

    I feel like I have developed low esteem these last couple of days. Not sure what is happening to me. I haven't M or P for over 122 days but feel like I'm going backwards.
  19. You sound completely depressed are you taking any drugs for depression/anxiety? Because those will change your mood and make you feel emotionless and numb. Have a little faith it will all come back. When I first came back to nofap I was completely flatlined I did not feel anything. But since rebooting its all come back like a rush of adrenaline I’m so horny again.

    You were fapping off a LOT by the sounds of it, 6 times a day is extreme! The most I ever did was twice a day so no surprised you feel like that. Just give it some more time and change your habits completely. Rewire your brain by meeting real girls and thinking of yourself with them instead of porn scenes. That’s how I’m breaking the cycle and so far its working!
  20. Berserk_

    Berserk_ Fapstronaut

    Man i'm in this flatline too already after 15 days, i almost cried today and believe me when i say i can't remember the last time i got this type of depression, but you know we are warriors and we have to fight against the devil if we want to win the battle and live our lives how WE want and not the devil! Keep it up!

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