Tired of relationships...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Namekian23, Nov 15, 2015.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I haven't been on Nofap for 4 months, but I'm going through a pretty rough time right now. Two of my best friends whom I've known for years are in a new relationship. One after a breakup and another who had his first. I'm happy for both of them, but it was at hard accepting it at first. I once tried to get into a relationship once, but it was out of blind stupidity and carelessness. I really she thought she was a friend, and when I needed her at the darkest, darkest days of my life, she was never there. She had NO idea how much pain and suffering I went through. I was just asking people for help, but she clearly wasn't the one to ask. It's been over a year and I still can't let it go. I thought about committing suicide at the time because things were so so bad.

    But what can I do to help me heal? I've been single for a while and I'm just scared of getting hurt again. It's hard enough to see my friends in relationships while my heart is still recovering. I'm sure many of you have through breakups or something similar. What did you do to get over it? So far, focusing on school and getting my degree has been the most therapeutic thing for me even though it's stressful. I'm about to finish school in 4 weeks! Yes!! Anyway, I would greatly appreciate anyone's advice. And it feels good to be back on Nofap once more.
     
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  2. Mrbond

    Mrbond Fapstronaut

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    I am no expert but I know rejection is something that is common or having high hopes on someone then they disappoint you. You need to understand that you have to move on man, bad stuff happen everyday (suicide) is never an option for anything EVER!!!!!!.. Never lose hope in yourself...
    Now I want you think back in life were you had you toughest issue /situation , now ..... Where are you now? It has passed away ... So all problems will still pass away and the thing I have learnt is that you must always be strong at all times ... Move on , there is soo much success ahead of this..I believe in you you
     
    terminalparadox likes this.
  3. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your support man. I honestly thought that I would get more help than this, but oh well. I think you're right; time will heal just about anything and maybe next year will be brighter. Thanks for believing in me. One of the things I love about Nofap is that you can give others hope, support, and something to believe in. I wish you the best of luck on your journey man.
     
    terminalparadox likes this.
  4. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    I've been running away from relationships for a while now. I just don't like the way both genders behave nowadays. First I want to improve myself and then I'll consider having a relationship again. So at the end of the day I guess it depens on what you want. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What are your goals?
     
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I really don't want anything in a relationship right now. But like you said, I need to focus on myself, but it's soooo hard. I think I need to work on my goals before I even set foot in a relationship. I hope to get my degree, get a car, find a full time job (hopefully) and if can, get my own place to live. That's the only way I can keep a strong relationship. Because what I learned from my last experience is this: If you can't take care of someone else, how can you take care of yourself? I know I have a lot of work to do, for a fact.
     
    terminalparadox and ShotDunyun like this.
  6. Gens

    Gens Fapstronaut

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    Oh, I totally feel you - even if you just want to ignore it or feel happy about them, there'll always be something about friends who just love to talk about their girl/boyfriends. Or when that certain friend starts to talk about marriage...

    I've also been through some really bad stuff, and it also took me around two years to get over my first girlfriend attempt. None of my attempts have been successful either. It is a matter of what you focus on though, to overcome it - counseling did help me focus, but once I moved out of my parents' (which was by far the best decision I've ever done), it started to come more naturally. I'm thinking it was because I was now more focused to pay my rent on time rather than what I should've done with that girl. It is still hard, but not impossible anymore - it's been a long time since I've thought about killing myself, and I'm happy about that.

    I guess bottom line is, we all have work to do - we're all in the same boat after all. Always look forward, I'm sure you'll be ready very soon. By the way, congrats on getting your degree, I'm sure you'll make it!
     
  7. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Hey thanks man! It seems you've been on the same boat as I have, only you've gone a step further than me. I know it's been about 6 months, but like many people have told me: just give it time. You have a good point, once you start focusing on yourself (like getting an apartment or a car) other things, like relationships, will start to feel more natural. I know I have a long way to go, but sooner or later I'll be on the same page as the rest of you guys. Thanks again, I appreciate.
     
  8. peregrinnus

    peregrinnus Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    I'll share a couple of things that helped me to get over my previous relationship. It was my first relationship, lasted just over 4 years, and I took over a year to get over her.

    1. Slowly accept and grieve for yourself. Letting go of someone is not easy, and there are a lot of emotions that come up that are nasty and that you'd rather put aside and not face. But really facing them, sitting with them, and just being there with yourself through all of the emotion will help to get you closer towards acceptance. There's a theory on the 5 Stages of Grief, that you can go and look up. That provided a bit of guidance on my emotions for me.

    2. Stop looking for a new relationship. Focusing on yourself only really works if you're focusing on yourself FOR YOURSELF. If you're doing things now "in order to get a girlfriend/be attractive/be cool etc" it's just not gonna work. Because that isn't being authentic and being yourself, and people will pick up on that, on your insecurities. Also, that includes going out and trying to get into relationships right away, whether through real-life friends or through Tinder and other apps. I went through a crazy Tinder phase after I broke up and it just made me feel worse.
     
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  9. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I'll take your thoughts into consideration man. The 5 stages of grief is something that I'm very familiar with just as you are. I was very angry at her for not helping me and I even hated her. Then I cried for almost an hour a month later. I hear you man. As hard as it is right with all this shit going on, I'm going to focus on myself for a while. One thing my last relationship taught me was that I thought that I was really a someone special to her, but I was dead wrong. So I'm figuring out who I can be rather than who I'm not. And yes, I'm picking up the pieces and starting all over. Thanks again for your advice.
     
    peregrinnus likes this.

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