Tired of this empty pleasure seeking

Hey, I think you make a valid point and I do believe that from my own experience that my use of internet and video games is definitely connected with the dependence perhaps on dopamine. However I do feel its unavoidable to an extent in this going forward as technology is bound to keep increasing in its influence on our daily lives.
Read this article and let me know what you think? I suppose the key is everything in a healthy amount.. http://yourbrainhealth.com.au/dopamine-cause-digital-addiction/

 

Imreally sorry to hear about your loss also. Yes, it has a hit me hard but I do believe more often than not there are solutions to things. I am getting my mother a new kitten today. Tigger will never forgotten though. RIP Tigger 1998 - 2017

 

Day 21 without P and day 11 without m or sex.
I've recently put images back on the internet as I feel a little bit more resolve in terms of my triggers though if they do get strong I will definitely take images off again. When I watch soccer I tend to uninstall k9 as its impossible to watch games with that on. However; this has been a time where it has been off and I just simply go to a page and before I know I am pmoing.
I feel though that I am connecting more with the real world again. Im helping people more and hiding away from problems a little more. Im not living perfectly but I do feel calmer and better about myself. Maybe just maybe 4 years off and on trying to battle this addiction I may have finally gone through enough relapses to know where I tend to slip up. Anyway my goal is to fantasize less and read more and be less addicted to the internet. But im not pushing that of side of myself just yet. Simply staying from pmo and making peace with that is enough I feel.

Im having less urges today and I think im definitely finding it easier by cutting masturbation or sex. This definitely started to push much strong urges. I think im going through the "flatline" period now.

I also feel like if bad setbacks happen in my life I still dont know how Ill react. But I feel im very aware that using pmo as away to escape would be the very worst one for me considering my addictive history with this habit. Id rather drink alcohol or do something like that to cope than pmo.

 

Day 22 with p day 12 without pmo

I tried Karezza (sex without goal of orgasm) It was better as a way of connecting with my girlfriend and it sort of happened naturally.
I am not planning on having sex again during these 90 days as I dont want to mess with my recovery by getting tempted by the possible chaser effect this could bring about. Feeling urges still when I sometimes feel a little negative about something...

I've noticed as well that when im in a energetic mood sometimes I want to relax myself so I can focus a little more. (i got to pmo) This can also be a trigger...

 

day 23 with p day 13 with pmo
Today is so tough. I have no idea how dont ejculate for 90 days... How the hell do you do it??

 

relapsed...
I have plans though... 90 days is my aim nothing nothing less. 23 days with p 13 days hard mode. Hard mode is very difficult but i already notieced huge gains. Each day as it comes. I have been totally on guard today. Already I notice that im objectifying everything and everyone. BUt is it possible to actually do work if you go on a 90 day hardmode. Are we just really uptight by like 10 days. do we not need some sort of release. is 90 days basically saying give up other things and let this be your main focus

 

I was about to binge again. But I went to the emergency. and this totally sums up the situation im in.
"I've been there. It's an obsession of the mind and it must never be underestimated. Truthfully you're now in a difficult place and THAT must not be underestimated either. Your mind will now start saying, "you've had a fap, you've ruined your streak, so hey... why not have a good look at porn / go for broke... cause tomorrow you'll get on the wagon". DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD AT ALL COSTS. Like I said, I've been there. Your head is trying to get you back into addiction and what will really happen is:

• you'll binge like crazy
• you'll fill your head full of chemicals with the binge (all that dopamine)
• you'll feel awful and disgusting when you start coming down
• you won't like those feelings plus the knock to your confidence
• your self esteem will drop like BAM
• you'll be back to where you started

You're at a crucial stage in recovery right now."

I made it. just about. phew....

 

Thanks man I really needed that. Ive just done 60 press ups instead. And youre totally right it is a choice!

 

Thanks man, I really appreciate this advice and to be honest its very true. Im super tempted today... But this support makes me feel like I can push through.

 

Day 1 today.
pmo makes me feel so crap afterwards. I know its pressure but I feel this is my last chance if Im ever going to actually trust my willpower and belief in myself as someone who can actually honour their word. The fact I chose to relapse/ I chose to self destruct.
IM goi 90 days but I also I cant avoid staying in as I work from home so im going to really push my passions and push through in all areas.
1 No working energy drink (seems to make my decision very instant gratification oriented)
2. get better sleep. (no energy drink, or coffee from 12 onwards
3. Meditate daily
4. Give more to others
5. Take images off the internet
6. Keep k9 on at all times (not even to watch soccer - watch at the pub)
7. Exercise
8. get an accountability partner

I need to remember

how crap I feel after I pmo the lack of energy/ the depression/ the emptiness
How crap sex is after I pmo

If I relapse this time I promise here that I cancel my internet connection and get rid of this smart phone. No more of this.

 

Day 1 today. Since my relapses my cravings have been so strong (Luckily ive ignored them) Just in case I didnt know a relapse was bad I do now. And just in case I ever questioned im addicted to p I now know I am. Anway I am feeling so grateful that this forum exists. Its good know there is support and acknowledgement of this problem as It really worries me sometimes that I wont get past this. Anyway I have not meditated recently but ive been doing a bit of exercise.

One of my main triggers is image so i've taken images off the internet again.

Im going to continue writing in this everyday as it helps me process my thoughts.

 

Thanks man. I actually took your advice and have been having sex with my girlfriend/ for now I am just abstaining from P. I do plan to do hardmode but for now I feel just gaining more days without P is enough. Thanks for the great advice