To introverts or those who befriended them: How can I connect?

GIVE. THEM. TIME.












Honestly, it's that simple. I'm a self-proclaimed introvert, and I find it difficult making friends with new people. If you want the opportunity to meet this guy, invite him casually to smaller meetings with just a few people. If you take your time and keep inviting him out, regardless of whether he seems to be opening up, he will eventually relax.

Introverts often enjoy socializing, but it's in a very different way than extroverts. Introverts will prefer smaller settings, with closer friends, and they will need to be given time to recharge.

Note that this is spoken from personal experience. YMMV.

 

Sunshadow is absolutely right. Just give them time and be patient. They will eventually open up after they feel comfortable. Don't come on too strongly or you may scare them away.

 

As an introvert, I feel as if I need to point out a few important things:

1. Being an introvert doesn't mean being shy. While it's true that more shy people tend to be introverts, they're not the same thing. Introverts are reserved, while shy people tend to be more conscious over what other people think. I can comfortably say that I'm not shy, as I actually don't mind giving presentations or otherwise speaking, though at the same time I wouldn't do it unnecessarily. Shyness can affect extroverts also, and although shyness can definitely be natural, it tends to come more from societal impacts such as bullying and judgment.

2. Introverts aren't necessarily book-smart, or like books. It's just an activity picked up that would otherwise have gone to socialising. It's a good reservation activity that recharges, much like socialising for extroverts. But that doesn't apply to everyone. For me, I like DOING things. I like outdoor activities, traveling, experiencing different cultures in the dozens of countries I've been to, or even just landmarks here in my own nation. That is my ultimate recharge activity, and I get rather antsy without doing that for long periods of time.

Okay! With that out of the way... here's my personal take.

Socialising is overly stimulating. We don't like long periods of it if we're uncomfortable, or around people we don't know. Socialising on an emotional level is especially difficult for is, as we tend to be less trusting of letting our feelings out. But keep doing gradual invitations and make him feel comfortable, then he'll be able to bond easier.

Also, introverts usually are listeners rather than speakers. I can't tell you how many times I've had my girlfriend (even before we dated) pour out her heart to me, just because I'm one of the few people who actually listen. With that said, if they ever decide to talk: LISTEN. It's extremely upsetting for me whenever I got talked over (though these days it doesn't bother me as much); conversations drain us of energy typically, so we tend to think our words are valuable. If you talk over an introvert, they'll only feel more uncomfortable.

Once you're friends with us, introverts are great to have. We value the quality of friendship rather than the quantity (i.e. Number of friends), and if we open our feelings to you, then we have adequate trust in you. Don't break that trust either; it's not easy to get back.

 

When you invite an introvert do do something make sure it's a short activity. If I feel like I'd get trapped somewhere all day I'll make up an excuse to get out of it. Another alternative is asking what plans they might want to do.

Even though it's already been said don't interrupt or talk over us. In my experience it's the number one way to get yourself shut out. Showing that you can listen when we speak will put you in better standing than most people will ever get to.

 

I forgot to mention that we don't respond immediately when we say something. A relative of mine who visits us most summers tells me her favorite thing about talking to me is that I always pause for a moment to think before I say something. I never actually noticed this behavior until she pointed it out to me. I'm also told I can be very blunt and don't have a filter.

 

Oh, wow. I never realized this either, but I definitely do that also.

 

There's a difference between telling the hard truth and attacking/being negative. Most people I know who say "I don't have a filter" just use that as an excuse to tear people down. Yes the truth can hurt, and a real friend is someone who tells you the truth, but we as humans love pointing out flaws in others to make ourselves feel better about our own.

 

Good stuff. I would just add that introverts also aren’t antisocial; they’re just social in their own way.

 

Being introverted doesn't mean we are anti social, it just means we are a bit more selective about with whom we share our lives.
For one reason or another, we have a fear of having to face rejection or ridicule if what we share isn't appreciated, because when we include other people in our interests it is usually after much internal thought and dialogue.
Just try to be supportive, give them time, and stay connected via social media instead of maybe trying to get him/her to constantly go out or hang out etc.

 

It really depends, as each introvert is completely different, but there's nothing wrong with isolation. There are lots that are able to socialise in their own way, because as you know we get drained with interaction and eventually need a time out.

For me though, I can't stand any interaction and it's hard if not impossible to make friends because of my sensitivity. As an introvert external stimuli is overwhelming to me, like sounds, smells and movement drain me as well as socialisation. I prefer the solitude of my house.

As I said everyone is different though, some introverts are less extreme but follow the same principle of recharging. You could maybe ask him what he prefers? Like maybe he likes hanging out or doing something a certain way, doesn't hurt to ask. Just don't try and force him to do anything

 

I wonder how much of us being introverts has to do with the fact because of porn addiction? I was more extroverted before I used porn for my problems. The flatline/paws definitely made me introverted.

 

Introversion and extroversion are based on genetics, but it's possible to be influenced for whatever reason to be more extroverted or introverted to a small degree. It's the core concept scientists say doesn't change though, like if you eventually feel drained being with people or being by yourself.

The reason dates back to the stone age, in how there was actually extroverted and introverted cavemen, and they survived to pass those traits down genetically

 

Probably both enviromental as my father was/is extroverted and so is my mother. I thrived off social activity and was somewhat the 'life of the party' before it went downhill. I don't feel drained talking to people at all its PAWS/flatline that influences me socially temporarily anyway. I respect your opinion none the less anyway!

 

Porn induced introversion. Coming soon...or not.

 

You’d be suprised what withdrawal can do if severe.