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To M or not to M

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by JLK99, Aug 22, 2020.

  1. JLK99

    JLK99 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    I’ve currently gone 4 days without watching P and it’s great, all of the disgusting thoughts I had in my head are now disappearing. But like normal, I still get hard, which is good thing don’t get me wrong BUT is it okay to M and not watch P?

    My 2 main problems were watching too much P videos and M way too frequently. So quitting P has been a massive step for me already and I feel great, but I feel like M is still an important thing. It is very healthy and makes you relaxed and helps you feel less stressed, it’s not healthy when it’s all you think about and you do it way too much that you’re actually hurting yourself. I got to the point where I’d do it 2 times a day 7 days a week, and sundays which is my chill out day, it would be around 6-7 times. So therefore, although I am giving up P I will be reducing how much I M. But I will still M idk like once or twice a week because to completely stop M is a big big challenge.

    So anyone out there in the same situation, feel free to reply, we’re all fighting our own battle and all taking a different way of completing it.
     
    Masked Man and Hardwork11 like this.
  2. I ain't in the same situation but sure, you can't go wrong with fapping without the use of P. Your streak is based on it so if you feel like nutting without P, go for it. Do be careful,though. Sometimes a regular nut may not suffice and we may turn to certain "sources" to get a better nut in.
     
    spot618 and JLK99 like this.
  3. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I used to always think masturbation without any porn or artificial sexual stimulation was fine. But now I am starting to question it.

    My fantasises when I am masturbating are getting really kinky sometimes, even sometimes going like porn like fantasies, much more so recently. What I am finding is masturbating imagining this sort of stuff is really getting me off. But it's almost to the point masturbating thinking about this stuff can turn in to edging and binging. So imagining all these different scenarios and spending longer masturbating to this, and also doing this multiple times in a day sometimes.

    My opinion on how this has happened is because when I was such a heavy user of porn and artificial sexual stimulation, I needed this level of stimulation to get off and to remain aroused etc. But the more and more I have been away from it, it's almost like fantasising about kinky stuff is the next best thing and now this does really arouse me.

    The issue for me is I can see the way I am masturbation turning in to a similar behaviour to how I used to use porn and artificial sexual stimulation.
     
  4. Maybe you should try putting an end to it since it's not really doing you much anymore.
     
  5. JLK99

    JLK99 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah it’s a tough one, because although I’ve given up porn completely (which is amazing btw) I still occasionally M which is completely normal. And if I’m honest, I M over the photos my long term girlfriend sends me. But at the same time I don’t want to get addicted to those photos and then when I see her, look at her like she’s an object. She’s not an object, she’s my love and she’s everything I’ve ever wanted. So I’d 100% rather M over my own girlfriend because it shows I am really attracted to her and how good our sex life is, but I don’t want to sexualise her if you know what I mean? She’s not just a photo
     
  6. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Some people might think those photos are artificial sexual stimulation. I personally don't think it's a big deal considering it is photos of your actual girlfriend.

    Actually for me I don't even overall consider a few photos or even a video that much of a big deal, even though I try to avoid these things.

    What I mean by I don't think they are that much of a big deal is I actually believe it is more the platform that is the problem. So how quickly does a few pictures of a hot female or even one porn video get boring? Pretty quickly. But when there is this platform where there is always something else to search and find, this is actually where the real problem is.

    A lot of the time I do just masturbate on occasion using my imagination and it is over quickly and I only do it once. But there has been a few times recently where I feel like I have even edged and binged while just masturbating using my imagination. Having all sorts of kinky thoughts and masturbation sessions with these fantasies lasting a while even.

    This isn't something that happens much. Usually I would find it too boring to constantly keep masturbation just using my imagination. But there has been a few times recently where doing this wasn't boring, and I just constantly remained aroused.

    But what concerns me is I do feel like my behaviour when I was masturbating like this was similar to how my behaviour used to be when I used to PMO.
     
    Hardwork11 likes this.
  7. Dont P or M, in the great part of times one leads to the other.
     
    Hardwork11 likes this.
  8. Enkid25

    Enkid25 Fapstronaut

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    In 2 years i didn't succeed NoFap challenge (14 days max). Since i only quit porn, it's easier for me. You have to :
    -stop thinking fantaisies when M (simple kiss or touch)
    -no computer and phone in the same room.

    No porn is enough, it's the only problem in my opinion. M is not wrong (all animals do), but bad M is wrong.
    M lead to P when it's associated in your brain. You need to learn to dissociate both.
     
  9. LIMEfotographic

    LIMEfotographic New Fapstronaut

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    I’ve only just accepted I have a problem and am trying to get some counselling. I’m 48 and have used porn most of my adult life. I used to have a box of magazines when I was younger (before the internet), this migrated to online porn. My use never really got too weird. Lesbian and stranger mostly.

    My confusion at the moment is that I’m just not sure if I’m addicted to the P or the release from M! I know they are connected so currently I am going clear on both and S. I don’t recall ever feeling a compulsion for the P, just the need to climax. The P always felt like a means to an end. I may be wrong (hence the counselling), I want to understand the reasons fully as it may help me in tackling any urges in future.

    Nearly 7 days clean now...
     
  10. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    Do not m. M is not the same for you because you are an addict. The brain works by associating things that work together. Example, the Pavlovian experiment with dogs. Dogs salivate when they get hungry. Ring a bell every time you give them food; they get conditioned to associate the bell to food. Ring the bell without food, and when they are not hungry, their brains still makes them salivate. Point is the bell (which is not crucial to the feeding process) is included in it anyway because of how the brain works. Similarly, pmo are linked and engaging in one of them keeps the network active. As you've seen from the comments people who come up with no porn only policy, or watch porn but no mo are still deep in the addiction and are simply lying to themselves. They also always end up relapsing, or they register no change and start complaining that nofap does not work even though they cannot honestly claim that they had a true no pmo. Be true to yourself dude. No healthy human needs to m compulsively like that.
     
  11. Hardwork11

    Hardwork11 Fapstronaut

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    104 days with no porn and only masturbated at day 74 to my imagination.

    i know what you are talking about,the urges ,the feeling,your brain constantly telling you to PMO but you have to challenge ur self how long can you hold up.
     
  12. JLK99

    JLK99 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I know I can do it, I’m just saying it’s not bad if you M every once in a while, I wouldn’t watch P though when I’m M
     
  13. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    To not M.

    1. Fatigue, Sleepiness.
    2. Loss of Productivity.
    3. Slipping back to P(coz you have a habit of MOing to P!)
     
    TheStranger likes this.
  14. Not to M. 'Cause it's for the weak. For those with no self-control. Y'all have control,right?
     
  15. Enkid25

    Enkid25 Fapstronaut

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    I could say the same with sex :
    -fatigue
    -loss of productivity

    If M is controlled, it's ok. Real problem is porn and brain fucked up.

    The only reason why people think M is a problem, is because they feel shame. They want to suffer, to beat records of nofap, to be à 360° of what they did...But NoFap is not a competition, it's a medecine for porn and it's time to wake up.
    In French, we say "le mieux est l'ennemi du bien". Like sometimes you want to do the best as you can, and it's finally not good at all.

    :)
     
  16. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    There's literally an explanation on this thread as to why someone who is addicted to pmo should not m, but people would rather ignore because they want to m. Addictions are powerful things.
     
    thinking_differently likes this.
  17. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    It’s an interesting idea that PMO could be in any way be influenced by a Conditioned Response!
     
  18. Mo1989

    Mo1989 Fapstronaut

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    Stop PMO for ever. Find a gf and love her
     
  19. thefragile123

    thefragile123 Fapstronaut

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    I'm basically trying to do the same thing, quit porn and then see if I can reduce masturbating, eventually. I think it's a good way to start for some people.
    But it's really hard, I personally can go a few days without even thinking about porn, and then one day I just fail. It's like I'm convincing myself to give up in that moment, and later I regret it. So don't let your guard down.
     
  20. Enkid25

    Enkid25 Fapstronaut

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    Thefragile : of course, you're right.
    1/Stop porn for mental illness.
    2/stop masturbating too much for dopamine illness.
    Good luck. Best is M under shower 2/3 times week without thinking too much.

    Good luck
     

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