To Tell or Not To Tell

One possibility is what you already suspect... that she was an addict herself... or had some other form of addiction. Some people bond with each other because of similar addictions. They are not 'in love' with each other, they are 'in pain' with each other. They can develop a co-dependency on each other. They can become fearful of being abandoned if their partner wants to get help. They are terrified of having to change or having the relationship end... both are scenarios that are too scary to contemplate so they can sabotage any attempts of recovery.

A second possibility is a twisted form of co-addiction... here is a link that describes it. Basically, you are the person in the relationship with the identified problem. You are the 'bad' one. The person without the addiction can blame you for every problem in the relationship. They are the 'good' one and they cling to that identity. As long as you are doing things to destroy the relationship then they be absolved of all responsibility. They have no interest in seeing the relationship improve because they have issues that prevent them from having a relationship on equal terms. They have low self esteem or power issues that drive them to be in control. And when they are in control then they feel safe and comforted.

Either way... if an addict in recovery has toxic people in their lives that are hurting their chances of recovery then they need to be cut out of their lives. You already did this, but you are now doubting your decision to disclose.

You probably had no way of knowing she was going to react by controlling and manipulating you. The desire to disclose and seek help is a POSITIVE thing. Just because the fallout was negative shouldn't make you doubt your decision. It turned out bad and she revealed herself to be a damaged and dysfunctional person. Does that negative experience make you question disclosing your problem in a future relationship?

 

Thank you for your thoughts; they were very helpful! To answer your question, presuming I'm still struggling with the problem, I don't think that experience would prevent me from disclosing my addiction. Actually, even if I've put the addiction in the past, I'd probably still bring it up eventually. Reading the comments in this thread pretty much convinced me of the wisdom in that action.

What that experience would make me do is consider the timing more carefully. I think the way I did it at the time may have been reckless. I should be a little more sure I could trust the person first.