To the Non-Believer

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MiC1993, Feb 15, 2020 at 3:55 AM.

  1. MiC1993

    MiC1993 New Fapstronaut

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    This story may sound exaggerated to some readers, but every word is true.

    I was introduced to Playboys and Hustlers in the 5th grade. Those and other magazines were all I needed for a while, until I was introduced to porn in middle school (towards the end of my 6th grade year). It started as a weekly thing, then became multiple times weekly, then became daily, then became several times daily. At the time I wasn’t thinking anything of it. It felt good, my buddies watched porn, whats the risk?

    This lastest until 8th grade until I started experiencing ED. I’d try to hook up with my girlfriend and NOTHING. Barley a half erection, if I was LUCKY I thought it was because I had just started smoking weed so I stopped. Obviously stopping weed didn’t help. That lead to me becoming unsure of my sexual ability/confidence so that just made my situation worse. On top of my newly acquired performance anxiety I now leaned on porn even more because that was the only sexual interaction I could involve myself in and not feel uncomfortable.

    I was able to get a half erection to porn until about 10th grade and then, FLATLINE. Nothing. I could watch porn, use my imagination, be having real sexual interaction and NOTHING. I went to sex therapists, got some kind of penis injections to make sure my blood was properly flowing, TRIED ED DRUGS and even that only got me to 3/4 full at BEST.

    I lost, who I THOUGHT was the love of my life, started diving into drugs, and my self esteem was at an all time low...

    ...I was going to kill myself...

    I know that may seem a little extreme, but if you’re going through ED from porn addiction you know what I’m talking about. I saw no future. I saw no kids. I saw no answers...

    and SOMEHOW...I found this website...

    I thought it was bullshit. There’s no way porn is doing this to me. My penis is just broken or my mind is just broken. It’s me. And I believed that for the longest time until I found the woman who would eventually become my wife.

    she understood my situation. Not everybody is able to find a partner like that but thankfully I was blessed enough to.

    Every time we had sexual encounters I was always flaccid. Of course I used other methods to satisfy my, at the time; girlfriends needs, but that only lasted so long until I was like, “I’ve got to do something. Literally NOTHING else I’ve tried is working and this is the last thing left. Fuck it let’s give it a shot”

    I relapsed more times than I could count. Took me two years to finally hit a 2 month mark. It’s terrifying. The up and down emotions. The days your penis shows life and advancement only for you to wake up the next day and it be WORSE than how you started.

    I finally worked up the self control to stick to my guns. No porn, no matter what. I know the forum discourages fapping also, but I used it to get through my tough days. No visualizing, no magazines; just focused on sensation. After about 3 months I started to slowly feel like myself. Started gaining confidence, would wake up now and then with my flag at half mast, get random 1/2 erections throughout the day. I was getting better.

    that gave me confidence to keep pushing forward. Started having wet dreams, gaining more sensation, being able to maintain at least 1/2 an erection so my girlfriend and I could have Intercourse...

    I’m now 1 1/2 years in reboot and STILL not 100%, but god dammit I’m CLOSE.

    I wake up with erections at full mast. Have confidence I haven’t had in years. My mind is CLEAR. I can’t keep my wife off me now a days and before I’d damn near have to beg.

    I wrote this not to be on a forum, but because I saw the post saying the porn industry is trying to shut this site down, and I at least wanted the readers and the person brave enough to start this page know that y’all literally saved my life.

    for those of y’all who want to look me up my name is Michael Chatelain. I have Facebook. I live in Southern Louisiana, am married to the love of my life, and have 3 beautiful children I never thought I’d ever meet.

    I don’t know if any of y’all are religious, but no matter what you believe SOMETHING or SOMEONE allowed me to find this page and I thank you every day even though you don’t know it.
    THANK YOU!
     
  2. nyahoo

    nyahoo Fapstronaut

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    Hi, thank you for sharing. Did you go through multiple flatlines?
     

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