Today f---ing sucked!

Today was damn hard. It was my 3rd day off. I went to bed yesterday weary from the day's temptations but motivated because of some content I found online. Woke up ready to take on all I had to do today. Went to the dentist, ran the dog, did hw, cooked for 3 hours, went to the store, did the dishes, read my bible, took my 5yo daughter to school, dropped off her snack after the store. Still had temptation every moment I stopped. I got so f---ing close to giving up so many times. I was going to too. I feel like I crossed that point of deciding to do it--you know--the point of no return. Then my daughter came home while I was cooking, and the temptation mostly left. But when she went to bed I felt drained; mentally exhausted. I wanted to give up so bad that I felt disappointed that I didn’t. So mentally tired that I wanted to cry. I still feel horny, even without the temptation. And now I don’t even want to eat what I spent so long cooking. I feel grateful that God would let me go right up to my limit and then take the burden away so that I can become stronger, but f--- man! This f---ing sucks. It hurts. I feel like I did heavy lifting all day without actually lifting anything. Its interesting to note that in this state, I looked at a few images of beautiful athletes because I wanted to relapse, but felt little more than conflicted frustration and stress.