Today..oh today

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Katrina Rose, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

    After a day filled with panic attacks and stress it ended all too well.
    I was posting a comment on an SO thread here when he sat next to me.
    I didn't want him to see what I was writing, as this is my safe space, my outlet, my solace.
    He flipped out. Threw an oven mit at my face.
    How can he spend hours in holed up in the bathroom and be mad I'm posting in forums?
    How does he justify his PA behaviour and get angry at me for seeking comfort and understanding?
    I'm on my last rope.
    I would never ask to read a journal of his personal thoughts.
    I'm just damned if I do, damned if I don't.
    This site has kept me as sane as I could possibly be considering.
    The women here have validated my feelings of worthlessness and my assuredl me it's not me.
    The men have helped me try to understand PA and where it's coming from.
    Without you all I honestly don't know how I'd be ok enough to fake another day.

    His internet history yesterday included his car website. But one link was entitled babes. Photos of barely dressed girls at car shows.
    Twice tonight he made sexual comments about innocent tv.
    Of course I came here to seek understanding. I'd much rather jump online for 5 minutes than start a fight.
    My heart is just broken.
    And he knows it.
    Bel and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Loveless

    Loveless Fapstronaut

    My heart breaks for you...You mention that he threw an oven mitt at your face. Are you safe? Now that he has shown that he will act against you in anger, you should have a plan to ensure your safety. Think of a place where you can go, if that is an option. A plan will help you to move to protect yourself in an instant if you feel that you are in danger.
    Seeing that link must have hurt like hell. I know what that pain feels like. I'm so very sorry that you are going through this...
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

    Thank you. I'm safe.
    This is why I'm here. Because I can't talk to him about what's going on in my head surrounding his PA.
    He gets so pissed off.
    It's been about a week now since I told him to chose.
    He never stopped.
    I thought he did, until I took a closer look at his search history.
    I may as well be invisible.
    I feel like I am.
    I would rather he go out and betray me IRL.
    At least then he'd accept my feelings of hurt and anger, I would be able to walk away, and I would only have 1 woman to compare myslef to.
    PA causes so much pain and makes you so insecure. You wonder with every woman you see if he'd like to see a video of her. If she'd do it for him. Because obviously you can't.
  4. I'm so sorry @Katrina Rose you have to go through all this.. This really breaks my heart.. I'm really very sorry for you.. Have you tried couple counselling? If you gave an ultimatum & he still chooses to fall back into old habits & act angrily when confronted, then I'm sorry to say that you've given him enough chances & endured so much pain for him & now its time to walk out if you're okay living independently.. You deserve a better life, a happy life..
    Numb, Jennica and Deleted Account like this.
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut


    You know what you want and what you deserve. He's not able to provide that. He didn't step up his behavior when you asked him to.

    Value who you are and what you want.

    His addiction isn't an excuse.

    He's simply not a person you want to be with.
    Kris456, Bel and Jennica like this.
  6. This! 100% over!
    Kris456 likes this.
  7. Bel

    Bel Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Easier said then done :(
    Numb and Kenzi like this.
  8. The healthy things always are.
    Kris456, Bel and kayesem like this.
  9. kayesem

    kayesem Fapstronaut

    How sad, for both of you.

    Forest for the trees...
    Kenzi likes this.
  10. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    When there are children and other long term things in the mix, you can't just up and leave. There are other little lives and hearts to think about.
    Trappist and TryingHard2Change like this.
  11. I’m sorry but all I said was that the healthy things are always easier said than done. I don’t know what part of that made you think I passed judgement on every situation and circumstance under the sun. Also yes, having kids in the mix would be incredibly difficult. I had to make this decision when I left and I took his little heart into consideration. I even pondered staying just to make sure his little heart didn’t break, but I then thought what example was I giving him by staying? Would I ever want to see him stay in an abusive relationship? Before leaving I took him out for a guys night and I told him I would be leaving but that it had nothing to do with him. I told him that he would never be the reason for me leaving and that I loved him very much. I told him I also loved his mom but that sometimes two people cannot be together. Now, do you think I made a move that wasn’t loving? I made the decision I thought was best for everyone and that decision was to leave. So, up and leaving CAN be the best decision even when little hearts are involved.
    Bel and kayesem like this.
  12. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    Whoa there, dude. No reason to project onto me. You went from 0 to 60 on the defensive scale really fast. I wasn't judging anyone and didn't think you were. I was just making a comment on your blanket statement. You can't just tell someone to up and leave. You don't know their situation. And no, it's not always the best thing to leave, nor is it always the healthiest. It might have been for you, that's great. Do what you gotta do. But don't do around telling people that's what they should do when you don't know their whole story. Back off and chill out.
  13. I didn’t tell anyone to leave, so how about you chill out as well?
  14. kayesem

    kayesem Fapstronaut

    Everyone, be chilled -_-
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. :emoji_snowflake::cool::emoji_snowflake:
    Trappist and kayesem like this.
  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Not leaving is also easier said than done.

    Yes, there are possibly more things to consider like mortgages and children, but there's also yourself to think about.

    Going by what katrina has shared with us so far is what I based my advice on.
    Bel likes this.

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