Told Gf about porn addiction, did not go well

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by PatientOx, Jun 15, 2021.

  1. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I read the whole thing. You are correct, people who will do evil, will find a way to do evil regardless. That is exactly my point. It doesn't matter what a woman (or anyone) is wearing, doing, saying, eating, etc. Nothing justifies evil being done to them. This victim blaming is gross and disgusting and needs to stop.
     
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  2. Anywherewithyou

    Anywherewithyou Fapstronaut

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    If men are no more visually stimulated than women, why are men more likely to be addicted to porn?
    I believe the line of reasoning that it's none of our business what a woman wears is also absolving responsibility toward another's good. There will clearly be a wide variety of what's considered acceptable dress. But if we think about it, it would become our business if someone is walking around naked. Some clothes are really no better than walking around naked. It is ALWAYS the person's responsibility to not objectify another human. But I do think some fashions make that particularly difficult.
     
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  3. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Because for centuries, society has told men that they are entitled to women's bodies. Porn is just another extension of that.

    When I say it is no one's business what a woman wears, I mean, even if a woman is walking around naked, a man has no right to objectify her. His thoughts are his responsibility regardless of what his victim is wearing. Women have been raped in very modest clothes as well. A victim bears no responsibility whatsoever for a wrongdoing perpetrated against them. You saying women have a responsibility to dress more modestly to keep men from looking is still victim blaming and is just as bad as those that say "she asked for it wearing that short skirt and hooker heels."
     
  4. Anywherewithyou

    Anywherewithyou Fapstronaut

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    My opinion is shaped by my religious beliefs. But I do believe we each hold some responsibility toward our fellow man. You can call it victim blaming. But my original point was that a man or woman has a right to an opinion about how someone dresses. It is especially relevant for a man with PA. His best defense is to look away. But none the less, it's not an easy world to live in when they can't escape the triggers when they walk out the door.

    I disagree here. Addiction is addiction. If women had the same wiring, there would be a higher prevalence in females, since most people have seen porn in this day and age.
     
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  5. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I have deeply held religious beliefs as well. They are not rooted in patriarchy and complementarianism, however, because I believe those hold women in bondage and open to abuse. Thankfully, it seems those ideas are beginning to change in today's times. If you haven't checked her out, you may want to visit the blog, Tolovehonorandvacuum.com . She speaks a lot about the issues you and I are discussing here.
     
  6. BetterMeandI

    BetterMeandI Fapstronaut

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    If saying someone should do all they can to protect themselves is victim blaming, your grip of reality is off. We already established that people should not do the evil they do on to the others.
     
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  7. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    You are not fooling anyone. As an addict you have spent many years lying to yourself and others, justifying your narcissistic, abusive, victimizing behavior. I see right through it. You do not care about women's safety due to their choice of clothing. You want women to change how they dress because you don't want the responsibility of controlling your own behavior. Perhaps you are one of the ones with bad intentions. Your recovery cannot begin until you are honest with yourself.
     
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  8. BetterMeandI

    BetterMeandI Fapstronaut

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    You do not see through anything, you missed the mark by miles, I can tell your understanding of things is quite low. I don't want people to do shit but to protect themselves. You hit the mark on one thing only, and that is your recovery cannot begin until you are honest with yourself, so go on. The delusion is quite strong with this one!

    You speak as if I condone people doing bad stuff, are you actually that stupid? If you cannot understand that you have to navigate and see the world for what it is, then I wish you very good luck and enjoy your day.
     
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  9. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Good grief, what demons I have unleashed...

    The way one dresses is directly related to the general message he or she gives to the world. It's a sort of manifestation. If you dress like a business professional, you say you're professional and you do business. If you dress like a skater, it means you like skating and you're a chilled person. If you wear an open belly shirt and an extremely short skirt, it means you like as much of your body revealed as possible to attract attention to the revealed body parts. Why are you attracting this attention to the naked parts of your body in particular? Because you apparently have a body-centric mentality, and body-centric mentalities, as opposed to soul-centric ones, generally show a high, animalistic drive for physical, bodily pleasure. So this is the message you give to the world by dressing in a revealing way: physical pleasure is the thing. This is not an invitation for a rapist to rape you - of course - it is about the "values" you promote through your manner of dressing. The "values" that you and rapists apparently happen to have in common. Of course, at the end of the day it is not you who commits the crime (like the dysfunctional parents, remember?) but you are thrown into the same bag due to your perceived attitude towards sexuality.

    I don't know about any statistics showing that the majority of rape victims have been scantily dressed TBH? But I've never studied this field.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2021
  10. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    There is no science whatsoever supporting the notion that men should be more visually aroused than women. Men, on the other hand, are prone to more risk taking behavior. Men doesn't get taught how to deal with bad emotions in the same way as women do.

    I remember sex education when I was younger. Class was separated according to gender: women were taught how pregnancies occur while the guys where encouraged to masturbate. Today, more women than ever before is addicted to pornography, yet it's still taboo. For men, heavy pornography use is largely applauded. Imagine where these same men turn when they feel down and anxious (which young people do due to an overactive amygdala). Yes, to porn.

    Sure, women wear revealing clothes and put themselves into situations that are less than ideal. Now in the summer, a lot of very fit men also walk around wearing very little. However, objectifying, raping or compulsively masturbating is still a choice. For most men and women, not a difficult one either.
     
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  11. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    From 10 seconds of googling...

    Study Finds Male And Female Brains Respond Differently To Visual Stimuli -- ScienceDaily

    There is probably much scientific evidence to the contrary, though. Just another example of how science gives conflicting resolutions to questions. Regardless of the issue, however, I believe both men and women should act responsibly and promote values conducive to the preservation of decency and moderation in "sexual expression" - for the sake of us all and, first and foremost, for the sake of the children who deserve to be born and raised in solid relationships not founded merely on sexual release, but rather on lasting spiritual bonds. Without happy and stable families and happy and safe children nothing but ashes will remain of our societies in the long run. The most pitiful consequence of addictions, porn/sex addictions in particular, is the breakup of marriages = families.
     
  12. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I agree completely. I've seen this study before and it doesn't take into account where, or if, the female is in her menstrual cycle for example. This is just one of many flaws. As a medical researcher myself, I would be hesitant to cite it.

    As a woman on the other hand, I get visually aroused instantly. Like, in under one second I can go from 0-100. Pornography is dynamite to me. A well built man taking his shirt off (or more) is dynamite. I think society in general turn a blind eye to female lust for beautiful men.

    However, I'm deeply lucky to be married to the man of my dreams. No one can or should be compared to him. For me, I choose him everyday and the choice couldn't be easier.
     
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  13. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    How come? Us, men, constantly go to great lengths to impress you, females, with our looks and constantly worry that we don't. Just look up the Relationships sections. So I guess it's popular knowledge that the "aesthetic" appeal is bilateral.
     
  14. Sam-wise

    Sam-wise Fapstronaut

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    Is this the same person that has cheated on you with other people and with porn (which you have stated is worse than physical cheating)?
     
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  15. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Yes! However, when I met him he was the man of my dreams :) the first years I experience love and happiness like no one else and for that I'm very grateful.
     
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  16. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    That's a whole lot of words to say that women who dress provocatively are advertising and asking for it, but trying not to sound like you are saying that.
     
  17. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    LOL. OK.
     
  18. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    From 10 seconds of googling...

    https://www.newscientist.com/articl...st-as-arousing-for-women-as-they-are-for-men/

    https://jezebel.com/for-the-love-of-shallow-yes-women-are-attracted-to-ho-1498868352

    https://www.mindbodygreen.com/artic...l-or-easily-aroused-than-women-research-shows

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/12554590
     
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  19. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    I don't really care about this issue, as I tried to imply previously. Just by looking at the names of the websites cited you can tell there's probably some libtard agenda behind this subject and "new science" coming up to cover the back of "new ideals". But even if this is in fact fair and not methodologically manipulated science, what does it really matter whether males are more aroused than females or the other way round. The idea is that everyone should simply exhibit decency in their overall conduct. And I, being a male, am equally sensitive about not walking around topless in any places other than the beach, for instance (even though I'm not particularly well built -- average, I'd say). These are just elementary principles of decency and good taste that should be taught in the nursery.

    They're indirectly promoting promiscuity, but aren't literally asking for anything. You can't ask for anything just by wearing something, unless you wear a t-shirt saying "please rape me".
     
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  20. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    The word democrat does not always reference politics. Grow up.
     

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