Told The Wife

Been struggling with this like many my age(early 30's) for over a decade. I've made wonderful progress though and can go stretches of a month and even a little longer but still always find myself stumbling back whenever something like an argument arises at home or just having a "bad day".

For years I've told no one. I mean c'mon. It's embarrassing right?? You will be viewed as strange right? That's why it's done in secret and everyone erases their browser history afterwards. Actually I told one of the older men in my place of worship a while ago and it was a huge relief. He was understanding and encouraging but that wasn't enough to help me overcome it.

Been married 5+ years and we've had some rough arguments recently with the birth of our first child. Decided to do the hardest thing ever I thought, which is tell my wife yesterday. Was very hesitant.

Would she be angry? Would she judge me? Would she view me as less of a man? Would she view me as weak and unloyal? Sick and dirty?

Actually it was the exact opposite. She was caring and sympathetic and was glad I told her and sad that I had been struggling with this for so long without her knowing so that she couldn't support me. She definitely understood why this is such a temptation and wants us both to support and help each other through anything.

This was a huge relief and what I feel, the most monumental step to success. Even she knows and told me change doesn't happen overnight and we may continue to stumble at times but she can now help me and be more conscious because she is aware of how big a problem this is with all types of people.

So, for all of you reading, I was just like you. Keeping it in for years. Tell your spouse. I expected mine to act totally different than what she did. However, they will be relieved and glad that you've shared something so deep and hard to tell they will actually be proud of you for wanting to change. The will think of you as MORE of a man for being open, not less. And you never know, most likely they will tell you something they are struggling with internally. We are all imperfect people and "miss the mark" frequently, yet we are not hopeless and don't have to give up.

Tell someone. It is the best thing you will ever do. The feeling of a burden being lifted off of you can't be described. Accountability and being open with someone especially your spouse or a parent is the ONLY way you can begin to make progress. Keeping this in will just eat you alive inside out. You will continue to make the same promises and resolutions and will eventually break them. You are always your own worst enemy. You CANNOT be accountable to yourself. You will stay clean for a couple days, a few days, weeks maybe months but eventually you will fall again because know one knows but you.

Before you make another resolution to begin a clean streak, open up to someone especially your spouse.