Tom’s 30 Day ATTEMPT Story

On 27 days i relaped. Today im writing my story about those days, what has helped me in my entire process and how im going to continue to an actual 30 days and beyond.

First of all, I want to talk about my point of view on all of this. Since July ive been trying to stop this addiction and ever since then ive had about 23 relapse days. Most of thise days have been binges. But out of all those days, 4 of them have been in the time frame since i changed my mindset on my journey.

Well what did I change? For the first few months, I was solely focusing on quitting porn. In my head I said “This is my demise, my kryptonite, i need to destroy everything about it in my brain.” Well, that didnt work. After a horrible month full of relapses in November and a 3 day binge the last 3 days of it, i cane across a thread here on nofap, that helped me change my view on this. It was actually a very simple message, I wish i had followed it so i couod repost on here i apologize but it said: “Dont focus on quitting porn, but focus on the person you want to become. Envision this version of you with utmost detail and nail that image in your beain. Strive to be that every day and do things that will make you get closer to that person. Naturally, your thoughts will stop being so much about porn and more on controlling your life and being that person.”

Now thats not what the actual post said, but it was along the lines of that. So after nailing that in my brain, and relapsing three days i started my 30 days, fully determined of who i want to be.

Now, what do i want to be? Well i consider myself a man of faith, and my ultimate goal is to have acceptance in God’s eyes through all my actions and have a clean conscience before him. I want to be happy with who I am and not let the problems of this world bring me down. So yes ive been workin on that ever since i started but even more so since December.

About a week after i started i had a talk with my parents about my problem and that just strengthened my desire to want to get to 30 days even more.

Now what things did i do to help me?
The biggest thing i decided to do was leave my devices outside my room at night, out of reach. Most of my urges and relapses have been at night, therefore if i eliminate that chance, ill have a better chance at succeeding.
I also started medtating and writing down all my thoughts that came ro mind in that time frame. This helped me see the progress my brain was making.
I also picked up lessons on dancing, playing guitar and im still going to start other classes that will help me with my new job in life insurance sales.
Ive stayed on top of my gym routine and majority of my cold showers.
Ive also continued my use of an app called BrainBuddy, a porn addiction app that helps you with exercises and stuff to help you in the journey.

Where did I go wrong?
Between days 15-23 or so, i had MASSIVE withdrawal. I felt urges several times each day and it would just burn inside of me to PMO. But i did get through each time. I prayed for strength, my brain was also well trained to push away bad thoughts from it, and i was able to prevent relapse. So I was confident that i could resist urges, it felt normal and easy, even thought the desire burned.

Then, all of a sudden, the urges stopped. One day, two days three. I was so happy I thought well its all downhill from here, this is gonna be a piece of cake. Well, i started not leaving my phone out of my room. I was confident in myself that i wouldnt relapse. And to make the long story short, which ive already explained several times, i relapsed to nudity. I say this because I believe even though i did relapse, it wasnt to the full on explicit porn videos i used to watch.

Anyways, what did I learn? Well first, I know at any given moment regardless of my streak, I can relapse. This happened literally over curiousity. I just wanted to see a womans body again. I didnt have urges or temptation, I just wanted to see again. So that will happen again but the ultimate lesson i learned, which i also got from a good friend of mine i talked to yesterday:

NEVER STOP FIGHTING
I have a continuous battle inside of me to do what is wrong. The moment i stop fighting, or choose not to fight, ive already lost. This isnt something i can take lightly on myself, i know each day i have to give it my all.

I feel devastated because of my relapse. I talked with my parents about it and it all just made me feel really bad for myself. I know im barely on day 2, but i just feel depressed over it all. Im trying to see the good in everythin and trying to set new goals for myself. Im ready now for whats ahead and i feel i can get over this.

Thank you for reading and i hooe you were able to get something good out of this