too intimidating and too much confidence?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Selix, Jun 12, 2021.

  1. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

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    I dated a girl and she said my communication is intimidating and I'm overconfident (she said that right after I was intimidating)

    I dont know what to think of that... 2.5 years ago I had no confidence or little confidence and now I'm overconfident?

    just because I dont need anyone to know my self-worth and I ignore naysayers?

    I'm at a trial and error phase right now but that error really puzzles me...

    what did I do wrong?
     
    Aléxandros and Buddhism Is True like this.
  2. I don't see how we can know what to think of that either without a lot more detail and context. When you said you dated, do you mean you actually repeatedly went on dates and then stopped (if so how many, over how long a period of time?) or went on one date recently and she said that? And that'd just be a tiny more info, I mean ideally we would know the personality of this girl a bit but that's where we have the problem talking about things online, it isn't like someone else you know that also happens to know her.

    In general, so this is not to you because there's no way to know that much about you either except maybe read a ton of posts and certainly not from one post - confidence is not the same as ignoring others. I don't know what you meant by ignoring naysayers but for example if you have an idea, another person points out where and how that idea might not work, or needs more work, I hope you don't automatically think that's always a naysayer - they might just be making an honest observation which you may or may not know about. In other words it's about the idea, not about you as a person.

    Intimidating is more about how you communicate to other people, I mean did she say that about how you communicate to her personally, or how you communicate to everyone?

    I think if you look at your OP you can probably see how there's just not enough info for people who hasn't been there, either the one date or many of them.
     
    Selix likes this.
  3. It's just the opinion of one girl. Unless several girls say the same thing to you it's hard to comment. Including knowing the context in which it was said. She might have been trying to get under your skin. Best to not care what anyone else thinks and just be yourself anyway. No point second guessing yourself. I just act myself I don't considering myself confident or anything with a label like that I just act how I feel in present moment. I would just ignore it.
     
    Selix likes this.
  4. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure a confident guy would care what a girl thinks of him, especially if you are dating (which i guess means not serious?). Bare in mind that women are rarely honest about the reasons for calling things off, even to themselves.

    Is there a possibility that you are quite insecure when it comes to women, and you are overcompensating by acting confident in a way that makes you come across as intimidating? Acting confident is a useful skill but true confidence is within and takes a long time to build.
     
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  5. cresyhorse

    cresyhorse Fapstronaut

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    overconfident = arrogant. confidence and arrogance are two different things.

    intimidating = maybe too much eye contact, eye contact is a good thing but don't have a predator stare.
     
    Selix likes this.
  6. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    The girl probably failed to accurately give feedback on what actually happened. I know some girls can freak out if you assert too much dominance or have too much eye contact. It used to happen to me a lot and well.. I guess its a good thing but try to not overdo it. They love it but not when its so much it freaks em out
     
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  7. Buddhism Is True

    Buddhism Is True Fapstronaut

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    Honestly I’d have to see you in action. Sometimes its easy to see the difference between confidence and aggression, other times it isn’t. You might be over compensating for something without realizing it.
     
    Selix likes this.
  8. There's a difference between arrogance and confidence. Maybe you came off as arrogant? Also, girls are usually more gentle than guys so you shouldn't always talk to them like they're your best friend (a mistake I've made many times).
     
  9. Silver36

    Silver36 Fapstronaut

    Why is being intimidating wrong? Why do you care about a female's opinion?
     
  10. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Why do you think? :p
     
    Silver36 likes this.
  11. Selix

    Selix Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the answers...

    I've been reading and studying on this topic

    looks like it was my eye contact and I look unapproachable and aggressive

    well I'm suprised
     
  12. Silver36

    Silver36 Fapstronaut

    Good point
     
  13. WatchMeRise

    WatchMeRise Fapstronaut

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    It's hard enough to identify the problem on a forum, but it's even harder if you don't give details.

    Did you initiate all the dates?
    Did you choose time and day? Did you even ask her for preferences?
    How often did you text her, and how often did she text you?
    Did you escalate to physical contact? If so, how often did she reciprocate?
    Was her behaviour the same, or did she change the way she responded to you?
    How many dates has it been?
    Are you still seeing each other or not?
     
  14. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    man, maybe she wasn't used to that.
    too many ***** out there trying to please women with cute words and bullshit.

    just embrace your confidence, one day you'll meet a girl as alpha as you, as confident as you, who will respond to that confidence with other confidence in a fun and healthy way.

    keep being alpha and badass, embrace your masculinity.
     
    Selix likes this.
  15. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    At the moment, you could have just said: "What are you talking about? Aren't you used to men like me?"

    Even though it sounds cocky and stuff, trying to tell it as a joke will make thoughts change.

    The truth is in the middle. Answering in bad ways, in an arrogant way, always treat them bad isn't confidence.
    Confidence is making them embarrassed but in a fun and healthy way.
    You want to let them know you are strong, don't fear their judgments and can defend them by anyone, not that you are their main threath.
     
    Selix likes this.
  16. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    that's too much, man
     
  17. WatchMeRise

    WatchMeRise Fapstronaut

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    This is exactly the kind of stuff that gives away that you're trying too hard.
    Truly confident men make women feel relaxed.
    When a woman feels on edge, it's because she senses that your words and thoughts are not aligned.
    You're trying to be someone you're not and women can smell it.

    If a woman says "you're being intimidating" smile, ask her a question to get her talking (and out of her head) and take a step back. Let her come to you, in her own time.
     
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  18. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    Yeah, maybe you are right.
    Thanks.
     
  19. Silver36

    Silver36 Fapstronaut

    Why? Females' opinions are like the sesame seeds on burger buns. It makes the burger look very slightly more appealing, but its perfectly functional and delicious without it too. And some people are allergic to sesame;)
     
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