too much loneliness

Sure, forgetting her is ok not forgetting her is ok. I thought maybe you felt like it was about you but i don't think it has anything to do with you, even if it seems like there is evidence. As a person who thought about suicide before I can say that in my case it was all about me myself but other people even when I thought it was other people's fault. I had two big seasons of suicidal thoughts, the first batch was when I was in active pm+ use and I think the shame and self hatred I had about those actions is why I felt that way. There second batch was years later after I got sober (no longer using pm+) and I thought it was somebody's fault. But I was just blaming, many of us struggle with trying to blame other people for things. The truth is every person makes decisions, as much as they seem influenced by others actually we are choosing even if that is "I don't want to make my own decisions so I'll give you power over me" that's a common one. Even if someone tries to force me to do something I chose whether to do it based on what I think they'll do including what the chances are that they are serious.
Point was I don't think it was your fault, it might have been a chemical imbalance in the brain.