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Too nervous to work

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Mike115, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. Mike115

    Mike115 Fapstronaut

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    So I am 21 years old and I have never had a job in my life. I know that that's embarrassing and people have had multi jobs since they were 12 and stuff like that and believe me I know it's embarrassing. The thing is it's not because I'm too lazy, it's because I have very very very bad anxiety and I'm scared to work. Everyday my parents nag me about not having a job and say I should be ashamed of myself for being 21 and never working. They don't know that it's because of my anxiety. They think it's because I'm too lazy. My therapist wants me to get a job so my parents get off my back. I am nervous even to clean dishes in the back of a restaraunt where there isn't alot of interactions or whatever. Pretty much what this thread is for is for you guys to maybe give me some tips and pointers and maybe you've been through this. Everyone says that it doesn't hurt to try which is try but I just can't put myself through even trying. Thanks :(
     
    FreedomIsHere likes this.
  2. SeeDee

    SeeDee Fapstronaut

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    Hey Mike,

    I would consider talking this over with your parents, or writing them a letter something like:

    "Hey, I know you guys are very frustrated with me not working. I know it's hard to always feel like you have to nag me. I appreciate how hard you have been trying to get me employed. It shows me that you both love me and care. I think, though, we are all tired of nagging and being nagged, so here's my plan:

    It is my goal to have a job or at least a face-to-face interview in the next 30 days. To do this, I need your help. I need encouragement for any little thing I do to achieve my goal. Any time I sit down to work on my resume, please notice me and tell me you see me. Any time I find a job to apply for, please celebrate that with me. Every time I turn in an application, please make a big deal out of it.

    I think that we can have fun with this process and that it can be a moment that strengthens our family. Let's play 'Get a Job in 30 Days'!"

    Also, look into temp agencies in your area. If you have no physical disabilities, they are always desperate for people to work jobs and they don't care if you have social anxiety.
     
    Jodokus, onebookperweek and Mike115 like this.
  3. I used to be in this position. I used to have a lot of social anxiety. I still do a little but it's better now cos I'm working on it. I used to be afraid to even talk through phone with somebody to schedule an interview yet alone to go and talk with them face to face. I still did it tho. I don't know what was it that made me do it. I didn't though about it much just did it. When you overthink it, it's harder. I guess I felt that I don't really have a choice, at one point you have to start working ya know. The best way how to deal with fear like this is by confrontation.

    What I discovered was that sitting there and talking with people or working was not as bad as many weeks of thinking about it beforehand. It's thinking about it what causes pain and not actual activity. Yea, once you are there you are nervous and stuff, I am not saying that you won't be, but you are not dying and you are fine and you realize it. And after a while you get used to calling, interviews and your work place. Just like you got used to you school and classmates after you joined new school. So anxiety goes away.

    Stop overthinking it. Really, just stop. Take a deep breath and focus on it, look around and notice objects, hear sounds, take your hands and rub them against each other, feel your whole body, your legs, arms, neck. Focus on things that are now, do not think just notice. Get yourself centered in presence as much as possible. Get yourself out of your brain, out of future. Keep berating heave and focus on breath. Take a phone and call somebody or send a CV. If a thought comes in your brain which says "maybe I could do this tomorrow immediately notice it and start thinking of something else, like your favorite burger at McDonald's. Just don't engage in that thought. Don't even contemplate it. Do not think of work or anything related to it all. Think of something else. Or preferably center yourself in presence by doing those exercises.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2016
  4. Mike115

    Mike115 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this. I know that I should just do it and stop overthinking it it's just harder said than done.. I've gone to a like 2 interviews over time and idk how I overcome my anxiety to go to those 2 interviews and I got the jobs but I was too nervous to start
     
  5. SeeDee

    SeeDee Fapstronaut

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    Mike, you did a lot of things right there. You did 99% of the steps required to actually have a job, not once, but TWICE. You need to celebrate those successes.

    Having a job is a learning experience. I was nervous my very first day, but what I found was, unlike high school, hard work is rewarded. As long as you show that you're willing to work hard, most employers will appreciate you. A lot of movies and TV shows depict the "first day on the job" as a total disaster, but in reality it's in their best interest to set you up to succeed.

    What I would do is, make a worst case scenario that is totally ridiculous (I bump into some matches that spontaneously combust, and the fire spreads all up and down the west coast). If you can avoid doing THAT, call it a success!
     
    Jodokus likes this.
  6. Mike115

    Mike115 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I guess you're right.. Hopefully I can concur this soon and get a job
     
  7. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Well, do I have a story for you my man. I had my first job at 21 (go figure), but more importantly, I also had severe anxiety as well. I was terrified to be employed. I just didn't like being around people, plus I was a high school dropout (later got my GED and went to college). Even my parents, like you, have said I was lazy and need to do SOMETHING. But all in all, working was the best thing for me. I get paid, I get benefits, I get to do something that I like, and so on. In fact, I've developed great relationships with my co-workers. I was able to meet people at work. I even found a girl that I like!

    See, there are far more pros of working than not working. But you have to trust me, you'll never know what will happen. I recommend volunteering just get the feel of a working environment. Go to the church or something. And because of work, my anxiety improved! In your case, I think you may have to take some medication at first, and who knows, you may not need it later on. You never know until you try; if things don't work out, you can always find another job.

    I thought I was never going to work. I could have been in my house all day doing nothing, but I chose to not live that life style any longer. In the end, you have to make a choice. Either be brave and go out there, or be the same person you are now. Because of work, I'm a better person. It gave me confidence to go back to college, as well as talking females, and so on. In fact, I'm planning to work full time because I need the money lol. I know it's hard, but I was in the same boat as you. Deep down, however, I knew I couldn't live like this forever, so I made a change. If I can do it, so can you! Good luck!!:)
     
    Mike115 and SeeDee like this.
  8. Mike115

    Mike115 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this. I know that it has it's benefits that could help me overcome my anxiety since I will start new relationships with co workers and such it's just hard to overcome that first initial step. What was your first job if you don't mind me asking.
     
  9. Dessutom

    Dessutom Fapstronaut

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    I feel you man! I'm also looking for jobs now and my anxiety is also really bad. I've also never had a job before, but the difference between you and me is that I'm in my late 20's and I have gotten myself a very good University degree in engineering. A lot of people might think a good education will make it easier, but for me it's the complete opposite. I feel a tremendous performance anxiety and I honestly don't think I can handle a qualified job even if I got one. I've been unemployed for about half a year now and have only applied for 2 jobs.

    My tip for you is to remind yourself that the younger and less experienced you are, the less they will expect from you. Just be polite and show that you're not a moron and people will welcome you with open arms and teach you everything you need to know!
     
  10. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    Who's paying for you? Are your folks throwing bills at you for your clothes, transportation, restaurants? What about a few beer here and there? Who pays?

    I worked since I'm 12 (babysitting, newspaper distribution), 14 (yard work), 16 (cleaning dishes in a restaurant). My dad forced me to work at 16. I didn't like it, but understood that its vital to my survival on this rock.

    So, as a father now, I forced my 16 yo daughter to work:). I drive her back and forth, but she can't get away from it, its a life skill to be able to find a job, get better at doing it, and keeping it. I don't care if she feels like not going...she knows I'll blow a gasket if she lies to her employer and call-in sick...honesty, hard work, being on time and reliable....that is something that you have to work on...

    Don't be ashamed. If you are anxious (like I was), it's unpleasant at first, but only a matter of a couple days. You feel a little uneasy during the application process. You feel a little uneasy during interviews (a little bit like stage fright maybe???). You feel uneasy when you first start and feel clumsy a little.

    You definitely need to work hard on your self-confidence. How? It's by setting goals to achieve. Small goals that you accomplish. Then a bigger one...never stop..

    what are the reasons of your lack of self-confidence/anxiousness?

    1-Stop fapping and PMO'ing. Keep you energy for real stuff. Reach the flatline, get rid of brain fog, and find yourself in better shape to make decisions and do something decisive for yourself.
    2-Go to the gym. Work on arm strength, to give a positive handshake, not a "wimpy one".
    3-Meet people, get around people. no need to try to date. Just a polite interaction. learn to keep a decent level of eye contact. Don't look at the ground. You don't need to have hypno-freak eyes either. A good balance. Eye contact is seen as part of sincerity...work on it.
    4-Think about your hobbies, where would you like to go work at?
    5-write your resume. Don't skip anything of interest. volunteer work, etc...
    6-Don't be fuzzy about work. At 21 if you never worked, it's not time to be picky.
    7-set yourself financial goals. If you want to date, bring a girl to the restaurant, you need cash. You need cash to fuel the car, buy the buss ticket.


    You can start today by working for whatever charity...the interview process should be less stressful because you aren't getting paid after all! But you can practice a few inter-personal skills for a little while. It's good on your resume also.

    But don't stay there long, you need to be paid after all!
     
  11. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys, this has been always an issue for me as well. Right now I'm studying and looking for a good job I can combine with my studies.
    That is so true. Not only for ppl with social anxiety but for all of us.

    @Mike115
    Since you're in therapy, the first thing you should ask is: are you ready (able) to work? It seems you are ready but just "too nervous". But just in case you're not ready yet, it's up to your parents to understand that. I'm just saying this, because your mental health is the most important thing here!

    You better go at a distance to the view of your parents, that you are already 21 and that you should already get a job. They may have their good reasons to think so, but you needn't to adopt this mindset. As a matter of fact, you're still young!

    Ikindaknew pointed out why work is important and how natural it is to work (you haven't to be a genius and you haven't to be free of problems). People have already said working can help you socializing and get rid of your social anxiety. There is to add that you regardless of "good" or "bad" experiences you will learn and grow. It's frightening for you to take the step and that's ok. But you can help yourself by looking at it positively.
    Try this: imagine yourself as a working person. Identify yourself with working people.

    By the way, to work is a human right. We need it!

    You know what, why don't tell us the reasons why you want to work and what you're hoping for and looking forward to!
     
  12. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you asked. Even though this may seem a little embarrassing, I will admit it. The current job I have right now for the last 5 years has been a library page. I've been around women most of the time, so it made my job easier. Plus the library is a very relaxing place to work. It's quiet and the work is pretty easy.

    I would recommend a job similar to mine. A job where it's not so stressful, because sometimes certain workplaces demand a lot of physical labor, being able to work in a fast-paced environment, and so on. So do some researching first, and you should definitely find jobs that are similar to mine.

    And one last thing. Do your best to not get too comfortable. Ever since I've started to look for full time work after graduating college, I realized that I've worked here for far too long. Basically, I've been in a comfortable environment, and since I want to work in a field of my desire, the library is not permanent. Rather, it was more of a stepping stone. I feel I'm ready to look for another job that's in my field. So there's my 2 cents of advice. Hope things go well.
     
  13. Mike115

    Mike115 Fapstronaut

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    "You know what, why don't tell us the reasons why you want to work and what you're hoping for and looking forward to!"

    I want to get a job for all the reasons that people said. It will give me some self confidence and help with my social anxiety. I need the money. I'm hoping that I get a better work ethic because my work ethic right now is poor. It will give me something to do during the day rather than just playing video games and watching TV
     
    Jodokus likes this.
  14. Jodokus

    Jodokus Fapstronaut

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    One more tip, Mike115. It's something that some life-coach I've seen on YT said. It was about making changes. He said: sacrifice!
    Everybody has limited time, limited energy and limited focus. So it makes absolutely sense that changing means exchanging. Moreover I like the idea of a "sacrifice" because it takes into account that we like our old life and our bad habits. But when we're ready for sacrifice, we can
    exchange them for something better.
     

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