Too Non-Christian to Date a Christian and Too Christian to Date a Non-Christian

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Aug 22, 2017.

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  1. That's how I feel sometimes. Sometimes I don't know what I believe and what category my beliefs come under. I was looking at this Christian dating site and quite a lot of these Christian woman want men of faith or men who love Jesus and I don't think I'm either. I mean I think I like Jesus but I can't say I love him, nor do I have this great faith.

    But then I look at non-Christians and I'm not sure I don't fit in with them. From what I can tell many who have no religious belief think you should have sex after 2 months of dating but I can't go along with that. I think I'm stuck. I don't think I would have any success with Muslim women either.
     
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  2. Noland

    Noland Fapstronaut

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    Okay I feel you. But before I tell you how it is for me, let me ask you this. You can't even wait 2 months?? Lol cmon bro. Just be happy they value themselves like that.

    Anyways I can say without a doubt that I'm Christian, but I do think that maybe I need to learn more about my faith before I can say that Christian girls can be too extreme. I've only met 2 types of Christians, the ones who are only Christian by name and basically don't seem to care about committing sins one bit

    And

    The Christians who are extreme af and will condemn you the moment you tell a lie.

    That was a lie, I've met a lot of the in betweens back in high school. I guess I'm about to be condemned..

    Anyways, look into your faith a bit dude. Maybe you're christian by just name. And decide whether you want to indulge more into your faith or some other option that I shouldn't advise lol.
     
  3. I think you've misunderstood what I was saying or I didn't explain myself very well. What I was saying was that I've heard non-Christians say that if you've not had sex after 2 month of a relationship then there's something wrong with your relationship. My view is that there should be some sort of established commitment between a couple before they get sexual with one another.

    Yeah, I've talked about the struggle I have with my faith in other posts before. Don't think it's an issue of being a Christian by name it's just that I don't view the Bible as the word of God but I do believe Jesus lived and teached in Israel and then died and was resurrected. I believe he is the son of God but think certain parts of Bible can't be trusted. Not sure where my faith journey will lead and I'm not if Christian women will accept me for where I am on my journey.
     
  4. Noland

    Noland Fapstronaut

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    My apologies! I like the way you think tbh.

    I won't give a real opinion on it here though lol. Just know that I'm completely christian and its fair to have thoughts like that. Work on it internally, externally, however you need to.

    Now about what non Christian's say about sex. I'm struggling with that right now currently so when I find out how I feel about this (Attending a church soon and meeting more people) I'll see if I can give a better opinion. I haven't been to church in years (I've been apart of Christian groups though) so I'm not trying to just say anything right now.
     
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  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I got the fix -


    You need girls who are 'Methodists'
    Not super Christian, on spiritual side, but aren't crazy Christians.
    Look into it.
     
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  6. @Surfing Poet I think Kenzi has the right idea. Having been a former Baptist (read: Christian concentrated) Methodists are the right mix of Christian w!o the Hanf cups and overbearing of other denominations.

    And I like your views on dating--it's old school gentleman the way I see it. You delay that sex thing and you really connect with your gal before that happens. I say onc you find a lady you're interested in be up front about it. I can't imagine that a woman wouldn't totally respect that (and maybe even find it charming).
     
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  7. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    I am not as aware of what happens in the female mind, but males seem work very hard at trying to understand a female until sex happens, then they seem to relax and enjoy. Maybe for females relaxation doesn't happen until after the 'I do' commitment happens. Hadn't thought of it that way, but maybe it's best then for both if those things happen together.
     
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  8. Your walk with God is a work in progress. I like the fact that you admitted you cant say you love Jesus because most Christians are too full of shit to admit that kind of thing. When you humble yourself by admitting youre wrong and choose to separate yourself from negative sinful habits, God begin to change your heart and your mind and brings you closer to him. Its important to be patient and not feel the need to rush into dating. Finding a girlfriend is not going to be some magic solution to your problem. Take your time and focus on healing sexually and focus on your relationship with God and then youll be in the proper head space to figure out what to do. We always want instant resolutions to our problems but God is never in a rush.
     
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  9. Never thought of that. Not sure if Methodists in the UK are different (as that's where I live). From what I can tell the Methodists church is quite liberal (which I have no problem with).

    Yes, I'm not wanting to date yet. I've decided that I must reboot until I date again. But I do wonder what kind of belief a future girlfriend should have. Maybe once I've rebooted I'll have more clarity. I just wanted to see what people thought of where I am now.
     
  10. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    You shouldn't date people based on their religion. Some religious people are very kind, but others are shitty. Some atheists are kind, but some others are shitty. Not caring about someone else's beliefs will give you more options, and you won't look shallow. I think you should explore yourself and your beliefs some more to really discover what you are.
     
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  11. Survivalist

    Survivalist Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Hello,
    Would you consider being a Muslim, or study Islam, give Islam a thought?
    Muslims do believe in Jesus (as a Messenger) , and the sort of established commitment you are seeking is found in Islam as in Engagement then Marriage, as there are no other way around to have sex without being married, otherwise it would be a major sin and adultery.
     
  12. I have considered it. Listened to debates between Christians and Muslims. As I said earlier I believe in the resurrection of Jesus and I don't think anyone can prove that it never happened. As far as I know Muslims don't believe Jesus rose from the dead so Islam is not for me. I find it interesting though, I have a Quran app on my phone but I must confess I'm not sure where to start. I know it's arrangement is different from the Bible. Where is the best place to start when reading the Quran?
     
  13. Survivalist

    Survivalist Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    @Surfing Poet
    Start with smaller chapters, as chapters vary in their length from 3 verses (lines of texts) up to 286.

    And Muslims believe that Jesus himself wasn't crossed, that he was raised to the Lord, and that he will be sent back at some point of time (at the end of times, prob when things will get dark again).

    these 2 verses from Quran state what Muslims believe in about the crucify:

    "
    And [for] their saying, "Indeed, we have killed the Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, the messenger of Allah ." And they did not kill him, nor did they crucify him; but [another] was made to resemble him to them. And indeed, those who differ over it are in doubt about it. They have no knowledge of it except the following of assumption. And they did not kill him, for certain.

    Rather, Allah raised him to Himself. And ever is Allah Exalted in Might and Wise.
    "
     
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  14. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    OK, I think you don't want to date/ marry an uptight fundamentalist puritan... who also happens to be a feminist.

    As a Catholic, rightly or wrongly, I'm not much interested in dating/ marrying Protestants. I would rather settle for a heathen... as long as she has a love for history, culture, and traditional values. But then again, I don't mind too much remaining celibate.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2017
  15. I think if that's the position you're in and the beliefs you hold, it's entirely possible that there are women out there who are in the same position and hold those same beliefs. Why wouldn't there be? It might be harder to find, but there's no reason to think there might not be any women out there who hold the same beliefs as you, or would at least accept you for yours.
     
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  16. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, a lot of Christians are 'doubting Thomases'. Also there are lots of denominations out there, particularly the contemporary Word of Faith/Pentecostal/Charismatic/Hillsong brand prosperity churches that preach you should be experiencing Victory in every phase of your life, ie. health, Wealth, Career, satisfaction, and that if you're not experiencing these successes it's because you're just not tithing enough.:eek: Beware of this because these people just want your money:mad: and are not preaching the Gospel. God is not broke and He definitely doesn't need your money.

    Anyway I am Calvinist but I don't consider myself a great Christian at all. I am merely a sinner saved by grace and that I'd be happy with my little shack up in Heaven. I don't care to be famous, nor wear flashy suits like Joel Osteen.
     
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  17. Yes, puritans. Must say I've learnt about the danger of puritans from you. I've briefly looked into when they did when they ruled England and it was pretty bad. At times I think I've confused puritanism for conservatism. About 7 years ago I did this course on getting free from porn and they seemed to think the writings of puritans were amazing and would help getting PA free.

    I use to be firmly against getting in a relationship with a catholic but since rethinking my faith I don't care. It just would depend what type of catholic.
     
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  18. Yes, I've actually been involved with churches that preached that. I tried to believe it myself and I kind of did but there was a part of that couldn't fully accept it. It just didn't fit comfortable with me that you'll become rich and healthy if you have great faith. I do think positive thinking can be helpful, but the idea of not taking medication and believing God will heal you is reckless, and these preacher who say give us your money and God will make you a millionaire is evil. I once saw a video on YouTube where these guys said these televangelists are terrorists. Well I think they have a point.

    I love this video by John Oliver on the word of faith movement... Well I say I love, I don't love that such a message is preached but I think it's good he exposed how bad it is.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2017
  19. This option works until things get serious. Beliefs matter. Two people united under a common belief and working towards a common goal will mesh better than two people with opposing beliefs. I've done the "don't care about beliefs" thing. It worked great until we started talking about marriage, family, how our kids would be raised, etc etc etc. The only way opposing beliefs will work is if someone is willing to sacrifice theirs for another, and depending upon your beliefs that's not always possible or healthy.
     
  20. Scourge

    Scourge Fapstronaut

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    I live in the South and I don't think I know anyone, Christian or otherwise, under 40 who waited 2 months before having sex. Seems like a long time to me. Maybe it's the people I'm around, IDK...
     

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