TooMuchTooSoon - A Partner's Journal

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by TooMuchTooSoon, Jan 29, 2017.

  1. Being strong called by one of the strongest kickass women I've "met" is a huge compliment. In a departure from my past, I will take it rather than downplay it. I AM strong and beautiful dammit! ;)

    I loved Timer! May have to rewatch it. When it comes to romcoms right now, though, I'm feeling very much like this:

    Kenzi likes this.
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    But Timer has such a ironic ending! Lol... I feel you tho... :)
    TooMuchTooSoon likes this.
  3. ItsNeverTooLate

    ItsNeverTooLate Fapstronaut

    Knowing what you want vs what you need is a good step toward self-care. Best wishes to you always! You are worthy of someone honest and who treats you like the incredible woman that you are! Keep up the good work!

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  4. stephanD

    stephanD Fapstronaut

    As you said yourself i think the PA is a symptom rather than a cause. I hope you find someone who can talk about themselves from a secure place within. There are good new experiences and people out there in your future, I hope you find them when you're ready.
    need4realchg likes this.
  5. Wow it’s been forever since I posted. I still lurk around here and there. Since I’m no longer with a PA, I don’t feel I entirely belong but at the same time it probably offers a different perspective that could prove helpful so why not. :)

    It’s been a little over 9 months since my PA and I broke up. Many things have improved but I still find myself triggered from time to time. It’s more like I was oblivious before and now my eyes have been opened to the world as it is and what it means. It’s not a pretty picture.

    Being in Las Vegas for work right now is also NOT helpful. I’ve always hated this place as none of its offerings really appeal to me. I don’t drink or gamble. I HATE smoking and it’s a perpetual haze here, especially inside the hotel/casinos. I am not inclined to drop major $$$ on a show. The food options are infinite but I’m pretty ambivalent about that too. So that doesn’t leave much. Worst of all is the attitude. It’s like it’s Pleasure Island from Pinocchio, or halloween year round. Everyone’s looking for an excuse to dress scantily and behave badly. All in the name of ‘fun.’ No thanks. It’s all just gross escapism. This is pretty much a personal hell here for any recovering PA or SO. Ugh. Just keeping my head down and getting through the week. I can do this. I can do this. Maybe if I say it enough times I’ll actually start to believe it. ;)

    Even my bosses were talking about how people will dress here as they wouldn’t ANYWHERE else and much like bachelor/ette parties, I wonder why anyone thinks it’s ok to behave in a certain way for that occasion or place when any other day it would never fly. Just like why is it ok if you’re PAYING someone - ie strippers, etc. - to do things that you’d never allow for free? Just cuz it’s their JOB? I’ll never understand that I guess. I refuse to be a ‘cool girl,’ especially after all I’ve learned going through years of PA research and hell.

    So onward. I hope everyone is well and wish all the best for all the brave souls here who are committed to recovery, PAs and SOs alike.
  6. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Can you move to another place? I've only been to Vegas once and I completely agree with you.
  7. Oh I don’t live in Vegas. I’m just here for work for a short time. I live in coastal Southern California, though, which isn’t all that much better. I’ve been looking into moving elsewhere - preferably somewhere with a lower COL - but it’s hard to know what might be a good fit. I’ve lived in SoCal my whole life. Any suggestions? :)
  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I loved Washington, near Seattle, but you'd lose a lot of sun!!!
  9. Lol. Washington is on the list. I love the Snohomish/Everett area. Other states include Oregon, Idaho, the Carolinas, Connecticut, and Maine. I’ve got a big road trip ahead to scope everything out :) One particular town in Kansas was on the list but the tornadoes may keep me away.
    kropo82 likes this.
  10. ItsNeverTooLate

    ItsNeverTooLate Fapstronaut

    Colorado is gorgeous but too much snow for me. Arizona and Idaho better COL and beautiful as well, but again weather just not what it is in So Cal. I think us So Cal peeps are spoiled. I’m in Nor Cal now. I can’t believe you can’t go swimming at the beaches year round and only occasionally in the summer even! Definitely miss the weather and cultural diversity but I don’t miss the superficial worldliness I was surrounded by when I did live in L.A.

    Good to hear from you! Hugs!
    kropo82, TooMuchTooSoon and Kenzi like this.
  11. Texas is taking lots of folks from California and most don’t complain. You can upsize your house compared to SoCal :).

    Btw ... I was perused your journal; are you able to say that pa is much wider addiction than you perceived previously?

    In light of the widespread nature of addiction, is it possible to find a male untouched by our sexualized society?
    TooMuchTooSoon likes this.
  12. I’ve heard good things about Arizona. Right now I’m leaning toward Seattle, or the areas around Seattle that aren’t quite as expensive. I don’t mind not swimming at the beaches and right now cooler weather sounds pretty nice. Summer is actually my least favorite season here. It always was, just now more so and for additional reasons. Lol. Good to hear from you. :)
  13. Austin was on my list, still is, but I’m reluctant to live anywhere A/C is a REQUIREMENT to survive. :)

    To answer your questions I think the effects of this addiction or that it was an addiction are definitely more widespread. All the research I did really opened my eyes to many things. None of them pleasant. I hope with greater awareness it can be moved out of the shadows and treated for what it is.

    I don’t think it’s possible to find ANYONE untouched by our (over)sexualized society. Despite some lip service to the contrary, we still teach girls that their worth is in beauty and youth and their desirability to men. And we still teach boys to view them that way, as objects to possess or discard. Both sides need to be addressed if we’re ever to turn things around. As long as were looking to people like the Kardashians as role models... I don’t hold out much hope.

    Society is sick, diseased from all the consumerism which is only feeding this monster. We treat people as self-aware objects and prey upon the very insecurities society has instilled in them. That’s why I liken P to smoking. How are any of the self-hate driven industries (basically anything that tells you that you NEED their product to be improved in whichever way) any better than the tobacco companies? They just destroy mental and emotional health as opposed to physical health. Ugh.

    Ok getting off the soapbox now. But back to your question. I don’t think any males are untouched. I just hope to find one who sees through the BS and respects women and fidelity enough to be the kind of partner I want and need. Otherwise as I ( and many other SOs have said) I’m just fine and probably healthier being on my own.

    I wish you the best on this journey. You have my utmost respect for being here and doing the real work. I know it’s not easy, but it’s honest and admirable. That is where the hope lies.
  14. LOL. Died at A/C is a requirement... but didn't Rick Perry tell us California invented global warming...?? Why do only we just suffer through it...! :D okay okay okay. A/C is not so bad, you get used to only 2.5 seasons... ask all the rest of the world who live in the tropics :D

    Thank you for your well wishes; I think I am so happy to see your answer, and in fact it does NOT surprise me; but reading many journals, I think there is a pervasive myth that women generally subscribe to from the time they are taught Disney to when their marriage partner takes off his mask and turns BACK into the Shrek HE KNEW he had hiding for so long.

    Leaving was not always an option, but now it is in the post modern society.
    Today the temptation is for the damsel to think...well "if i leave this one, there's a prince charming who has lived in a internet-free castle for 30 years and will be perfect..."

    Well, maybe not that perfect! Right?

    Let me say it this way... I am a perfectionist, with a gorgeous daughter and as such often suffer from overzealous, high expectations and lots of disappointments. Heck, disappointment is such a devastating adversary because he/she lives in your brain and constantly teases you with your own ideals about what you should have, should look like, money you should make, what your partner should not do, etc.

    Given your unflinching description, would it not better might sound if we begin with the premise that 93% of men are exposed to hyper-sexualized conditioning, (leave a small percentage as monks/handicapped/virgins/unexposed for outliers) then--we train our daughters/sisters/aunts/mothers on how to deal with the culture on some level.

    As a father, I will be educating my daughter on the reality of men; not hyping her up for the disney love story that no statistic supports on marriage. I think you are bold to say "singleness" is possible--so many people reject this option, but it's the most logical as well.

    In the end, the escape is to find a new partner which as some journals show , the replacement does not mean better, just means a new period of discovery, followed by a new period of trust building followed by a new period of boundary-setting, etc.

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