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Total recovery from severe addiction+pied

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Nainif27, Mar 4, 2019.

  1. Nainif27

    Nainif27 Fapstronaut

    Hello all,
    First of all I just want to say how fucking incredible this website is, and how much it has helped me in the last 3 years. Though I was never the kind to sign up and track my progress, the success page has always kept my hopes up through this whole journey, and without descovering this and YBOP I would still be in the same place for god knows how long.

    A bit about myself - I am a 19 year old guy living in Cornwall, England. Generally very fit and active, and by no means what I would condsider ugly guy, who has spent his entire upbringing incapable of sex or the ability to love anyone or anything. I probably discovered porn at around 12/13, and for the last 7 years I have been on a disgusting, sickening journey through the every alley and pathway porn sites have to offer. Although I was blissfully unaware, this instant means of satisfaction was slowly numbing me and my emotions, where even the little things I enjoyed as a child were simply chores I had to carry out each day in order to feel relevant to society. Socialising, nature, family, sports, you fucking name it. Only once you are past this stage do you really realise how much you are just drifting through life without any true feelings of accomplishment, or love. I won’t get into the details of what i watched, or how much I watched it, but I can safely say that my situation was as bad as the worst I’ve read on this website. Any attempt at sex throughout these past 3 years has been a miserable, embarrassing forced attempt at trying to sustain an erection with little to no satisfaction in the very rare cases it worked. The worst thing about it all is that I thought this was totally normal, and that as soon as I got home it didn’t matter, bacuse I could turn on my computer and let it suck my soul and make me feel good again. I didn’t love anyone. Family, friends, girls, they were all just people who I talked to with no meaning. It was 3 years ago I stumbled upon this website.

    I am writing this now 6 months after last watching any kind of porn.

    When you first set out on this journey, it’s hard to imagine how difficult it’s actually going to be. It’s not just a case of feeling shocked, feeling shit then never watching porn again, it’s a constant stuggle of your mind and body as your brain is starved of this amazing incredible thing that is the ultimate instant satisfaction right at your fingertips. I kept a journal of my streaks, the highest in the 3 years being 40 days, and I felt absolutely inhuman by that time. I was unbelievably attached to girls, I was (without effort) working out every day, learning to cook, doing well in college and not smoking weed. But what I know now is that it’s not a case of just going 40 days and expecting everything to be grand, not even a little bit. It needs to be a lifesyle, you cannot even consider that porn should even romotely be a part of your life. Cast away any thoughts such as ‘if I just watch it now, in 2 weeks I’ll feel back to the way I do now’ (one that repetedly set my back). Something awful happened at the end of those 40 days, and my mind instanly leaped to porn as a way of dealing with the situation, which was when I knew I wasn’t cured. Something I’ve learned, is that if you turn to porn as a means of escaping every life situation, you can never grow as a person and deal with real life situations in a way a normal person would. This is why the times where the urges to watch porn are at their strongest, is the best time to heal and recover.

    I’m getting off track - what 6 months has done for me.

    The first 3 months of my porn free life was spent travelling Asia (typical gap year student I know). For most of that time I had no internet, and so was forced to deal with the withdrawals and the real life situations life would throw at me. I was thrown in at the deep end, but I can honestly say that without those 3 months travelling I would not be cured. It forced me to feel passionately about things, to think for myself, to constantly be connecting with people, and to miss my family like no fucking tomorrow. I had my biggest highs during that trip, but also the biggest lows. I cried for the first time in years within the 2nd month. Not just a little tear, I mean a full faced sob in my hostel room, bawling my eyes out in the middle of nowhere but feeling so amazing at the same time. I can only describe it as feeling human. This happened several times on the trip, each one making me stronger and happy that I could feel things once again, it was like being reborn. After I got home I had a down period, the shock of being in England wore off and I was back in my room where I used to jack off my days in isolation, except this time I felt no need to do such a thing.

    Within a few weeks I met a girl. The most amazing, funny, kind and beautiful women I’ve ever met. We’ve been together for 2 months now, I am absolutely so much in love it makes me weird to talk about it all. Any trace of porn induced ED has gone, I can sustain strong erections for hours, and I am legitimately attracted to her; unlike before where I knew what a hot girl looked like, but couldn’t feel it. I would love to say that I am fully cured, but the truth is if you adopt that mindset you can never be sure you won’t go back. I am still on this journey, and am passionate about helping others on the way. After all, this website is the reason I’m writing this post.

    I’ve left a lot out in this (far too long) post, but I think it covers most of the important bits. Never give up hope, I mean seriously, never give up hope. Time is the biggest healer, and the posts on this website should make it clear that nofap does work.
    Please feel free to ask anything, I love you all.
    Anonymous x
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
  2. Sher_rock

    Sher_rock Fapstronaut

    Same problems as you. Pied. Amazing tto hear your story. It give us motivation
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Well done to you!
    We absolutely need to hear this kind of story.
  4. Pompeylad

    Pompeylad Fapstronaut

    Thanks buddy, good read!
    Day 4 of Hard mode and this gives me the motivation to smash it first time!
  5. EternalDreams

    EternalDreams Fapstronaut

  6. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut


    Thank you for sharing mate, keep up the good fight.
  7. Thank you. I really needed this today.
    Chymeoaac and Deleted Account like this.
  8. Thanks for sharing. Because sharing is caring.
    Chymeoaac and EternalDreams like this.
  9. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    Yes sir! Amen brother!!
  10. GeorgeSherper

    GeorgeSherper Fapstronaut

    Very inspiring post mate. Am almost 14 days clean but I find it hard to keep my mind away from porn. How do you manage to do that?
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019
  11. So freaking inspiring. Thank you.
    Chymeoaac likes this.
  12. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

    Very motivational post! I will recover from this horrible addiction and let love and happiness enter my life again
  13. HappyBuddhist

    HappyBuddhist New Fapstronaut

    Looking that you cried in trip, it must be India right?
  14. QuietKarma

    QuietKarma Fapstronaut

    Such a great story and glad it had a happy ending.

    I have succumb to this kind of thinking plenty of times - this is solid advice.

    Cornwall is a beautiful place, I wish you the best on your journey.
  15. k0nn3ct

    k0nn3ct Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Awesome. Thanks for sharing!
  16. Well written, clear and concise.

    The biggest benefit from porn is that your mind becomes clear and not foggy.

    Also you find yourself with a lot of time that can be used productively.

    Porn and Masturbation are really not worth it.
    SirErnest likes this.
  17. Nainif27

    Nainif27 Fapstronaut

    Nepal actually! India definitely next on the list though
  18. Nainif27

    Nainif27 Fapstronaut

    Abolusltey, I always find that you feel so much better after resisting an urge too. And yes! A stunning place to live, though currently got myself an apprenticeship in Salisbury so missing the sea a fair bit.
  19. Nainif27

    Nainif27 Fapstronaut

    Thank you! Yes absolutely. I find myself doing things which I know will benefit me in the long term, instead of things that will get me by day-to-day (I’m sure quitting weed helped this a fair bit too)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. Nainif27

    Nainif27 Fapstronaut

    Just power through these first few weeks and everything’s gets easier I promise. Keep yourself busy! Never let your mind wonder if you’re bored.
    GeorgeSherper likes this.

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