Towards a better life

Hey,

I am 25 Male from India. I so wish I had never frequented websites that taught me what ASL is. I have been struggling with porn addiction and sissy fetish for more than 7 years. A year back, I saw a clinical psychologist who specializes in sexual addictions and he assured me that I didn't have any addiction. His diagnosis stemmed from the fact that I have a pretty successful career and am able to live life in an otherwise "normal" way. I felt good for a month after that even as I continued to follow the same routine of PMO as I did earlier. And then things went back to their old self and after every PMO session, I was overcome with sadness and guilt at not being able to exert self control. Around the same time, I met a wonderful girl and we started seeing each other. We have been together for a year and I have made no progress in tackling this addiction. Our intimacy has suffered as a result of that.

I have known about NoFap for 4 years now and although I made attempts to abstain from porn, I was hardly successful. The longest I have gone is 40 days without PMO. I have always used this post as my preamble. I fully understand that abstinence is not recovery and porn is not the root cause of my suffering. I need to learn to manage my negative emotions and be open to being uncomfortable.

I have had a long history of confusion around my sexuality and that has pushed me into kinds of porn I was not attracted to when I began. Quitting porn has been easier for me than to stop fantasizing about my fetishes. Most articles suggest that I might not be able to get rid of the sissy fetish ever. It's probably true, but I would like to try. I am going to maintain a journal and write everyday about what I feel. Here's hoping that I am able to change my life for the better!

Thanks for reading and being supportive.