Tracing the cord back to the wall

To understand where I am I have had to go on a deep dive to explore just how I got here.

For me, it all started with the top shelf magazines.

The year is 1997, the internet wasn't a thing in the home, a year later its believed 9% of homes in the UK had the internet so in the porn spiraling fap terms of today it was a prehistoric.

Aged 13 and my life revolved around football (soccer for those across the pond) video games and not being the kid in school with the worst haircut.

My curiosity about women and in particular their nakedness had led me to the pages of a newspaper supplement, inside this was a few pictures of Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) from a pre pop career photo shoot. I had smuggled it out of the trash and hid it under my mattress, this couple of pages was my first stash.

I think in the process of house cleaning and changing bedding the mother had spotted this and obviously thought the boy is at that stage, rather than the "chat" they probably thought we cant let the boy comb the bins or pinch the newspapers. (Papers here in the UK would have a page 3 model back then so topless women would be the first thing you see in a newpaper)

Instead of the chat I get home one evening to find my scrunched up magazine had been taken. I noticed under my bed a bag, inside was the jackpot! Club, Mayfair, Penthouse, Just 18 to name just a few.

Obviously the Porn Fairy isn't a thing so my parents probably thought they were helping me out at that age where boys will be boys.

This was my first encounter and like so many people I thought this is cool, but this stash hidden under my bed has evolved and changed with time and tech.

It remained something that I wouldn't talk about nor see as a real problem for quite some time.