Trans and Sissy porn has hijacked my life, is it too late to return?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Jamie_K, Feb 25, 2017.

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Is there a chance for my return to being a str8 guy?

  1. yes, James can return

    83.8%
  2. no, Jamie, it is too late

    16.2%
  1. Kim hanson

    Kim hanson Fapstronaut

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  2. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Kim hanson likes this.
  3. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    Is this the only person you can find on NoFap who has, in your judgment, a misconception about women? If not, is this the worst case?
     
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  4. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Chivalry is alive and well
    XOXO
     
  5. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

    Just my two cents here, but I don't know if your poll should only have two options. Either that or I'm trying to understand why you would be concerned with going back to being straight, first off. Are you more attracted to females than males? I mean, it seems you are still attracted to males and have been the way you describe them.

    I will try to explain where I'm coming from based off of my own personal experiences. I had fantasies of dressing in lingerie that go back to even before I was able to watch porn regularly. So when I started to find sissy porn, and more importantly sissy hypno porn, I was drawn to it immediately and really enjoyed it. With my escalating porn consumption and graduation to many extreme tastes, becoming a sissy was a very real fantasy for me. But my personal life outside of porn never reflected this. My primary attraction was always to females and to this day, I've never actually been attracted to another male even though my fantasies covered the standard homosexual acts in sissy porn.

    As far as sexual orientation, I don't think sissy porn shaped it for you. You show a very strong attraction to men, at least on the surface, and that's ok. But I consider it a separate thing.

    Your situation seems much different than one who can be sucked in by sissy porn. You seem to have always had effeminate mannerisms and a super taste for female fashion. I think this might be just who you are unless. And again, that's ok. Nobody can tell you not to be comfortable with who you are. Only you can do that.
     
  6. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Hi LoneDanger --
    Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful note :)
    TO answer your question: I have never EVER been attracted to females in a sexual way. I like hanging with a few but have rather always observed other woman and either learned / emulated or been jealous / competed with them. And by observing them I mean --- what shoes, clothes, jewelry, hair styles, makeup etc --- what and how did they style themselves to be pretty or sexy to guys. I have NEVER looked at a woman sexually.
    Guys? Well, guys I have almost always checked out in a sexual way --- since forever. I was in love with my best friend Ed when I was 5 --- I had such a crush on him. In early teens, tall guys with nice eyes and smiles, confidant, broad shoulders and thinner at the waist --- hunky guys --- they made me VERY uncomfortable as a boy because I wanted to kiss them or have them spend time with me in some way (even if non-sexual, just being near them). Once I transitioned, it was THOSE type of guys that I gained the confidence to flirt wth and seduce and date (My current boyfriend is a hottie hunk --- I'm 5'0", and he is 6'2" and built and I melt every day I wake in his arms and every night I snuggle up to him spooned in bed.)

    I have always been feminine.

    Good questions. Maybe I am not trying to be str8 --- that would be impossible as I re-read my answer above. It is just that I never even TRIED to get a girl. That said, the thought of kissing one as a man trying to be an alpha male scares me and repulses me.

    Keep this thought going --- it is taking my brain in a direction I hadn't really faced off on yet.Thanks
    Jamie XOXO
     
  7. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

    I think you answered your own question. I really don't think you want to be a straight man or be any man for that matter. I consider that trying to be someone you're not.

    Guys like myself that get into sissy porn have quite the opposite impulses. Homosexual thoughts and the idea of feeling feminine arouses us, but it doesn't feel natural.

    I suggest you be happy with yourself and rock it for what it's worth!
     
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  8. Kim hanson

    Kim hanson Fapstronaut

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    Does your Penis still has a power to maintain an erection? or its just dead?
     
  9. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    No power, no erection whatsoever --- but I very much prefer it that way. I have been on full-dosage M2F hormones for almost 6 years now.

    I can still orgasm very easy, though, even though it is apparently unresponsive -- a penis does NOT have to be hard in order to orgasm. (Guys would not know this, as real men are always hard, or so it seems.) Mostly, though, it performs and responds (and is so tiny anyway that it is almost the same size) as a clitoris (which is how I refer to it.) Especially intense feelings occur when i have anal orgasms together with my clitty cumming. (MAYBE this is TMI, if so I can delete.)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 2, 2017
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  10. Solidium

    Solidium Fapstronaut

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    I have two question:

    1. You start as a skinny boy with powerless, desire for acknowledge, love, and sex. After 6 years of continously M2F, you're here, a girl. So if you start to comeback to be a man, it'll take you about 6 years just to back to square 1: a noname boy, no love, no one care, no sex. And it will need much longer for you to be a man. And even than, you couldn't be a masculine one, just a so-so Asian boy. Can you be satisfied with that ?

    2. After years of happy with who you are, you still struggle yourself with a random question: What life is if I was a man ? I don't know your problem, it might be serious. But if, somehow in the future you meet the same problem as a man and wish to be a woman again, can you take that ? It's not too late for now, but turn back to be a man and than realise that that's not what you want, it'll be too late. So, do you really want it ?
     
  11. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Hi Solidium,
    Thank you for reaching out.
    You have outlined my dilemma PERFECTLY -- it took forever to get here as a popular girl, and even now, w a few questions I have posted here, I am as happy as I have ever been. So that is MY question I ask to ME all the time as of late: WHAT IF I stayed as a boy?? Would i have grown to be happy (or happier?). I do not know the answer.
    But I THINK i would NOT BE HAPPY as a tiny thin little man at 5'0". I do not think I'd be having many girlfriends, especially when they realize I am not only physically small, but I also have a micropenis (it is slightly under 2" fully erect, and that never happens anymore). I might have a sugar daddy bear guy if i stayed gay. But i think i would have remained weak and meek and unnoticed.
    I THINK this, but i do nt KNOW this. It is a guess.

    The second part of your question is also something I wonder about --- getting back a male body. I think it is near impossible. Years of hormonal changes and I have a tiny waist BUT I grew a big booty bottom. I could get breast reduction via surgery, but it is my ass that will be the problem---it is big and round. So I am not sure I can get back to a boy figure.

    All that said, for some reason THESE are my questions right now. I am thinking now, after a week on NoFap, that maybe i did the right thing going m2f, but i just need to face this question(s) deeply and not superficially evaluate them.

    Jamie
    xoxo
     
  12. Kim hanson

    Kim hanson Fapstronaut

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    jamie can u send me ur instagram /facebook username so we can chat
     
  13. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    James, I am really glad you added to your post that you need to seriously evaluate the issues at hand and not superficially evaluate them.
    I will continue to repeat myself over and over again when I suggest to you to consider all of the questions you concerns you are having and that are brought to you but mainly deal with what brought you here: controlling your addiction to PMO.

    That will be difficult enough. Their are so many men on here whose stories I've read where porn has influenced who they currently are and how they see the world around them. Whether they no longer value women to whether being aroused only by men to being attracted to the humiliation and or rape of women to situations as yours where you question whether you want to fully be a woman. It is only after going down the journey of self discovery that there is clarity in their lives; it is only after there has been at least a month or so of sobriety that views of self begin and began to change. So if no one else on this site does, I will ask you delay any serious decisions until no less than 3 months of sobriety. Yes, that may be extremely difficult to reach (or not, you may surprise yourself) but I know that with no hesitation, any future decision will be made with a level of clarity you cannot have now.

    I do acknowledge you don't know how life would have been had you lived a different life and you can only conjecture what life might have been, which is fair.

    Time, patience and healing will reveal who you were before porn began to affect you. You are only at the beginning of your journey... keep walking.
     
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  14. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    This is confusing to me because in your initial post you state,"OK, I guess THAT is enough background. Without going in the details of WHY, I must say this: I am unhappy as hell. I want to reverse my decisions and be what I was born to be --- a guy. A man. Or at least understand IF I CAN BE a man, or if it is too late for me."

    This says to me that there is still much internal conflict. Allow time and healing to reveal to you what you seek.
     
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  15. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Hi DJ --- you NAILED it, "there is MUCH (an much much more) internal conflict." Period. I am now DAY 6 of this, and I find it interesting AND difficult. My body craving sex -- MO or real contact. My fantasies are vivid and hard to push out of my head. And my emotions are swinging wider than ever ---- the varied feedback from here (this is first time sharing my thoughts and getting responses) coupled with the FEAR and UNCERTAINTY of staying OR reversing decisions has me sounding confused because, well, I am confused.

    I go from "Maybe I was wrong, i should be a boy" to "Screw it. I'm hot. Stop thinking, go get laid". Really. I am finding that the deeper I doubt,, the stronger the pendulum swings to the other side to reinforce my m2f decision using a guy and his sex for a drug/reinforcement. In just 5 days this has emerged in my consciousness: I am using the reinforcement of str8 men ("Damn, you're hot, lets f**k") to validate me. Not good. I need to validate me without all that, and I have yet to do so.

    It scares me to think of reversal --- those questions are at the crux of my fear.

    BUT, I made a commitment to face this for at least 90 days, and I will. I promise. I agree I need time, reflection, and need to figure of if ALL OF ME (my full brain) wants this or just my dopamine-rushed brain that controls me right now.

    THANK YOU for your perseverance with me!! xoxo
     
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  16. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    You're right. My early addiction to PMO made me stop thinking rationally and i began to le my OCD just make reactions to the thing that felt best ---release, feminine affirmation, guys attentions, creating a feminine persona, etc. THAT was all I did for years in my teens.

    I will face it all as you suggest, DJ. Promise.
    xoxo
     
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  17. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    I am not giving up on you. I will encourage you through this and pose the difficult questions that only you can answer. Yes, I will challenge you as you have seen as others have seen me do it will be only within what you have said you want.

    Much love for you James.
     
  18. Kim hanson

    Kim hanson Fapstronaut

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    Kim if you really want to change then you have to stay away frm having sex with MEN. Try to change your brain and your emotions. MEN were not created to be FUCKED. We FUCK but not FUCKED . This is the essence of life of all animals.

    You are not late , Make wise decision NOW.
     
  19. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Hi Kim --- that is very straightforward advice yet very difficult to control, for me. I love guys --- the way they think and smell and feel. I love how their brains work. I love how they just KNOW what they want and they TAKE it. Men are powerful, and really good ones are irresistibly sexy to me --- I get all weak and vulnerable and, when I am with the man I love, I just want him to take me.
    Any way, it is rational advice and good advice, I just need to get myself to a point where I can control the attraction I have.
    I am hoping the 90 day NoFap cold turkey works. I am in day 6 or 7 and I am going nuts for attention and touch! LoL
    xoxo
    Jamie
     
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  20. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    You do realize that this is a very overgeneralization of men? Some men are stupid, some men stink-- maybe because of smoking, the food the consume or poor hygiene. Many men never know what they want and many others never take anything not given to them on a platter. Many men are nowhere near powerful... what you have described is a stereotype of men and a very small group of men that actually exist.
    Even within that group that you do love, you failed to mention some of those men are egotistical, domineering, belittling and chauvinistic.
    From what I have seen in the past 6 - 7 days, Jamie sees what she wants to see that benefits her and ignores the rest. You have called her narcissistic and I agree. James is better than that.
     
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