Transexual Addiction PIED and HOCD

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by StillAWarrior, Jul 24, 2018.

  1. StillAWarrior

    StillAWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Porn Addiction and Extreme porn recovery

    Hello im George SORRY FOR MY BAD WRITING, I had very much the same issues that i read all over the net but i needed to tell my story, long story sort I have been viewing Pornography from 10yr old, at stard just images then movies, i was surely low key addicted and masturbated EVERY SINGLE DAY, somedays 2-3 times, till my 20s it was vanilla porn but i was heavy in family role playing porn,
    all my life i had this phobia of gay images gay porn and i felt very weird when i viewd them by mistake, i remember when i was young i had this fear that im gay and anxious thought, but honestly never felt really like it (Later i discovered about that HOCD thing)
    when i was 20 i watched a shemale porno, one bringed other and my downfall began (at this point let my mention my first sexual experience with a girl was at 15, i liked very much i was so hard and i couldnt hold my cum, after 3 years of more heavy porn use, i was with a girl and i couldn't keep an erection and i couldnt even come close to cum (maybe due i used a condom)
    after my shemale addiction after 20s i was with a girl and i couldnt even get it up...this really destroyed me, i slipped deeper in my addiction i would view heavy shemale porn, and sometimes after too much shemale porn couldnt do it i watched some gay scenes, but not any gay scenes, i searched heavy for the most dopamine full scenes that could get me edging and cum like a junkie, I WAS A JUNKIE honestly i was so hypnotized by my dopamine..

    After all this i got with this girl...i liked so much , so much like no other girl, in my 21. we got together in bed and i got so hard, we maked love for 1,5 hour, still i couldnt cum but honestly i was feeling amazing...and she left me...this destroyed me once more and i slipped again in my addiction even harder...From this point, and 2 years now i never been with a girl again and im heavy into my addiction with transgender porn...)
    And here we are , this the current situation, i met one girl that i like sooo muchh and i found the courage fighting this, i havent watched any porn for 7 days and i will keep going, but let me tell you, today i have masturbated for one Semen Test, for medical reasons, i tried thinking about girls and etc but i couldnt get it up...i was so anxious, once i thinked about fucking a trans boom i got erect and i came... This got me really frustaded this is why im back on this forum searching for answers,
    I hope to get your feedback even my writing skills are so lame, because im not english native , Tell me your thoughts your support and some tips...
    I will get better ? can i have my life back ? really i want a wife kids and a family..and honestly i LOVE WOMAN so much but my addiction have fucked me up so hard, i have 40 days till i meet her and i will go completely hard mode...**but im not sure if i can get it up again...and how i will face it...i avoided girls this years because im afraid of failure...**anyways thats my story im waiting for some HELP!!! :
    ( (LET ME ADD A IMPORTANT ELEMENT FOR THIS, I SMOKED WEED very often, I WAS HIGH WHILE I STARTED SHEMALE PORN, I WAS HIGH AND DIDNT THINK IT MUCH, EVRYTIME I CUM AFTER I FEEL SOOO HORRIBLEE THAT I THINK I SHOULD DIE TO ERASE ALL THIS FROM MIND ONCE AND FOR ALL. honestly its a heavy burden in my back all of this , i beg for your HELP !!!
     
  2. Mikesharkd341

    Mikesharkd341 Fapstronaut

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    (The reply is going to be long, however I hope you read it)
    Hey man, the most important thing to understand first of all is that you are not alone.
    I am younger than you (17) and I have been watching porn since I was 11 or 12, being a lonely teenager with insecurities and shy all the time, I've only had near-sex experiences with a girl, but not actual sex, and I never felt out of place like most real gays do and I enjoyed every moment with girls.
    But a year ago I got a case of depersonalization from smoking a lot of weed and felt like I never had felt before, like a completely different person, so that brought extra anxiety and depression and insecurities in my life which eventually lead me to question everything including my sexuality.
    What is important to see what your real sexuality is is remembering if you liked girls before you even watched porn, this really gave me reassurance and will to fight with this addiction.

    I believe a lot of people who recognize themselves as gay have reverted to their true self later in life after they realized they dont belong there, but the scariest thing is some dont and live as they have nurtured themselves to be throughout their life with porn. As has been stated in a lot of scientific research, the brain is really malleable and very strong things like the release of porn and orgasms, can influence even the most fundamental things like one's sexuality. That is why porn is really dangerous, as I've felt and still feel first hand, it can turn you into things that aren't natural to your real self.
    There are real gay people on this forum who have felt like this and know they have been all their life but are in the same dilemma we (real straight people) are and feel just the same, thinking they are straight because of porn.

    I've felt scared same as you might feel, and I still do, feeling shame, guilt, heavy depression and suicidal thoughts just to make the suffering end, but it's better if you feel these things and come out of them even stronger than before rather than being in illusion for many years and being insecure in your sexuality. There is light ahead, but only if you abstain from this evil which is porn for long enough, I have hope myself it will be this way not because I've went through it yet but because of reading about other people's situations on this forum and realizing that we are not alone.
    I think isolation and inside insecurities play a major part in acquiring this condition, I know this because for most of my life I am insecure, shy and isolated, and only in isolation I've dwelled enough on these thoughts for them to distress me, where as if I was more social and went outside more I probably wouldn't have faced these horrible dilemmas, but on the other part I am kind of glad I did because I don't know how else I would discover that I have a porn problem, and it might have escalated into even worse things.

    Again, sorry for the long posts but it's the only way for me to express myself and try to help you, because I know how it is man and I am going through the same shit right now too.
    I hope you found some reassurance from me, however I know reassurance from others is not enough to fix your ways and return to your normal, happy self. But remember, time heals everything, which is the main part of this program, going through enough time and abstaining, so that you might heal.

    Best of luck, if you want to speak to anyone I am always here and we could help eachother out giving eachother input and reassurance.

    Take care.
     
  3. StillAWarrior

    StillAWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much about your answer but in the point that i am now im clear about this ,the only reason that i escalated there is the extremeness and the dopamine of the shocks,thank God I'm 100 percent sure about my sexuality. My doubts now it's about the recvery thing and how long it will take for me, and if i will be the very same person i was after all this porn.
     
  4. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    You will never quite be the same person you were in the past. Life experiences change people. You CAN become a person you respect, and live in harmony with your values and true nature again. There may well be permanent "scars", but you can learn to live without guilt and shame for your past, because that's not who you are anymore. While you may want to simply roll back the clock to when you were 10, that's simply impossible.

    Here's a question I've recently started asking myself: What would I do differently in my life if I could go back and do things over with what I know now? I've started asking that question because I had this inspiration that the answer to that question is the answer to this question: What should I be doing NOW?
     
    Hitto likes this.

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