transwoman Addiction

T

thelostone1994

Fapstronaut
Hello,

Just a warning - this is going to be a long post of my story.

I want to start off by saying that I am not new to NoFap. I have practiced it before and the longest I’ve ever gone was for 1 month..the addiction if transwoman porn keeps coming back. It is almost unreal to me.

Let’s start off with my childhood. I was always a hyper sexual kid. This may give you a chuckle lol, but I remember being around 5 and had found a set of Disney toys laying around. I don’t remember who the toys were of - but I remember one was a female and the other was a male. When I went to sleep I would put both the toys in my underwear next to my dick for whatever reason..I would also wrap toilet paper around my dick. I was a kid, I had no idea what I was doing or what sex was but when I did this, it gave me a strange sensual feeling as a kid.

Fast forward to my middle school years. I found out about porn through my oldest brother who would leave porn on the main computer overnight. At first it was regular porn but one day that all changed..me and my second oldest brother (come to find out is gay a couple of years later but I’ll get back to that) found transwoman porn on the computer that my oldest brother had left on overnight.

This terrified me as a kid. I never knew this was a possibility - a chick with a dick? Disgusting..every morning I would find transwoman porn on the computer. My oldest brother was addicted. I would snoop around and find collections of torrents of transwoman porn he downloaded. I didn’t know what to make of it..is my brother gay? He had a girlfriend at the time so I didn’t think this was possible. He never knew that I found out and probably doesn’t know that I know till this day. Anyways, this disgusted me so I disregarded it.

I’m in about 8th grade now and I’m jacking off like crazy. Didn’t care when or where, I would find a way to do it. Pics would do it for me. When I had the time my favorite porn was milf, lesbian, ass and Latina porn..one day when nobody was home I decided to try to give it a go by jerking off to my brothers transwoman porn collection. I was disgusted by doing it but for some reason I was still hard and eventually did the deed..at this age, I didn’t think anything of it. It didn’t really phase me as it does now but it was almost normal to me..maybe because my brother normalized it without knowing..

Im still in 8 grade and my parents rent out a basement to this guy. The man was strange. He had kids but would also get picked up by another guy in the morning for work. Always thought this dude was weird. Come to find out - the guy was gay. I found out because he left his door open one day and I snooped in his room..this man had cut outs of gay porn taped all over his room wall. I was fucking disgusted and told my oldest brother and his friend. They go to check out the room and come running up the stairs laughing and scared. Long story short, the guy never paid his rent so my parents kicked him out. That room later became the room for me and my second oldest brother.

One day, I caught my second oldest brother watching gay porn. He tried to hide it but I caught on before anyone else in my family did. After jacking off to regular porn and transwoman porn..one day I came up with the stupidest idea and jacked off to gay porn. I’m still in 8th grade but this action really made me feel disgusted. Worse than the transwoman porn. I kept it at regular porn and on occasion I would watch transwoman porn - but I didn’t think anything of it. I was still a normal kid.

Fast forward to my HS years and my first GF. I’ve been jacking off to transwoman porn on occasion like it was normal even with a GF. As I grew older and after the breakup of my first ex, post HS - the idea of jacking off to transwoman porn started to effect my mental. I decided to make a life changing action that kind of ruined my life. I decided I wanted to move to Las Vegas to pursue my music career. I was supposed to move in with a friend who I had known previously. Long story short - it didn’t work out, the kid ended up in the hospital as I touched down and I had no place to stay. Coincidence, I ended up staying at a motel and there was a transgender person who stayed next to my room..I was sick..the first time I’ve seen one in real life and it looked more like a dude. I ended up coming back to my hometown with no car and job and living in my moms basement..I was so depressed. I felt like I let everyone down. I was unemployed for about 4 months. I used transwoman porn as an escape from all my problems. This was one of the darkest points I ever reached. It would be transwoman porn every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. It got so bad that I would watch gay porn sometimes. When I came from watching gay porn I always felt a really bad sick to my stomach feeling. Then I found sissy porn...this was way too addicting for me and it got me to a point that I was thinking of becoming a female...I kept thinking about it..running away from everyone not telling anybody where I went. Finding a way to turn into a transwoman and do transwoman porn. There would be plenty of times I would catch myself and ask why am I doing what I’m doing and why am I having these thoughts? There were multiple time I wanted to kill myself. But the transwoman porn would make me feel better, and also make me feel like shit..

Fast forward to a year later and now I’m employed and making money. I have a car, still live with my moms but everything is okay now. I started taking psychedelics and really tried to pick my brain and explore what it is that got me hooked to transwoman porn. There was a point where I was on shrooms and tried to watch transwoman porn and it did not work out. For the first time in my life, I thought I had beat my addiction. My body and the shrooms was telling me “this ain’t right”. I stopped watching transwoman porn for a while but my urges would come back. I’m in my second relationship and after that, my third one a couple years later. I was still watching transwoman porn here and there but this time - feeling absolutely disgusted with myself after doing the deed..

Fast forward to the recent years - I dabbled with NoFap. About a year and a half ago I discovered NoFap and gave it a go. I would go 1 week tops before having urges again. But this time the urges were just with regular porn. I got to a point where I did NoFap for a month. I relapsed but with regular porn. Although my transwoman addiction has shaken off, I was still watching porn. But this was progress, it’s been almost a year since I’ve watched transwoman porn so I was kind of happy.

Fast forward to the present and here we are: in Quarantine..with the gyms shut down, I really have a lot of free time and guess what happened, I started binge jacking off..and guess what came back, the infatuation of transwoman porn. It’s been so long since I’ve seen it and at first was disgusted. It didn’t seem right but as the feelings from all those years ago came back, I decided to just submit to it. Now I feel like my addiction has come back. I know it has because I just spent an hr looking at transwoman porn before this post without jacking off. That’s a serious problem.

I’m trying to do NoFap again but I’m always getting urges. The benefits of NoFap are true and I’ve experienced them before..I just wish I had the drive to tell myself “no” when it comes to porn, especially transwoman porn. I need help..

Extra fact: the group of friends I used to hang out with when I was at my lowest used to think I was gay. They would say subliminal jokes about me thinking I wouldn’t catch on so this also affected my mental. This happened because I was single for so long after my first ex and was also going through moving back here. They also know that I have a gay brother and know about the gay guy that was renting the basement previously. I kept questioning my sexuality especially with the porn I was watching..until I got my second GF they kind of switched up on me, not expecting me to get a girl. I’ve since broke apart from that group and have gotten more girls than any of them today. I’ve never met up with a transwoman or even thought of men so idk why I keep having thoughts and questioning if I’m gay..I have these thoughts till this day but I shake it off because I know I’m not gay. I’ve been with more women that I ever thought I would’ve been with but when the transwoman porn comes back..it makes me question myself...especially with all the “non straight” things that I’ve experienced in my life.
 
^Great wall of text, visible from space

Welcome to NoFap. You're in the best place to help you with this problem, and if you want the scientific stuff go to yourbrainonporn.

Quarantine hasn't been good to me either. transwoman is one of my two main fetishes, along with vore. I'm kind of a sub I guess. Someone should do a poll because transwoman/sissy/crossdresser porn addiction is one of the biggest issues here, so you are most certainly not alone. Reboot cannot come without motivation and a good mindset. Think of your biggest goals, not just quitting porn. And think of how PMO is getting in the way of those goals. It shouldn't be hard to see if you have a serious problem.

You need to get "addicted" to healthy habits, and when you quit PMO you won't have time to think about relapsing because you will be so hooked on those positive habits. Look at your life on every level - what would you like to see yourself do differently, besides porn? Now think about how you will make all of those changes. You need a good routine to help keep you on track, and if you're hooked on PMO then you don't have a good routine. I imagine it's something like "wake up - jerk off, fuck around all day, jerk off, go to bed." At least that's what it was like for me.

And probably most important is that you cannot hate yourself for relapsing. I know it's cheesy, but self-love is important. If you think you are a piece of shit, why would you care about changing? That kind of mindset really saps your motivation. Visualize yourself accomplishing all of your dreams in life, and capture that feeling. That feeling should be your motivation. I want to be a savvy mathematician and a wonderful musician who makes people's lives better and more interesting. I want to be someone my kids will be proud of and have a wife that has a million reasons to love me. I want to have a lot of interesting stories to share, and I want people to tell interesting stories about me.

Yeah, there you go. Something like that. I'm gonna be honest, I didn't read all of your post, but I guarantee someone out there has a story that's just like yours. I bet someone with a similar story has fallen into a horrible place and regrets their decisions, and someone else with that story has risen up, maybe through NoFap, and succeeded in freeing themselves. You can be the second person.

Hey bud, this is the animating contest of liberty. It ain't no cake-walk. Let's kick some ass.​
 
Thank you man..it’s okay if you didn’t read the whole thing. It was mainly for me to finally vent out but I appreciate your advice! It may not seem like it, but stuff like this is what makes me feel better so you are more than appreciated!

FellatiousD said:
^Great wall of text, visible from space

Welcome to NoFap. You're in the best place to help you with this problem, and if you want the scientific stuff go to yourbrainonporn.

Quarantine hasn't been good to me either. transwoman is one of my two main fetishes, along with vore. I'm kind of a sub I guess. Someone should do a poll because transwoman/sissy/crossdresser porn addiction is one of the biggest issues here, so you are most certainly not alone. Reboot cannot come without motivation and a good mindset. Think of your biggest goals, not just quitting porn. And think of how PMO is getting in the way of those goals. It shouldn't be hard to see if you have a serious problem.

You need to get "addicted" to healthy habits, and when you quit PMO you won't have time to think about relapsing because you will be so hooked on those positive habits. Look at your life on every level - what would you like to see yourself do differently, besides porn? Now think about how you will make all of those changes. You need a good routine to help keep you on track, and if you're hooked on PMO then you don't have a good routine. I imagine it's something like "wake up - jerk off, fuck around all day, jerk off, go to bed." At least that's what it was like for me.

And probably most important is that you cannot hate yourself for relapsing. I know it's cheesy, but self-love is important. If you think you are a piece of shit, why would you care about changing? That kind of mindset really saps your motivation. Visualize yourself accomplishing all of your dreams in life, and capture that feeling. That feeling should be your motivation. I want to be a savvy mathematician and a wonderful musician who makes people's lives better and more interesting. I want to be someone my kids will be proud of and have a wife that has a million reasons to love me. I want to have a lot of interesting stories to share, and I want people to tell interesting stories about me.

Yeah, there you go. Something like that. I'm gonna be honest, I didn't read all of your post, but I guarantee someone out there has a story that's just like yours. I bet someone with a similar story has fallen into a horrible place and regrets their decisions, and someone else with that story has risen up, maybe through NoFap, and succeeded in freeing themselves. You can be the second person.

Hey bud, this is the animating contest of liberty. It ain't no cake-walk. Let's kick some ass.​
Click to expand...
 
thelostone1994 said:
Thank you man..it’s okay if you didn’t read the whole thing. It was mainly for me to finally vent out but I appreciate your advice! It may not seem like it, but stuff like this is what makes me feel better so you are more than appreciated!
Click to expand...
I encourage you to write often. Either make a journal here or write in a physical diary like me. You are correct, it helps to write out your thoughts and certainly makes you feel better. It also helps you keep track of your goals.
 
thelostone1994 said:
Hello,

Just a warning - this is going to be a long post of my story.

I want to start off by saying that I am not new to NoFap. I have practiced it before and the longest I’ve ever gone was for 1 month..the addiction if transwoman porn keeps coming back. It is almost unreal to me.

Let’s start off with my childhood. I was always a hyper sexual kid. This may give you a chuckle lol, but I remember being around 5 and had found a set of Disney toys laying around. I don’t remember who the toys were of - but I remember one was a female and the other was a male. When I went to sleep I would put both the toys in my underwear next to my dick for whatever reason..I would also wrap toilet paper around my dick. I was a kid, I had no idea what I was doing or what sex was but when I did this, it gave me a strange sensual feeling as a kid.

Fast forward to my middle school years. I found out about porn through my oldest brother who would leave porn on the main computer overnight. At first it was regular porn but one day that all changed..me and my second oldest brother (come to find out is gay a couple of years later but I’ll get back to that) found transwoman porn on the computer that my oldest brother had left on overnight.

This terrified me as a kid. I never knew this was a possibility - a chick with a dick? Disgusting..every morning I would find transwoman porn on the computer. My oldest brother was addicted. I would snoop around and find collections of torrents of transwoman porn he downloaded. I didn’t know what to make of it..is my brother gay? He had a girlfriend at the time so I didn’t think this was possible. He never knew that I found out and probably doesn’t know that I know till this day. Anyways, this disgusted me so I disregarded it.

I’m in about 8th grade now and I’m jacking off like crazy. Didn’t care when or where, I would find a way to do it. Pics would do it for me. When I had the time my favorite porn was milf, lesbian, ass and Latina porn..one day when nobody was home I decided to try to give it a go by jerking off to my brothers transwoman porn collection. I was disgusted by doing it but for some reason I was still hard and eventually did the deed..at this age, I didn’t think anything of it. It didn’t really phase me as it does now but it was almost normal to me..maybe because my brother normalized it without knowing..

Im still in 8 grade and my parents rent out a basement to this guy. The man was strange. He had kids but would also get picked up by another guy in the morning for work. Always thought this dude was weird. Come to find out - the guy was gay. I found out because he left his door open one day and I snooped in his room..this man had cut outs of gay porn taped all over his room wall. I was fucking disgusted and told my oldest brother and his friend. They go to check out the room and come running up the stairs laughing and scared. Long story short, the guy never paid his rent so my parents kicked him out. That room later became the room for me and my second oldest brother.

One day, I caught my second oldest brother watching gay porn. He tried to hide it but I caught on before anyone else in my family did. After jacking off to regular porn and transwoman porn..one day I came up with the stupidest idea and jacked off to gay porn. I’m still in 8th grade but this action really made me feel disgusted. Worse than the transwoman porn. I kept it at regular porn and on occasion I would watch transwoman porn - but I didn’t think anything of it. I was still a normal kid.

Fast forward to my HS years and my first GF. I’ve been jacking off to transwoman porn on occasion like it was normal even with a GF. As I grew older and after the breakup of my first ex, post HS - the idea of jacking off to transwoman porn started to effect my mental. I decided to make a life changing action that kind of ruined my life. I decided I wanted to move to Las Vegas to pursue my music career. I was supposed to move in with a friend who I had known previously. Long story short - it didn’t work out, the kid ended up in the hospital as I touched down and I had no place to stay. Coincidence, I ended up staying at a motel and there was a transgender person who stayed next to my room..I was sick..the first time I’ve seen one in real life and it looked more like a dude. I ended up coming back to my hometown with no car and job and living in my moms basement..I was so depressed. I felt like I let everyone down. I was unemployed for about 4 months. I used transwoman porn as an escape from all my problems. This was one of the darkest points I ever reached. It would be transwoman porn every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. It got so bad that I would watch gay porn sometimes. When I came from watching gay porn I always felt a really bad sick to my stomach feeling. Then I found sissy porn...this was way too addicting for me and it got me to a point that I was thinking of becoming a female...I kept thinking about it..running away from everyone not telling anybody where I went. Finding a way to turn into a transwoman and do transwoman porn. There would be plenty of times I would catch myself and ask why am I doing what I’m doing and why am I having these thoughts? There were multiple time I wanted to kill myself. But the transwoman porn would make me feel better, and also make me feel like shit..

Fast forward to a year later and now I’m employed and making money. I have a car, still live with my moms but everything is okay now. I started taking psychedelics and really tried to pick my brain and explore what it is that got me hooked to transwoman porn. There was a point where I was on shrooms and tried to watch transwoman porn and it did not work out. For the first time in my life, I thought I had beat my addiction. My body and the shrooms was telling me “this ain’t right”. I stopped watching transwoman porn for a while but my urges would come back. I’m in my second relationship and after that, my third one a couple years later. I was still watching transwoman porn here and there but this time - feeling absolutely disgusted with myself after doing the deed..

Fast forward to the recent years - I dabbled with NoFap. About a year and a half ago I discovered NoFap and gave it a go. I would go 1 week tops before having urges again. But this time the urges were just with regular porn. I got to a point where I did NoFap for a month. I relapsed but with regular porn. Although my transwoman addiction has shaken off, I was still watching porn. But this was progress, it’s been almost a year since I’ve watched transwoman porn so I was kind of happy.

Fast forward to the present and here we are: in Quarantine..with the gyms shut down, I really have a lot of free time and guess what happened, I started binge jacking off..and guess what came back, the infatuation of transwoman porn. It’s been so long since I’ve seen it and at first was disgusted. It didn’t seem right but as the feelings from all those years ago came back, I decided to just submit to it. Now I feel like my addiction has come back. I know it has because I just spent an hr looking at transwoman porn before this post without jacking off. That’s a serious problem.

I’m trying to do NoFap again but I’m always getting urges. The benefits of NoFap are true and I’ve experienced them before..I just wish I had the drive to tell myself “no” when it comes to porn, especially transwoman porn. I need help..

Extra fact: the group of friends I used to hang out with when I was at my lowest used to think I was gay. They would say subliminal jokes about me thinking I wouldn’t catch on so this also affected my mental. This happened because I was single for so long after my first ex and was also going through moving back here. They also know that I have a gay brother and know about the gay guy that was renting the basement previously. I kept questioning my sexuality especially with the porn I was watching..until I got my second GF they kind of switched up on me, not expecting me to get a girl. I’ve since broke apart from that group and have gotten more girls than any of them today. I’ve never met up with a transwoman or even thought of men so idk why I keep having thoughts and questioning if I’m gay..I have these thoughts till this day but I shake it off because I know I’m not gay. I’ve been with more women that I ever thought I would’ve been with but when the transwoman porn comes back..it makes me question myself...especially with all the “non straight” things that I’ve experienced in my life.
Click to expand...
I wasn't able to send you a pm for some reason so please pm me.
 
Thank you! It’s awesome to read other people’s stories who’ve gone through similar things!
Nadav_co said:
Hey bro and welcome back! Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Unfortunately too many people here are battling with the same case as yours..
Please, check out this amazing thread:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/5-years-struggle-severe-hocd-transexual-porn.129195/

I find it as one of the most successful overcoming HOCD stories i've seen here.

Lots of good information about how to deal with it and to recover!
Good luck!
Click to expand...
 
Day 3 without PMO. The thoughts of just looking at porn without jacking off is surging. The interest to look up transwoman porn has decreased but I’m still thinking about it. I went to chill with a female friend last night and it felt so good just talking to her.
 
Had a heavy transwoman addiction for about the past 6 months , developed because I was bored of normal porn and cams , at first the genre didn't so it do for me at all and even still there are only a select few who kick start some primal animal festish of a women with an sex drive of a man and knows everything about how your mind and body works , something about it I'm the world of porn just turns me on, but it doesn't happen straight away I have to be bored of normal porn to have accumulated some escalation and conditioning to get into it , otherwise the first time I watch it really doesn't do much. For me it was like a fantasy I conditioned into my mind , the more I watched it the more I'd look for the really femine ones and get more accustomed to it. Initially I thought wtf have to be gay . After a while of really thinking about it and trialing certain things it's clear I'm definitely not , I watched two dudes once and only once because I really had to know if there was something there, I couldn't get hard at all and tbh I found the whole thing more funny than sexual because two dudes , it was like two buddy's , I don't know I just see it that way and there's literally nothing sexual about it for me , I've even tried to fap to the more masculine looking transwomen , the ones that clearly look like a guy but have long hair . Or ones that look like boys , I tried my damdest but could not get hard to it, the whole time there was this sick feeling constantly surging of disgust but I was so heavily addicted and trying to workout where it ends , I find that the only ones who work for me are the ones you literally couldn't tell and are actually even better looking than most beautiful women . It's bizzare , any others that have maybe a slight bit of maleness going on my my brain is kicking up a storm disgust responses and complete shutdowns of sexual engagement, but I was so heavily addicted to the novelty and finding ones that were so femine they created this bizzare fantasy , that I when the responses happened I would keep having to look away for a few seconds and try and re-engage to see if I could shut it out and look past these where some of the longest pmo sessions I've ever had just to try and finish , and would usually need to look around .

I've never been attracted to men or maleness ever never gotten a random hard on in a male presence or even secretly when watching TV or anything like that, this is not the case for women, my entire life ive always been sexually driven and responsive to women , and naturally especially in my teenage years fantisized all the time , even now especially when I quit porn , I can get the beginning of random hard ons if I'm close to a women that is particularly hot and freindly , I was in a lift with a hot women who is yea pretty hot and she chats everytime I see her , when your chatting and sharing a few moments of silence close in a lift your mind can automatically get to think and without realise your beginning to get hard without any manual handling .

Been around dudes all my life , slept in the same bed room with dudes and have been in the same room banging girls , never have I ever had thoughts or any sexual desire interest responses in my life ,

And I don't get anything from dude porn or masculine transwomen , so for sure it was extremely difficult to understand why I liked areas of this porn genre so much , when I watch cams you can interact with them , you can say all the nasty shit you want and there's something about turning on people on cams turns me on, I have a particular but odd knack for it , and loved doing it for years on female cams and it was a huge turn on when you can tell it's working on them. Because they drop the act and just straight up get right down to business, I remember I was talking to this women on cam one night and she was lying on her bed in just a white sleeves top shaven blonde hair and golden skin, and just her and the cam in her dark room on her bed , there where plenty of people talking shit and it was really not going anywhere . I just found her extremely hot and started talking dirty to her she continued the convo in pm without paying and the more I said the hornier and hornier she got , and started masterbating and sweating , i got a knock on my door and had to go and answer when I came back she was where the hell did you go, anyway I got right back into it and started upping the intensity of the dirty talk until her faces was glistened with sweat hot flustered and orgasming , when she finished laughed and said holy shit that was amazing and went offline , I never paid anything , I've done this so many times on cams because it turns me on big time being able to turn people on with dirty talk , when I started watching the really hot transwomen it was the same you could dirty talk them to finish without paying anything , I was mostly turned on by there femine expressions when you amped up intensity of dirty talk and the fantasy in my mind that this is literally a women but unique like a unicorn , half the shit you would say was just to turn them on, but the whole time in my mind transwomen here I had never any sexual interest or response to the idea of being fucked by a transwoman , it was all visual and as far as I would imagine getting a blowjob would be it . But I'd get turned on by turning the hot ones on, the masculine ones besides the disgust responses I couldn't dirty talk them because it was as though I had no point of reference to work on there was nothing genuine or inately arousing and I couldn't get into it even if I tried , my mind just disengaged as I said before .


But that's how fucked up the addiction to this genre is when you try to look away and look ok back to see if you can finish even though you keep disengaging and get constant disgust responses .

Never had my head so fuck with than this genre because of disgust, trying to find that one unicorn

When I stop watching porn all together I return to normal , and if or when I return I end up watching girls on cam and it's just as powerful as it had always been .

And the sight of transwoman porn the dick is dead .

It's the strangest thing , and definitely conditioning and your brain on porn make a lot of sense , when I watch girls on cam especially when I'm not porn sick im hard without any manual handling . transwoman porn even at the height of it never actually got me hard just watching ,. It made me think more that when your in an escalated state and fapping you and watching transwoman the fantasy and novelty especially the really femine ones you are literally seeking out the fantasy as you go, the feminity you see and her nympho like behaviour you begin to see an actual women and your mind puts the other pieces in like she has her own and knows how it feels and how you feel and you know she pretty much loves dick. So before you know it that's what your looking for everytime you seek out that material , it's a fantasy creates in your head .

You've seen real transwomen in real life and yea the reality breaks the fantasy .

I've managed to go the last few days no pmo and I'm not even having any urges to watch it , even though I've been hooked to it everyday for months ,

It's a bizzare genre to get into especially if your into women , the good thing though that through testing myself and thinking hard and honestly about it all , the only thing I get anything from is really femine ones and it doesn't ever go past that , not just the disgust responses but I literally cannot get hard.

Long winded as fuck reply , but yea strange that it is, but it seems to be pretty damn common, among straight guys and guys who have a heavy porn addiction . There's a lot of guys married with kids I've spoke to who also have a transwoman fetish , or have had one .
 
Thank you for sharing your story with me! I can agree with you I’m the same when it came to looking up transwoman porn, I would only look for the feminine ones. Once it was the transwoman fucking a dude I had to turn it off..
Onwards90 said:
Had a heavy transwoman addiction for about the past 6 months , developed because I was bored of normal porn and cams , at first the genre didn't so it do for me at all and even still there are only a select few who kick start some primal animal festish of a women with an sex drive of a man and knows everything about how your mind and body works , something about it I'm the world of porn just turns me on, but it doesn't happen straight away I have to be bored of normal porn to have accumulated some escalation and conditioning to get into it , otherwise the first time I watch it really doesn't do much. For me it was like a fantasy I conditioned into my mind , the more I watched it the more I'd look for the really femine ones and get more accustomed to it. Initially I thought wtf have to be gay . After a while of really thinking about it and trialing certain things it's clear I'm definitely not , I watched two dudes once and only once because I really had to know if there was something there, I couldn't get hard at all and tbh I found the whole thing more funny than sexual because two dudes , it was like two buddy's , I don't know I just see it that way and there's literally nothing sexual about it for me , I've even tried to fap to the more masculine looking transwomen , the ones that clearly look like a guy but have long hair . Or ones that look like boys , I tried my damdest but could not get hard to it, the whole time there was this sick feeling constantly surging of disgust but I was so heavily addicted and trying to workout where it ends , I find that the only ones who work for me are the ones you literally couldn't tell and are actually even better looking than most beautiful women . It's bizzare , any others that have maybe a slight bit of maleness going on my my brain is kicking up a storm disgust responses and complete shutdowns of sexual engagement, but I was so heavily addicted to the novelty and finding ones that were so femine they created this bizzare fantasy , that I when the responses happened I would keep having to look away for a few seconds and try and re-engage to see if I could shut it out and look past these where some of the longest pmo sessions I've ever had just to try and finish , and would usually need to look around .

I've never been attracted to men or maleness ever never gotten a random hard on in a male presence or even secretly when watching TV or anything like that, this is not the case for women, my entire life ive always been sexually driven and responsive to women , and naturally especially in my teenage years fantisized all the time , even now especially when I quit porn , I can get the beginning of random hard ons if I'm close to a women that is particularly hot and freindly , I was in a lift with a hot women who is yea pretty hot and she chats everytime I see her , when your chatting and sharing a few moments of silence close in a lift your mind can automatically get to think and without realise your beginning to get hard without any manual handling .

Been around dudes all my life , slept in the same bed room with dudes and have been in the same room banging girls , never have I ever had thoughts or any sexual desire interest responses in my life ,

And I don't get anything from dude porn or masculine transwomen , so for sure it was extremely difficult to understand why I liked areas of this porn genre so much , when I watch cams you can interact with them , you can say all the nasty shit you want and there's something about turning on people on cams turns me on, I have a particular but odd knack for it , and loved doing it for years on female cams and it was a huge turn on when you can tell it's working on them. Because they drop the act and just straight up get right down to business, I remember I was talking to this women on cam one night and she was lying on her bed in just a white sleeves top shaven blonde hair and golden skin, and just her and the cam in her dark room on her bed , there where plenty of people talking shit and it was really not going anywhere . I just found her extremely hot and started talking dirty to her she continued the convo in pm without paying and the more I said the hornier and hornier she got , and started masterbating and sweating , i got a knock on my door and had to go and answer when I came back she was where the hell did you go, anyway I got right back into it and started upping the intensity of the dirty talk until her faces was glistened with sweat hot flustered and orgasming , when she finished laughed and said holy shit that was amazing and went offline , I never paid anything , I've done this so many times on cams because it turns me on big time being able to turn people on with dirty talk , when I started watching the really hot transwomen it was the same you could dirty talk them to finish without paying anything , I was mostly turned on by there femine expressions when you amped up intensity of dirty talk and the fantasy in my mind that this is literally a women but unique like a unicorn , half the shit you would say was just to turn them on, but the whole time in my mind transwomen here I had never any sexual interest or response to the idea of being fucked by a transwoman , it was all visual and as far as I would imagine getting a blowjob would be it . But I'd get turned on by turning the hot ones on, the masculine ones besides the disgust responses I couldn't dirty talk them because it was as though I had no point of reference to work on there was nothing genuine or inately arousing and I couldn't get into it even if I tried , my mind just disengaged as I said before .


But that's how fucked up the addiction to this genre is when you try to look away and look ok back to see if you can finish even though you keep disengaging and get constant disgust responses .

Never had my head so fuck with than this genre because of disgust, trying to find that one unicorn

When I stop watching porn all together I return to normal , and if or when I return I end up watching girls on cam and it's just as powerful as it had always been .

And the sight of transwoman porn the dick is dead .

It's the strangest thing , and definitely conditioning and your brain on porn make a lot of sense , when I watch girls on cam especially when I'm not porn sick im hard without any manual handling . transwoman porn even at the height of it never actually got me hard just watching ,. It made me think more that when your in an escalated state and fapping you and watching transwoman the fantasy and novelty especially the really femine ones you are literally seeking out the fantasy as you go, the feminity you see and her nympho like behaviour you begin to see an actual women and your mind puts the other pieces in like she has her own and knows how it feels and how you feel and you know she pretty much loves dick. So before you know it that's what your looking for everytime you seek out that material , it's a fantasy creates in your head .

You've seen real transwomen in real life and yea the reality breaks the fantasy .

I've managed to go the last few days no pmo and I'm not even having any urges to watch it , even though I've been hooked to it everyday for months ,

It's a bizzare genre to get into especially if your into women , the good thing though that through testing myself and thinking hard and honestly about it all , the only thing I get anything from is really femine ones and it doesn't ever go past that , not just the disgust responses but I literally cannot get hard.

Long winded as fuck reply , but yea strange that it is, but it seems to be pretty damn common, among straight guys and guys who have a heavy porn addiction . There's a lot of guys married with kids I've spoke to who also have a transwoman fetish , or have had one .
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Don’t even let the thought of a transwoman or porn entertain your mind for a second.
Put blocks on, get accountability, post, get counselling, plan your days, early nights and good routine, healthy self soothe list to replace your addiction and reward yourself for being an amazing person, limit alcohol. Be compassionate to yourself, watch your brain trying so hard to trick you, cold showers, stretching, Excercise, Set goals dreams and work towards to being that best version of yourself and the life you deserve.
These things have helped me so far. But using this website has worked wonders :)
 
I am struggling with the same kind of addiction, I went deep down the rabbit hole during this lockdown at a point that it has become an obsessive thought. I got physical reaction from my body just thinking of it, my legs starts shaking, I need to swallow and I feel my brain tingling.
I have neen addicted for long time but these are new symptoms.
Anyway it is somehow consolatory that there are other people fighting the same battle, I will try to come here everyday ( I am the most inconsistent person on earth).
 
If it helps, feel free to message me or even post on this thread. I feel like coming to this site and reminding myself by posting in this thread about how I’m doing has been helping me. Not going to lie I did take a peep at regular porn today but it didn’t even effect me and immediately shut it off. Kept myself busy and ended up cleaning my room, doing my laundry and even cleaning my car (after not cleaning it for a year).
Mr.Anderson said:
I am struggling with the same kind of addiction, I went deep down the rabbit hole during this lockdown at a point that it has become an obsessive thought. I got physical reaction from my body just thinking of it, my legs starts shaking, I need to swallow and I feel my brain tingling.
I have neen addicted for long time but these are new symptoms.
Anyway it is somehow consolatory that there are other people fighting the same battle, I will try to come here everyday ( I am the most inconsistent person on earth).
Click to expand...
 
Thanks for the advice! Ever since this quarantine happened I’ve been feeling depressed but I feel great right now and am going to try to keep it up. Really just waiting on the gyms to open up because once that happens..I’ll be too busy to even look at porn!
Peaceful magic 21 said:
Don’t even let the thought of a transwoman or porn entertain your mind for a second.
Put blocks on, get accountability, post, get counselling, plan your days, early nights and good routine, healthy self soothe list to replace your addiction and reward yourself for being an amazing person, limit alcohol. Be compassionate to yourself, watch your brain trying so hard to trick you, cold showers, stretching, Excercise, Set goals dreams and work towards to being that best version of yourself and the life you deserve.
These things have helped me so far. But using this website has worked wonders :)
Click to expand...
 
I think your situation is pretty difficult (but not impossible) because you were introduced to transwoman/gay perversions when you were at a very young age. Kudos to you for abstaining from that form of pornography for as long as you did. But, you getting those cravings again and jacking off to transwoman porn is a warning- a warning that if you fully submit, you will find a way to up the ante and watch more extreme and depraved porn. Even though you feel shame about it- im telling you right now: cut your losses and give up porn indefinitely.

I love the quarantine because in a lot of ways it's like a true gut-check moment. There are no distractions, just you. You have to look deep down, look really deep down and ask yourself if you want porn out of your life. You have to truly want this. A life without porn is like you being born again. Forget all the superpowers that come with it. Know just that if you choose to abstain and replace this perversion with other life-staining activities- that you will become the man you've always wanted to be.
The first thing I would start with is basically giving up porn for a day. Make your a promise not to watch, not to even think about it. Even if you have to pinch yourself when you're having urges, don't watch. Next, thing you need to do is start filling that void with other activities. You like to work out right? Do pushups. Not that most fancy form of working out, but pushups work. Next, you need to utilize cold showers. In the beginning, hit yourself with cold water everytime you have a urge. If you can talk a fifteen minute walk outside. Just get some air in your lungs. Next, like you're doing now, keep a journal here on Nofap for the next 30 days and update the journal everyday. Finally, get a book to read. Start educating yourself.

Now, this plan may seem very blunt or systematic- but I promise you, just give it a try for about a week and you'll feel different. Eventually, you're gonna make certain choices to improve your life for yourself. Don't be afraid to reach out like you're doing now. We are all here to help you. Beating porn- all kinds of porn- is possible.

Good luck out there.
 
Thank you :emoji_pray:
Slayerknightlvl55 said:
I think your situation is pretty difficult (but not impossible) because you were introduced to transwoman/gay perversions when you were at a very young age. Kudos to you for abstaining from that form of pornography for as long as you did. But, you getting those cravings again and jacking off to transwoman porn is a warning- a warning that if you fully submit, you will find a way to up the ante and watch more extreme and depraved porn. Even though you feel shame about it- im telling you right now: cut your losses and give up porn indefinitely.

I love the quarantine because in a lot of ways it's like a true gut-check moment. There are no distractions, just you. You have to look deep down, look really deep down and ask yourself if you want porn out of your life. You have to truly want this. A life without porn is like you being born again. Forget all the superpowers that come with it. Know just that if you choose to abstain and replace this perversion with other life-staining activities- that you will become the man you've always wanted to be.
The first thing I would start with is basically giving up porn for a day. Make your a promise not to watch, not to even think about it. Even if you have to pinch yourself when you're having urges, don't watch. Next, thing you need to do is start filling that void with other activities. You like to work out right? Do pushups. Not that most fancy form of working out, but pushups work. Next, you need to utilize cold showers. In the beginning, hit yourself with cold water everytime you have a urge. If you can talk a fifteen minute walk outside. Just get some air in your lungs. Next, like you're doing now, keep a journal here on Nofap for the next 30 days and update the journal everyday. Finally, get a book to read. Start educating yourself.

Now, this plan may seem very blunt or systematic- but I promise you, just give it a try for about a week and you'll feel different. Eventually, you're gonna make certain choices to improve your life for yourself. Don't be afraid to reach out like you're doing now. We are all here to help you. Beating porn- all kinds of porn- is possible.

Good luck out there.
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I've enjoyed some transwoman p myself, if it's the prostate stimulation that you enjoy, bring pegging into your relationship if your comfortable with your partner, I know me and my wife have enjoyed it very much. It is something that is hard to bring up, but I notice that couples are more into it than ever before, fun for both parties. I agree with all the manly things you've said and the ones that look more like guys and it doesn't do anything for me and the beautiful ones are the ones that make it hard not to watch. Good luck
 
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