Traps, anxiety and in need of help

Weeb Spider

Weeb Spider

New Fapstronaut
Hi guys, so eh, I have a lot of Issues and I believe it was finally time to talk and search for help, specially seeing how supportive everyone is in there, so first I would apologize for my English as is not my first languaje; second a warning of sort, gonna talk about transwomen/traps and some possible HOCD behavious that I have developed, so that if you are not confortable with that stuff you could leave, I don't want to trigger people who have maybe passed for similar things.
First I would like to talk about my porn experience: I started consuming porn and masturbating around when I was 11-12 years old (I'm currently in my 20s) mostly with soft stuff like female solo and lesbians, around that same time I got into anime, so if was kinda naturally that I would end up in certains things later on... I remember how I always said that I didn't like watching MxF only cuz I didn't want to see dicks (Ironic considering my current predicament), anyways, as time passed I started slowy to reduce watching porn and moved onto drawn porn/hentai/etc; I looked mostly the same single women or lesbian/yuri stuff and I basically jerk off every single day, no exception.
Years passed and slowy got into more traditional things (as traditional as pornography could be lol), but then problems started to arrive, Masturbation becomo more of a routine to me and I started to loose that "feeling" ya know? It wasn't the same anymore and I couldn't get that "high" anymore... And then it happened, I got into traps, they weren't a foreign concept to me, but maybe as everyone else it was very weird to me and I didn't really like it, I just happened to come across one someday and said "yk, for a man is kinda cute", after that I didn't know what was I thinking and started to look traps hentai just as a joke and curiosity, the first time was awful, to this day I don't know why I continued, but I did it, and as time move on, it was basically the thing that turned me the most and used more than females or normal genre.
I said that it was just a Fetish, that I was still straight and then...I started to develop some serious anxiety, like really big, watching men maked me anxious as fuck, beeing real or just draws (evidently transwomen/traps makes me feel the worse) I feel pretty bad, I started to always look at their butts or their crotch just to see a reaction or even just their legs or arms, started to feeling losing interest in girls; everything went really bad one night when I was sleeping with my little brother in his room, I stared at him and disturbed thoughts came, I feeled like shit, I couldn't sleep that night. Didn't really help at all that I time I quitted collague so I was mentally bad.
One year has passed since then, I returned to collague, but I couldn't really came across a solution to my problem, I have tried to quit porn but I hadn't been able to at the moment, had done silly things using only vanilla porn just to feel nearly nothing; aside from that, recently I have started to have thoughts about girls (being real or fitcional), thoughts like "You don't really like her", "You are just lying to yourself" and then getting frustrated when I couldn't get a good reaction on me.
With all of that said, I would like if all you could help me, maybe I'm bi or even gay and I'm just in denial, but it just hurts to be like this, feel like you have lied to yourself all these years, but I would glady accepet any comentary or help, I would probably start looking for psychology help.
Sorry for the wall of text, I needed to talk about this, thanks for reading this, I will await your responses.
 
I agree with the posts above that suggest your attraction to traps and even men may be just porn-induced and that one way to know would be to give up porn entirely for a long period. But of course that is easier said than done.

But another thing I'd suggest is to lighten up. Another way to look at this is that your attraction can just be in the world of fantasy. It's pretty normal to fantasize about all sorts of sexual stuff, whether or not you watch porn that matches your fantasy. And those fantasies in many cases say nothing really about who you are as a person. Gay fantasy doesn't mean you're gay any more than straight fantasy means you're straight. And fantasy, with or without porn, can be fun. In particular, it can meet the brains interest is novelty.

Think of it this way. Have you ever fantasized or day-dreamed about becoming an astronaut or something like that? No one would say that was harmful or perverted. But having that as a fantasy also doesn't mean that you want or are somehow compelled to become an astronaut in real life. I mean, maybe you will and that's okay too. But you don't have to be. It can all remain a fantasy. Same thing with gay fantasy. Maybe you are gay or bisexual or something else, but fantasy doesn't prove that one way or another.

And the point is that you can go anywhere with fantasy and its not harmful (separating any problem with porn from the discussion -- which can be a problem whether or not you watch gay or straight porn). So just lighten up. Maybe even give yourself permission to explore your thoughts through fantasy. Maybe they will lead you to some insights about yourself. Or maybe it's just your brain having fun.
 
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Weeb Spider said:
Hi guys, so eh, I have a lot of Issues and I believe it was finally time to talk and search for help, specially seeing how supportive everyone is in there, so first I would apologize for my English as is not my first languaje; second a warning of sort, gonna talk about transwomen/traps and some possible HOCD behavious that I have developed, so that if you are not confortable with that stuff you could leave, I don't want to trigger people who have maybe passed for similar things.
First I would like to talk about my porn experience: I started consuming porn and masturbating around when I was 11-12 years old (I'm currently in my 20s) mostly with soft stuff like female solo and lesbians, around that same time I got into anime, so if was kinda naturally that I would end up in certains things later on... I remember how I always said that I didn't like watching MxF only cuz I didn't want to see dicks (Ironic considering my current predicament), anyways, as time passed I started slowy to reduce watching porn and moved onto drawn porn/hentai/etc; I looked mostly the same single women or lesbian/yuri stuff and I basically jerk off every single day, no exception.
Years passed and slowy got into more traditional things (as traditional as pornography could be lol), but then problems started to arrive, Masturbation becomo more of a routine to me and I started to loose that "feeling" ya know? It wasn't the same anymore and I couldn't get that "high" anymore... And then it happened, I got into traps, they weren't a foreign concept to me, but maybe as everyone else it was very weird to me and I didn't really like it, I just happened to come across one someday and said "yk, for a man is kinda cute", after that I didn't know what was I thinking and started to look traps hentai just as a joke and curiosity, the first time was awful, to this day I don't know why I continued, but I did it, and as time move on, it was basically the thing that turned me the most and used more than females or normal genre.
I said that it was just a Fetish, that I was still straight and then...I started to develop some serious anxiety, like really big, watching men maked me anxious as fuck, beeing real or just draws (evidently transwomen/traps makes me feel the worse) I feel pretty bad, I started to always look at their butts or their crotch just to see a reaction or even just their legs or arms, started to feeling losing interest in girls; everything went really bad one night when I was sleeping with my little brother in his room, I stared at him and disturbed thoughts came, I feeled like shit, I couldn't sleep that night. Didn't really help at all that I time I quitted collague so I was mentally bad.
One year has passed since then, I returned to collague, but I couldn't really came across a solution to my problem, I have tried to quit porn but I hadn't been able to at the moment, had done silly things using only vanilla porn just to feel nearly nothing; aside from that, recently I have started to have thoughts about girls (being real or fitcional), thoughts like "You don't really like her", "You are just lying to yourself" and then getting frustrated when I couldn't get a good reaction on me.
With all of that said, I would like if all you could help me, maybe I'm bi or even gay and I'm just in denial, but it just hurts to be like this, feel like you have lied to yourself all these years, but I would glady accepet any comentary or help, I would probably start looking for psychology help.
Sorry for the wall of text, I needed to talk about this, thanks for reading this, I will await your responses.
Click to expand...
I am in quite literally the exact same position. If you want read my Last post and drop me a pm. I have a feeling that we can help each other out. I also suffer just from traps. They arouse me but they make me feel terrible
 
Weeb Spider said:
Hi guys, so eh, I have a lot of Issues and I believe it was finally time to talk and search for help, specially seeing how supportive everyone is in there, so first I would apologize for my English as is not my first languaje; second a warning of sort, gonna talk about transwomen/traps and some possible HOCD behavious that I have developed, so that if you are not confortable with that stuff you could leave, I don't want to trigger people who have maybe passed for similar things.
First I would like to talk about my porn experience: I started consuming porn and masturbating around when I was 11-12 years old (I'm currently in my 20s) mostly with soft stuff like female solo and lesbians, around that same time I got into anime, so if was kinda naturally that I would end up in certains things later on... I remember how I always said that I didn't like watching MxF only cuz I didn't want to see dicks (Ironic considering my current predicament), anyways, as time passed I started slowy to reduce watching porn and moved onto drawn porn/hentai/etc; I looked mostly the same single women or lesbian/yuri stuff and I basically jerk off every single day, no exception.
Years passed and slowy got into more traditional things (as traditional as pornography could be lol), but then problems started to arrive, Masturbation becomo more of a routine to me and I started to loose that "feeling" ya know? It wasn't the same anymore and I couldn't get that "high" anymore... And then it happened, I got into traps, they weren't a foreign concept to me, but maybe as everyone else it was very weird to me and I didn't really like it, I just happened to come across one someday and said "yk, for a man is kinda cute", after that I didn't know what was I thinking and started to look traps hentai just as a joke and curiosity, the first time was awful, to this day I don't know why I continued, but I did it, and as time move on, it was basically the thing that turned me the most and used more than females or normal genre.
I said that it was just a Fetish, that I was still straight and then...I started to develop some serious anxiety, like really big, watching men maked me anxious as fuck, beeing real or just draws (evidently transwomen/traps makes me feel the worse) I feel pretty bad, I started to always look at their butts or their crotch just to see a reaction or even just their legs or arms, started to feeling losing interest in girls; everything went really bad one night when I was sleeping with my little brother in his room, I stared at him and disturbed thoughts came, I feeled like shit, I couldn't sleep that night. Didn't really help at all that I time I quitted collague so I was mentally bad.
One year has passed since then, I returned to collague, but I couldn't really came across a solution to my problem, I have tried to quit porn but I hadn't been able to at the moment, had done silly things using only vanilla porn just to feel nearly nothing; aside from that, recently I have started to have thoughts about girls (being real or fitcional), thoughts like "You don't really like her", "You are just lying to yourself" and then getting frustrated when I couldn't get a good reaction on me.
With all of that said, I would like if all you could help me, maybe I'm bi or even gay and I'm just in denial, but it just hurts to be like this, feel like you have lied to yourself all these years, but I would glady accepet any comentary or help, I would probably start looking for psychology help.
Sorry for the wall of text, I needed to talk about this, thanks for reading this, I will await your responses.
Click to expand...
you're a normal person, you're not gay or bi. you're straight but porn has made your mind sick.

stop watching and after a year you'll be back to normal. but stick to nofap forever.
 
Its a quite normal occurence in men. After years of porn abuse I also suffer from this, I acted out my desires with other men and found out I didnt really like it. I wish it hadnt come down to that anyway. Im reading a book called Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson. It encouraged me to start my nofap journey. Its a great read and im sure it will help you tremendously. Take Care!
 
You fetishize them and create sexual fantasies in your head which lead to desensitization. These things can go away with a proper reboot.
But it seems that you also developed OCD what will be the hardest part in your healing process.
To overcome both together will be hard but you can do it.
 
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