trepidacious

Hi, I'm brand new to the site - I'm not even quite sure how much I want help - I just know porn has taken over my time when I'm alone - I'm 37yo male, so I can't just shoot one out and be done with anymore either - it becomes a massive waste of time. I have a girlfriend who I love, who loves sex as well, but if I could find one I would fuck any willing hole, when she's not around. (I'm bicurious in this way, so either a man or woman) I'm just lucky in that way that I haven't found a workable scenario for this. But I am constantly finding new ways to try for satisfaction.

 

ok - just wanted to check back in and report that just hanging out on this site has not just encouraged me, and distracted me, but made me completely soft and therefore more focused, for lack of a better phrase. I read a little of the reboot document and I've decided toward a porn-free goal of one week to start.

 

I just visited tumblr and got hard - haven't done anything yet and have gotten soft in the meantime - came here to complete that trip - if successful I'm going to try a NOfap with porn for this week - if not - back to square 1 - - - I guess I should be doing a journal instead

 

Thanks man!

 

Ok - well I think I figured out that journals are just forums - so I am assuming it isn't against the rules to continue this as a journal. This is day 2 of no masturbation without a porn ban of a 1 week goal.

Today I am lucky - at least this morning - I have a doctor's appointment soon, so I can only go on tumblr for a short amount of time - there'll definitely be no time to try to come. But I can't help noticing the warm feeling in my brain when I first see something on there. Mission accomplished - but now I'm running late!

 

the general weakness continues - but still literally "NoFap" - I did go to Craigslist and email 2 people from there - luckily those things never work out - but I did email one guy - those are hit or miss I think, but I'm always too shy - so that's probably good - I'm on tumblr now again....

.... this time it was just boring - I got more hard on CL than tumblr - and now I shall move on with my day without spending half of it naked on the bed.

 

Now I'm on a chat site.... luckily striking out pretty much - although I almost got attention of who seems to be a local girl - cheating would certainly stop the fapping - that's for sure . . . damn she logged out... and now I'm out of time again - but I really wish I could shoot one out quick - but this is better - better than I can't - that I won't - that I don't - I keep telling myself that...

 

day 3

nothing in the email, nothing going on dating site, tumblr no problem , I got into a conversation with the website's chat agent though - that was about to get hot, well, no - it never was. . . . successfully not bringing the computer to the bed so I can continue to completion

 

ok - now I have some extra time - sort of - got an appointment cancelled. Now I'm fantasizing.... now I'm looking up cougars with glasses on pornhub .... now I texted a woman I used to have phone sex with ... now CL again ... CL is getting me soft.... found some stuff - now she's texting me back ... I do need to stop the porn too - I'm still wasting tons of time - but first things first I think... gone so far now - I'm just going to ask this woman I'm texting - I told her I'm trying to quit but that I was hard.... I'll do what she says:::... she's not telling me - but I'm gonna stop - my gf is gonna need me to fuck her good today - got through it

 

Day 4 I believe: That long edge from yesterday makes me realize I have to do more, but at the same time I succeeded the original plan - but of course I wasted a tremendous amount of time. Had sex, for the first time since the reboot, with the gf of course - that seems to be helping with the resolve perhaps - but at the same time - I feel this weird obligation to go to tumblr - so I do - and no problem....

 

just came back from a bunch of errands - want to reward myself by u know what. I ripped all my clothes off as soon as I got in the house, wanting to show anyone and everyone in the wwworld my package, as soon as humanly possible. But I hesitate - but I still waste time - and I definitely want to fuck myself now - it ran it's course - still fap fee

 

today was a rough day outside of this area - so no fapping - no porn - no nothing - will be like this through monday - good time to start to say no to porn - I am going to attempt to do only correspondence and 4 tumblr posts a day though - that's it - probably will still not help - probably have to cold turkey....

 

Did my tumblr 4 + correspondence - then I did 8 more... but it is closed now for the rest of the day

 

still fapless . . . kind of wasted some time on tumblr ... in the bathroom .... while gf is waiting for it though

 

I'm going to practice playing a game instead of going to tumblr when I'm bored and available

 

that worked - now, a few things:

1. if anyone is reading here, then you might be wondering why I'm so dedicated to my tumblr activities - well - I'm wondering that too - I mean, I haven't been on there long and by nature of saving time I don't stay long enough to really get something out of it - the things that are most interesting are reading -most of what I could get out of reading would be an MO - reading being the P - - - I was hoping - as I have, so often in the past, that illicit relationships could emerge from this activity - and I am undecided on whether an illicit relationship would get me over porn or just be more of a bad thing.

2. I've realized my modified 1-week goal - and it feels like it wasn't that hard - right now I've been at least 4 days without any dedicated porn (meaning, just tumblr visits) - I could feel like a week without a wank might deserve me a wank or I can just keep going - another week, strictly only tumblr visits, looking forward to getting rid of tumblr - a weak goal of investigating just quitting that period...

3. more on the illicit relationships - It's just that I feel like I need to break up the monotony with something maybe - again -replace tube-sites and other porn with somewhat of an attempt at something real - also I came up with 2 real good ideas that I want to try...

I don't know...

 

the CL ads made me horny - then a tumblr member and I have been messaging - if she wanted to see my cum I'd show her right now - thnkfully I think I freaked her out before getting the chance...

 

CL ads produced only dudes - of course - but interesting... and they don't seem serious - good news is there's no time for tumblr then

 

I might have to start over - the tumblr girl wants to see it. . . . we'll see...