Trial separation...any advice please?

Hello,

We're going to attempt a trial separation.

Background...sorry if bores you.

The love of my life has been struggling with P addiction since his teen years. In and out of recovery for 2 1/2 years - mostly out. His initial reboot, 18 months ago lasted 120 days. This May he started a reboot which lasted 59 days but has been using for about 6 weeks now. P viewing and downloading. No M.
I suggested a trial separation, thinking it may give him some time and space to decide what he needs and wants from his life. Our relationship has become difficult, bad communication, 4 horseman etc etc. No real fun or laughter. Having fun just feels like faking it and ignoring the elephant in the room!

So I made the suggestion to give him some space and stay with my parents for a while, 1-2 months. This is my final attempt at reaching for hope as he says he doesn't feel capable of recovering, he has lost faith in himself and hope of recovery. He believes I should leave him because recovery is hopeless. However, he won't tell me 'he doesn't want to recover' or 'doesn't want a relationship'. He is riddled with fear, self doubt and depression.

I no longer know what to do for him or us

I don't particularly want a trial separation, I will find this very difficult. I know he will PMO in my absence, but that is his choice. He agreed that he would like a trial separation to deal with his addiction alone and only have to answer to himself instead of me. Okay, I appreciate and accept that. Yet he confuses me...I'm due to start counseling soon, he believes they may want to speak to him also which he is willing to do. He also said, if they offer him counselling he would likely go. I'm totally confused! What is going on?

So I've no choice but to bite the bullet and go, trial separation. At this stage I'm willing to try anything, whatever he needs. Part of me feels like moving on, but I want to be able to say I tried everything and stood by him for as long as I could.

Does anyone have any advice on trial separations? The best way to go about it? How long is too long? Contact/no contact? etc?
Thank you, S&L

 

Wow, really that bad huh?

 

Thank you again!

 

I know, it's okay. It can just be hard to hear...or read. Thank you!