[Trigger Warning] Having a tough time

I’ve been addicted to porn for about 7 years now; started watching consistently in my teens. Flash forward to today and I‘ve been dating my first-ever girlfriend for about 8 months.

Only problem? We’ve had to go long distance for a couple months while I’m at grad school.

Even when she was living with me for a bit, there’d be times where I’d slink away after she fell asleep to watch and jack it.

Yesterday I did something I wholly regret even more... paid for a happy ending massage. I felt horrible afterwards. Literally that night I prayed to God for the first time in years because I didn’t know what to do.

I betrayed my girlfriend’s trust and it was not worth it whatsoever. The woman I paid seemed dead inside—like a shell of a person. While horrible in nature, the experience was eye-opening to me as to what people in that kind of word are like in real life.

My emotions are a mix of despair, regret, anger at myself, and confusion as to what do. I know my first step forward is to admit my problem, but I don’t know how to overcome it.

What do I do? How do I move forward?