Trigger Warning. P-O's is it a relapse?

So, being a male who has watched questionable porn and who has a submissive side (these have led me to develop HOCD),

Spoiler: Triggering text

ive always wondered what a prostate orgasm would feel like. Has anyone here had one? Would doing it myself be a relapse or just seeing what i like?

Should i wait until a full reboot?