Triggered hocd

I'm a 32 year old male. I am very new to nofap and am just now realizing that i am addicted to porn. I knew I used it a lot but never thought of it as an addiction. I was introduce to it when I was about 9 with magazines and it progressed to highspeed internet porn. And it was straight or lesbian porn. Recently, I started watching a lot of transgendered porn and even gay porn sometimes even though I have never been attracted to a guy. Its only on the computer. I am majorly triggered about my porn addiction now because I am in a long term straight relationship and I just asked her to marry me. I love her deeply and I am still attracted to her, but I can't stop thinking about how she would feel if she found out about this. To make things worse, her brother and his girlfriend live with us and I have reason to believe they know my internet history because they are the internet account holders. They often bring up gay jokes and or low key comments that make think they may have seen something. And I am really upset about this. I feel like I should tell my fiance, but I don't want to ruin what we have. I feel emasculated, humiliated and shameful. I don't think I'm just being paranoid because my roommates family, who come over often for BBQ and what not, seem very different toward me and its knowm that they don't really like gay people. I feel stuck and I don't know what to do. I think I have always had some hocd since I was a kid because I was molested by a male teenager and even though I am attracted to women sexually and romantically, I am insecure. This has just escalated that dramatically. I feel trapped. Should I tell my fiance? Any advice would be awesome. Thanks

 

Thank you guys for the responses. That helps a lot. I'll definitely keep away from porn and probably won't be bringing it up to her for now. I do think she would understand, but it might still upset her at first. I think my paranoia came from me feeling guilty about the porn. It might just be in my head, so I'll just stay away from it.

 

Yes I am

 

Fortunately I haven't had pied very much. It has happened here and there, but it isn't a problem yet. I have never heard of PAWS until now. I'm not sure if I am experiencing that fully, but have social anxiety for sure. I haven't stopped using porng long enough i don't think. And I have had social anxiety before trying to reboot. I hope it doesn't get worse than it already is once I'm further along...ill keep trying either way.