Triggers are so engrained in all aspects of life

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by rockstarsteves, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. rockstarsteves

    rockstarsteves Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone - the thought of eliminating triggers seemed appealing at first until I realized it's just everywhere and connected to other compulsions

    From my computer, to my iphotos, to my saved tabs on my browsers, to all my social media accounts, to even yoga class! HAS ANYONE EVER GRADUALLY REMOVED TRIGGERS? I feel it would be overwhelming and disappointing to do it all at once

    It's almost like - who would I be without these things? I have spent YEARS collecting fetish pictures of people I know and like - it was so rewarding to be able to "see them naked" (to a foot fetish person - seeing barefoot pictures on the beach etc is equivalent to a boob guy seeing boobs (or other private body parts). WITH SO MUCH TIME< EFFORT AND ENERGY invested in building and saving my porn - I can't imagine WHAT THE HELL I WOULD DO IN MY FREE TIME - it's been my goto for boredom and pleasure for prob 25 years or more

    Fact is - fantasy has become so addicting - feels so good - it's that high from immediate gratification and getting what you want. But the reality is - my sex life is nothing BUT fantasy. it's prob why I have chosen unavailable partners, and become addicted to them (unrequited crushes).

    It's conflicting - I am happily starting this nofap path (BINGE relasped after 7 days - on day 2 now) - but the part of eliminating and deleting all of my rewarding triggers / photos and collections I've compulsively worked on all these years seems ...upsetting!

    INSIGHT: I thought having real life BDSM / Fetish sex would be the solution but even browsing sites with dominants triggered me to relapse. I think it's cause something forbidden (such as straight men indulging in a gay man's foot fetish) feels possible - and the fact that they would do this (even if it's for money or findom) makes me feel UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED by them even tho there is no real connection. it also makes it exciting to think that straight men would really let me kiss their feet - being that i'm a gay guy. part of me is aware that this would just lead to more fantasy, addictive sex (replacing PMO) and one-sided connection tho

    CAN'T TELL IF MY DESIRES ARE GENUINE AND SHOULD BE ACTED OUT (that i'm a true submissive with a foot fetish) or if that's just fantasy that has become intensified by porn highs and addiction. Can you relate on some level regardless of gender, orientation and kink?
    Would love to hear your thoughts on this!
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
  2. Spoony

    Spoony Fapstronaut

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    Before i started NoFap my desires started leading me to Trans area where it got to the point i was urging myself to go and find a trans to have sex with and act out what i had saw and fantasied about. Since starting NoFap those urges have subsided quite a bit. The fantasy is always there but until i find myself healed to a level i class as being healed i am unsure if i will ever act out that fantasy.

    I deleted my collections because i wanted to give myself the best possible chance to succeed in healing myself. Surprisingly i was neither filled with regret nor happy about deleting my collection. It was 3 clicks of a button and it was gone.

    As for triggers. Some triggers actually don't trigger me anymore. Its hard to explain and hopefully in however many days it takes i would be able to explain this more but my triggers aren't there anymore. And my trigger was a specific article of clothing that is widely worn by women day to day and for that trigger to be gone dumbfounds me completely so much so i i am at a loss for words.

    It all comes down to how serious you are about an addiction and getting over it
     
  3. rockstarsteves

    rockstarsteves Fapstronaut

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    Wow amazing ! and I think the inspiring part of your message is that - triggers can change (with time or insight, nofap etc). In other words - maybe with healing - I can enjoy social media without having to permenantly give that up to.

    Congrats to you and thanks for your post
     
  4. Spoony

    Spoony Fapstronaut

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    Nothing to lose and everything to gain.
     

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