Try and Try, I will succeed.

So,

This is my first post.

I'm old 34 yrs, started in my teens. Heavy on porn. It is/was rhythmic. I had to masturbate morning then at night, it was a routine and i needed to stick to it.

i was also a smoker for 10 years but cleared that years back.

I would combine both for the ultimate trip, alcohol. I don't want to get into that.

Then last year I felt miserable and quit with "aggression" for 2 months solely relying on will power. I am married important note and there is a little one too.

Then again, I tried in March sometime, 40-50 days, this was done is complete Monk Mode with complete stress of spirituality and will power.

Now, at 15 days, studied a lot before getting into this one, just eased myself into it. I have read and tried to understand what am i dealing with.

I have failed, its important to fail and what I have come to the following conclusion:-

I understood that I could "control" it. The end defines the means. It me at the end and me in the process. So i began to understand who is this me. And obviously, I am still searching because that is the basis of every religion for which we are fight so much. If you understand who you are then, you are a Buddha. SO, before that i need to get lust out of the way.

I relied on:-

a) Bhante Yuttadhammo- I tried to understand not only lust, but also, anger, jealousy, hate, ego, they are have the same quality as lust.
b) I read J.Krishnamurthi. His prospective is important. Everything online, read on "pleasure" "passion".
c) I read the Gita - I'm Hindu so, its the same in every religion, person of "Spirit" and mind of "flesh" for the Christians. I'm not religious but what if there is the Savoir there within me. Anyone who can help most welcome.
d) Most important Yoga routine for an hour available free on youtube type "Sivananda", I try and do breathing exercises alternate days.

Now with all this knowledge, I have come to fight the battle. I could not stand with aggression, nor with control. To my limited understanding, it can be done with compassion and I don't know if anyone has had this experience where I started to feel I had a "heart" not the organ but compassion. When I looked without lust, I could see differently.

I need to have compassion firstly for myself, that's what i understood because the same mind will become the sword to fight lust.