Try, Try and Try Again! Never giving up, but here for real this time

Hello my fellow Fapstronauts!

I'm happy to be a part of this incredibly supportive and empathetic community. I've been following/reading/lurking on this site and the Reddit for about 2 years now as I've tried to go No PMO, but I finally decided to take the plunge and join the community for real.

A little background about myself - I'm 28, male, was a teacher for about 2 years but am now deciding to look into two passions I've always had but never really pushed myself to pursue - writing and acting. I think realizing that I wanted to reach my fullest potential and be my most authentic self is why I'm trying to take my No PMO more seriously this time.

I want to be the person that I know I can be.

I'm not currently in a relationship, and am happily single. I think I know that I'm just not ready for anything right now and I would like to develop more as a person (especially with regards to my own self-love and self-worth) before trying to build something with someone. I'm also challenging myself to be celibate till at least the end of June so I can more completely focus on my goals without trying to think about dating or trying to get with someone.

Porn and masturbation have been ever present in my life since I was 12. Having lots of health problems from the time I was 12 led to a very low sense of self worth - I didn't see anyone as capable of loving me, never mind lusting after me. Porn and masturbation turned into a coping mechanism - whenever I was sad or angry or upset, I'd use it to get that rush of positivity and release, and then go back to whatever I needed to do. I also had very high ideals with regards to relationships and was committed to the idea that I wanted to be in love before having sex. I got my wish! At 21 I lost my virginity to my first-ever girlfriend, and while it was beautiful emotionally, physically my sex life was far from my ideal. I was often in my head and couldn't always get it up. Which was weird, I'd be so turned on mentally, but it was like I was completely disconnected from my penis. I'd sometimes have to imagine random, multiple sex scenes from porn vids in order to sustain an erection long enough to go for at least a little while (or a very long while - erections were never consistent) and hopefully make her cum before cumming myself. I have had similar experiences with every woman I've been with since and I hate it.

I want to be able to have the sex and love life that I've always dreamed of. I've joined NoFap because I think that this is part of the answer - resisting the instant gratification of PMO and working on one's goals and dreams to become a better person.

So glad to be here. Wishing you all peace, love, and strength on your own life journeys.

 

Thank you for the kind words and support!
I'm so happy that you and your husband were able to figure things out and take this head on. Success stories like yours give me hope that I too can make this change.

 

Thanks Michael!

 

Hi D.J. !

I've read and re-read all the NoFap materials and resources provided.

I currently am utilizing the following pre-emptive strategies

1) Meditation - I use the Headspace App and do at 10-20 minutes every single day. I'm currently on a 52 day streak, which is a huge deal for me with regards to consistency.

2) Journaling - I picked up the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. She advocates a morning journaling exercise of three pages longhand every morning. The book is great and guides you through each week. I had done it for a few weeks before messing up and I restarted this past Saturday, so this week is my new "Week 1" with her journaling program

3) Exercise - I'm currently utilizing two programs (I'm on Week 2 with both of them)
A. 7 Weeks to 50 Pull Ups
B. 100 Push Ups Program

4) Cold Showers (3 min every morning after a 5 min period of hot water,shampoo,soap)

5) Vegetarian Diet
As someone suffering from PIED, inconsistent erections, PE, as well as a chronic illness since I was 11 (Ulcerative Colitis) I recently took the plunge to being at least 95% Vegetarian. Healthy grains and plant based protein, only the occasional meal of meat for a special occasion. Been doing it for a month so far and maybe had 3 meals with meat in that time when I went to NYC to visit friends.


To get myself out of a urge or a sexual fantasy? That's been much harder but I've had luck with the following thus far

1) Holding my breath (as outlined on NoFap)
2) Physical exercise - i usually do Push Ups, but thinking of also doing Planks and Hip Bridges to keep my core balanced and not feel too "top heavy" with my current exercise regimen

 

Hey guys,

Unfortunately, I relapsed on Wednesday March 1st

I think I had just put too much on my plate - I was feeling stressed out and I had just come out of a doctor's appointment where my doctor had told me that my health wasn't as good as it should be. As soon as I got out of the hospital, I'm waiting out in front and I just go on autopilot - I go on my phone and start looking at escort ads (I've basically made my mind believe that it's not as bad as actual porn) one after the other. I'm just looking for that burst of dopamine, that rush of good feelings. After a while I could get a handle on my mind and see that I was basically edging by looking at different ads. I wasn't watching porn, but I was basically doing the same thing.

When I got home I fought it for a while but eventually kept looking at ads until finally masturbating and orgasming. So yeah...I messed up. I lasted a full week before relapse.

I'm back though - Yesterday was my new "Day 1," but I didn't feel ready to go on a computer so I stayed away to give myself some time. Today is Day 2, and I'm back to my original goal - Hard Mode 90 Day Reboot. My Reboot will end on May 31st.

So glad to be able to share with all of you wonderful people. I'm going to write a proper journal in the Reboot Logs section and also copy and paste this admission of relapse in there to share.

Peace and Love!

 

Thanks D.J.!