Trying again

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Mr. Robot, Apr 2, 2019.

  1. Mr. Robot

    Mr. Robot Fapstronaut

    I've been addicted to porn for probably 20 years now. It's gotten to the point where things have escalated, and I seek out new fetishes and have gotten selective. I've tried rebooting before and failed miserably, but I've got to keep trying.

    Lately I've been very depressed. My life is not that bad by any stretch, but I'm unhappy with my weight and my appearance and my job/income. I keep losing myself in porn/masturbation and other addictive behaviors like video games and television, alcohol, eating. I don't date unless it's internet dating, and that usually doesn't go very well. A couple years ago I was with a woman and discovered that I couldn't perform. I feel that it's because of the porn, because by hoarding and obsessing over it and watching it constantly, my brain interprets what excites it as pixels, etc.

    For whatever reason, I chose to try again last week, and I'm currently on day 6. I already feel different, in a good way, but temptation is everywhere. For the last couple of days I've felt just a constant awareness of my penis. It's shrunken back a bit, and just feels weird and tingly. It's hard to describe. I have to be very careful, because when I've tried this in the past, I've convinced myself that it's unhealthy not to ejaculate, so I've compromised and said, well I'll do it without touching it and while thinking of real women rather than porn. But every time I do something like that, it almost immediately throws me off the wagon and I end up relapsing a short time after.

    Any advice for me on how to make it stick this time? How do I cope with the strange sensations? How do I keep my brain from floating back to those thoughts, or trying to trick me into relapsing?
  2. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    I have no magic answer to your question. You have to decide not to PMO no matter what and simply not do it anymore. No one can do it for you. Accept depression, anxiety, mood swings and other ills as part of recovery process. You can't run away from withdrawals and PAWS, not after 20 years of any addiction. They are part of recovery game now, just accept the pain. You also need to implement changes in lifestyle (like this self-help progam ) and find out what has caused you to escape into PMO rabit hole in the first place. As you can see there are no easy answers. Anstention from porn is just prerequsite to start your healing process.
    Infinite spirit likes this.

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