Trying hard to deal with self-loathing, sexual confusion, self-isolation, etc.

AtomicTango · May 4, 2020

karibmati29 said: ↑

OK I see where you're getting at. In my case I get aroused both watching men or women on screen AND in real life. So it doesn't matter if I see a sexy woman or man on screen or in real life, I'll get aroused, like I experienced a few times at the gym. With porn the level of arousal is highest with gay porn, a little less with straight porn, and barely non-existent with lesbian or transgender porn. If it's like a solo video of either a man or women the level of arousal will be the same if I saw the same exact person in real life.
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Alright now that is completely cleared up I think I can make a better assessment.

It sounds to me like you are bisexual. I dont for a second think you are gay, I think that you are attracted to men and women but perhaps not equally and not in the same ways. This is actually fairly normal for people attracted to both, I cant explain why that is, but it is apparently fairly common for it not to be a 50/50 split. If you are comfortable being with both then I see no reason why you shouldn't be. Its your life to live and as long as you arent hurting anyone then there is no issue here.

Where I think your problem comes from is in your other mental health issues, ie the depression and anxiety you experience. This problem will be harder to overcome because it doesnt seem like it is completely based on porn, although quitting porn 100% WILL make you feel better long term, as well as help with performance issues. There is a possibility that your mental health problems stem from a chemical imbalance, have you been checked for this at any point? If not it might be worthwhile. I know I felt like shit for ages and thought it was this and that, only for it to turn out I was diabetic and it was high blood sugar giving me mood swings. Not exactly the same thing sure but you get the idea. Better safe than sorry, and if it is a chemical problem, self improvement alone wont fix it. Thats not to say you should stop doing self improvement stuff, you should DEFINITELY keep up what you are currently doing and add more as you progress.

Supination · May 4, 2020

karibmati29 said: ↑

Hi @Nadav_co, yes I spoke to the therapist about it, but she did not know anything about it. Honestly it's hard finding therapists who understand these kind of things from where I'm from in the Caribbean. I had to explain to her about what NoFap is, PIED, a bit about HOCD, etc. Basically her point of view is that I should basically do what works in my best interest (in terms of me living my life as a bisexual) and not worry about what anybody thinks about me, but yeah that feels like a very generic therapy approach, not really a solution to the years of self-loathing. Maybe it would be easier finding an online therapist in the USA who's at least knowledgeable about NoFap. Are you aware of any that I could approach?
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Yea i bet finding a therapist who has worked with people who suffered From Sexual OCDs, PIED and porn addicts in general will be much more helpful and will suit you better. I wish i knew a Therapist from the USA who you could approach but i'm not from the USA (I live in Israel) But you can definitely research, I don't think it's too hard to find one these days. Especially when people are working from home.
BTW, I just want to make it clear, I'm not sure that my psychotherapist knew about NoFap until i told her so perhaps there are many who never heard about it either. But she has definitely worked with a lot of Porn addicts before and people who suffered from any kind of Sexual orientation OCD(Such as HOCD)...

karibmati29 · May 4, 2020

AtomicTango said: ↑

Alright now that is completely cleared up I think I can make a better assessment.

It sounds to me like you are bisexual. I dont for a second think you are gay, I think that you are attracted to men and women but perhaps not equally and not in the same ways. This is actually fairly normal for people attracted to both, I cant explain why that is, but it is apparently fairly common for it not to be a 50/50 split. If you are comfortable being with both then I see no reason why you shouldn't be. Its your life to live and as long as you arent hurting anyone then there is no issue here.

Where I think your problem comes from is in your other mental health issues, ie the depression and anxiety you experience. This problem will be harder to overcome because it doesnt seem like it is completely based on porn, although quitting porn 100% WILL make you feel better long term, as well as help with performance issues. There is a possibility that your mental health problems stem from a chemical imbalance, have you been checked for this at any point? If not it might be worthwhile. I know I felt like shit for ages and thought it was this and that, only for it to turn out I was diabetic and it was high blood sugar giving me mood swings. Not exactly the same thing sure but you get the idea. Better safe than sorry, and if it is a chemical problem, self improvement alone wont fix it. Thats not to say you should stop doing self improvement stuff, you should DEFINITELY keep up what you are currently doing and add more as you progress.
Click to expand...

Hey @AtomicTango thanks. Yeah I'm pretty sure bisexual would be the best label to describe it. You have a point about the concept of attraction not always being 50/50, the Kinsey scale explains that too. Personally it makes sense that people would be somewhere within the spectrum of that scale, like a straight woman might be into big breasts or vaginas but not a whole woman, or same with guys with e.g. muscles or penises but not a whole guy. Based on its grading scale I would rate myself a 4 or maybe 5, although I would rather be right in the middle (3).

That's a great suggestion about getting checked for a chemical imbalance; haven't thought about that at all. To think that being diabetic can cause mood swings...I wouldn't have guessed at all to be honest. I'll surely add to the list of things to pursue, as soon as this whole covid-19 pandemic returns to "normal" (or the "new" normal...). Maybe it's an imbalance that's partially causing my sinusitis, which I've already had surgeries for but haven't really solved the problem. I'll definitely check it out and also keep on with the other suggestions. Thanks again for everything!

karibmati29 · May 4, 2020

Nadav_co said: ↑

Yea i bet finding a therapist who has worked with people who suffered From Sexual OCDs, PIED and porn addicts in general will be much more helpful and will suit you better. I wish i knew a Therapist from the USA who you could approach but i'm not from the USA (I live in Israel) But you can definitely research, I don't think it's too hard to find one these days. Especially when people are working from home.
BTW, I just want to make it clear, I'm not sure that my psychotherapist knew about NoFap until i told her so perhaps there are many who never heard about it either. But she has definitely worked with a lot of Porn addicts before and people who suffered from any kind of Sexual orientation OCD(Such as HOCD)...
Click to expand...

Hey @Nadav_co thanks, I'll do some research into checking therapists in the States who are available to offer their services online, hopefully some more affordable ones. If not I'll look into therapists who at least treat people with porn addiction and sexual-related OCD, as you stated.

AtomicTango · May 5, 2020

karibmati29 said: ↑

Hey @AtomicTango thanks. Yeah I'm pretty sure bisexual would be the best label to describe it. You have a point about the concept of attraction not always being 50/50, the Kinsey scale explains that too. Personally it makes sense that people would be somewhere within the spectrum of that scale, like a straight woman might be into big breasts or vaginas but not a whole woman, or same with guys with e.g. muscles or penises but not a whole guy. Based on its grading scale I would rate myself a 4 or maybe 5, although I would rather be right in the middle (3).

That's a great suggestion about getting checked for a chemical imbalance; haven't thought about that at all. To think that being diabetic can cause mood swings...I wouldn't have guessed at all to be honest. I'll surely add to the list of things to pursue, as soon as this whole covid-19 pandemic returns to "normal" (or the "new" normal...). Maybe it's an imbalance that's partially causing my sinusitis, which I've already had surgeries for but haven't really solved the problem. I'll definitely check it out and also keep on with the other suggestions. Thanks again for everything!
Click to expand...

Anytime buddy, be sure to post here or message me anytime if you need anything!

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Trying hard to deal with self-loathing, sexual confusion, self-isolation, etc.

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