Trying NO PMO Day 12

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Julio 93, May 17, 2019.

  1. Julio 93

    Julio 93 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi. I am a 25 year old guy, good looking and I'm trying the NO PMO challenge at first for 30 days and then I hope to go to 90 days. I started seeing and masturbating to porn since I was 16 years old when I got my first laptop. Here is my story:
    At age of 10 I kind of had "sex" 3 times with a girl and it felt really good but at that age it was not real sex(just p... in v.... and rubbing) . Of course there was no Ejac.... at that time only the feeling of peeing. I felt so good and like I was in the moon. After that in 7-th grade I was in love with a girl at school but she never knew about it and I didn't say anything either. I was too shy to ask her out. Sometimes I was kind of "bullied" but not bad, just words said in a funny way. At that time I had a best friend (a guy) and we talked about sex stuff a lot with each other (and that we were in love with those girls and that we were to shy to ask them out) and he had the curiosity to try to rub each other. It felt good and it happened a couple of times (2 or 3) but it was meaningless for both of us just pleasure. I always felt so bad about it but I think it was the hormones. He was in love with a girl and I was in love with this girl who i was ashamed to ask. After that I went in gymnasium and my friend to another school. We took a little distance from each other but continued to be friends ( all what happened was meaningless for both of us). (We are good friends till this day. He got married a while ago. I was happy for him.) I was in love with this girl so much at that time. I just wanted to be with her and make love to her. Then in gymnasium I was kind of a loner. I changed drastically. I did nothing than studying the whole time. I had two female friends (but just friends) and just talked to guys in my class but never made a close friend. I was attracted to some girls at this time but i was too shy and never made a movement. At this time of depression I bought my first laptop and watched porn for the first time. It felt like heaven. I loved seeing girls naked with the bo... and everything and I masturbated a lot (sometimes even 3 or 4 times a day). But after two years of masturbating to straight porn hardly, it became kind of boring and monotone so I was looking for hardcore, s&m, shemale and even gay porn. Then it became interesting again and my penis was rock hard again. I continued to watch porn without thinking about everything else. One day was straight, one day lesbian, the other day gay porn and so on. I lost interest in everything. I even was questioning my sexuality(cause gay porn was also making me hard). I than went to university. I was away from my parents, so pmo became a lot easier. I was pmo-ing continuously and compulsively for 7 years to all kind of porn although it became more difficult to find vids that I liked (straigt or gay porn). I lost interest completely in girls . I didn't liked boys either. I was worried and asking myself if I am straight or gay or bi? I was really depressed.I couldn't imagine myself being with a guy. But one thing is for sure. I know that I want to have a girlfriend and to get married and also to have children. I love having a wife, making love to her, having a family and most I love children. I am also very romantic. I think of myself as straight although I think porn has messed me up. Sometimes I wasn't horny at all and despite that I opened porn and pmo-ed like crazy without knowing what I was doing. And I was not getting enough pleasure as before.
    Than I read a thread about PMO about a year ago and I have been trying to do it but till now the best was 5-7 days till i relapsed to porn. I have never had a girlfriend in my life till now. I am shy as fuck and I am afraid to ask someone out.
    I started to see that in the university I had major lack of concentration too and I felt always always very tired all the time even after sleeping for a long time sometimes.

    Now I am determined to change my life and I decided to do at first 30 days of NO PMO. I know it is hard. I am now almost at day 12 and I have been running every day. I feel relatively good, I have a lot of mood swings and I think I am in the Flatline. I have no desires at all. I was tempted on the first days to pmo but I controlled myself. Even in the flatline I am thinking of porn, but till now I have controlled myself. I know my brain is trying to trick me. I am trying to concentrate in my studies and exercising. I think that now it is important that I am accepting that I have a problem and hope I can do this. I want to feel I am a normal guy again, to get horny when I see a sexy girl and to begin dating. Any suggestions to help me fight pmo and to rediscover myself are welcomed. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2019
  2. djslo

    djslo Fapstronaut

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    Bravo Julio way to start grabbing the reins on your own life and sexuality. You will make it to your goal—having that vision and intent is the first and most important thing. My story is different—I have a wife (for now) and the kids are almost grown, and I can tell you there are great rewards there. Keep at it.
     
  3. Julio 93

    Julio 93 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for the motivation!
     

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