Trying This Out....Again....and Again

Hello NoFap community,

I'm 23 now and I've been looking at porn since I was 13, so this is a pretty deep-rooted addiction for me.

When I was 15 I was diagnosed with leukemia, and went through chemotherapy for 4 years. It was when I was 18 that I discovered the miracle of marijuana to cope with the trauma of being a high schooler with cancer. My relationship with weed was not at all healthy, and I lived in denial about that for a long time. Just over a month ago I finally made the decision to quit smoking. I am still going strong on that promise I made to myself, that for an indefinite amount of time, I would stay away from weed to get some perspective before I went back to smoking it, if and when that time ever comes (years down the road from now).

I'm finding now that while making up my mind and having resolve to stop smoking weed, it's not so straightforward for quitting porn. With weed, the trick was saying out loud "I am no longer smoking weed," as opposed to just saying "I am going to try to stop smoking weed." I have tried to lock the mentality into my head that "I am no longer watching porn" - and it works, for limited amounts of time, until I relapse and fall off the horse. I'll binge for a few days where I'll watch porn daily, and all the guilt will pile on until I get sick of hearing myself complain and I get back on the horse again.

I have made progress in the past - I think my longest time going without PMO was 2 months. I remember feeling amazing. It was a time in my life with little to no distractions, so I could focus solely on my self-improvement - I got huge into my personal spirituality, meditation, yoga, self-discovery, it was thrilling.

Now I'm back at school where I'm stressed, distracted, and more stressed. Porn has become a mindless habit to the point that it doesn't feel right to go to bed without PMO. Porn has become a way for me to deal with the grief I am holding onto of unmet desire from those I admire.
I hate this porn habit now and I want to change it. I wish I could snap my fingers and change over night but obviously that doesn't work or we wouldn't be here!

Sorry this was long, this is my first thread and I'm not sure what's a normal length. If you need more explanation or just want to chat, feel free to message me. I could also use the encouragement and would gladly accept any advice.