Hi everyone, I'm 20 year old guy, kinda cool for others but inside I'm struggling. I know the causes of my inner problems. So, I really want to say my story, but beforehand, my apologies if i make some stylistic or grammatical mistakes (English is not my main language). I started masturbating when i was like 11-12, since than we were close to each other. I didn't use to fap multiple times a day, but once in a day for sure. As i acknowledge ONLY now, the bad part of masturbation was developing through this years, slowly, but that was always there. To cut in short: 1. Masturbation gave me an addiction, Yes, I'm and I was addicted to masturbation, to porn. 2. I feel bad about myself for doing this (btw, if you don't, than masturbation is not problem for you, thats all placebo i believe, but placebo is very strong thing) 2. Many many good vitamins, 200 kinds of protein, Vitamin C, Calcium, Chlorine, u name it, Lost for nothing 3. Low confidence, High Anxiety. It would have been good if I found Nofap before, because i was struggling waaay to much like 8-10 months ago. I was smoking 2 packs of cigarette, doing nothing, masturbating, hating myself, becoming and becoming more miserable. At these times (In short fraction, in 2-3 months of this depression, when everything just hit me at once) i lost my friends, became most anxious than ever, i don't know what to say, it was just hell. I knew that if didn't change my thoughts, my emotions, bad habits, I was going to eventually just become destroyed, depressed, lost in thoughts and that was frightening me. So I said to myself - You gotta change, You have to, You must. Knew that this was not instant process, U cant change just in one click. But i have progress. Things i changed so far: 1. I quitted smoking, haven't smoked for 5 months. 2. Started going to the gym 3 months ago, I am in good shape now. 3. Started meditating 2 weeks ago, it's going good so far. I feel proud of myself, thats good, really good. But u know, as i mentioned, this process is long, it takes time. Now, sometimes i have depressive thoughts, I am still anxious, still low level of confidence, but in milder levels. And today, and many many other days, urge came to me to masturbate. But i didn't, instead i found this site, read many posts and than i felt that i too wanted to share my problems, my story to you. I am going to stop masturbating!!!! I relapsed many many times but now I feel confident about this. I feel good that i shared short part of my story to you. I will comment in this post about my progress, if i relapse, i will comment that too. Thank you! Thank you for reading this, If you understood me, Thank you!