Trying to change my masturbation ruined life

Jason762

New Fapstronaut
Hey guys, I’m new here and don’t quite know how I should start my recovery. I’ll tell you a few things about me first. I don’t want lie to you about anything here because I realized trying to talk things good is one of the things that brought me into this situation.

I am 16 years old and have been masturbating for 3 years. Being only 13 at the time I did not think about it very much and just thought of it as a “hobby”. I even thought it made me a bit more concentrated and consequently did it very often due to the hard school system here in Germany. I didn’t realize that the sensation that I experience after masturbation isn’t concentration, but more complete emotional numbness. In hindsight it is not a good thing to go through puberty, a phase of life where you are supposed to develop emotionally, being almost completely void of them. I started watching porn about a month after I first masturbated and it implanted these false ideals of beauty and how people should look and how they should be treated. When I realized that masturbation is not perceived very well, especially for people in my age group at the time, I got the sense that sex is also a taboo topic, which in my opinion it isn’t. But after so many years of masturbating it made me unsensible to any other way of arousal. Now I have a girlfriend, who is really beautiful and just perfect for me in every way, and she is the only person who can touch me emotionally in as long as I remember. I have tried stoping my masturbation habits many times already but I always relapsed, because like I said at the beginning, I always try to find reasons why it isn’t so bad to masturbate or watch porn. At the beginning of our relationship about a year ago, I didn’t feel the urge to masturbate any more and so I didn’t. But after my girlfriend started cutting herself due to her cousin dying, I relapsed and haven’t been able to stop since. Until that moment. I felt as happy as I’ve ever been, having a girlfriend whom I love and who loves me just as much and where every hug was worth all money on earth. I still love her but I am just so desensitized due to porn and my masturbation habits, that I can’t even get an erection when we want to sleep together although that was the first time I’ve seen a girl and especially my girlfriend naked in real life. I want to be able to please her and get back to the time where I was able to feel how much I love her.
Now every time I try to escape my addiction and relapse, I feel so depressed, because I think that I don’t love her enough to stop the habit.

Now I will try to stop masturbating and watching once and for all so that I can see my girlfriend how I used to see her.

If anybody has any advice I would be glad to hear it.

Thank you to everybody who read this post and who replied.
 
Welcome to the community Jason, You are safe here, and if you use this platform wisely, you can get back your life from shackles of this addiction.

It would be wise to understand the science behind this addiction,www.yourbrinonporn.com might help

I would suggest you start a journal, record your journey, your strategies, your affirmations...the way you deal with the challenges ahead

IMO, the first thing is to make a specific list of WHY you want to quit. Write it down, keep it near, and refer to it often.

There are tons of strategies guys have found helpful in their fight for freedom. These are some that work for me:

1. No cell phone or computer in your bedroom or bathroom. Also, use effective blockers. As for passwords: I read one guy drew 10 random playing cards from a deck and used those to type in, such as-- 17QA693K2J. Then just fold the cards back into the deck and shuffle. You have to out-fox yourself.
2. Don't be the last one up at night.
3. If you're alone in the house, go for a walk or run, call a friend, pray, cook something, vacuum, or whatever. Do not remain idle.
4. Cold showers! They reduce lust and clear your mind.
5. Exercise daily, make yourself sweat! Your body and urges have had their own way far too long. Time to show them who's the boss!
6. This is one tough battle, buddy. Stay strong, determined, and vigilant. Be patient with yourself.

Feel free to share your thoughts! Good Luck!!
 
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.
 
Hey guys, I’m new here and don’t quite know how I should start my recovery. I’ll tell you a few things about me first. I don’t want lie to you about anything here because I realized trying to talk things good is one of the things that brought me into this situation.

I am 16 years old and have been masturbating for 3 years. Being only 13 at the time I did not think about it very much and just thought of it as a “hobby”. I even thought it made me a bit more concentrated and consequently did it very often due to the hard school system here in Germany. I didn’t realize that the sensation that I experience after masturbation isn’t concentration, but more complete emotional numbness. In hindsight it is not a good thing to go through puberty, a phase of life where you are supposed to develop emotionally, being almost completely void of them. I started watching porn about a month after I first masturbated and it implanted these false ideals of beauty and how people should look and how they should be treated. When I realized that masturbation is not perceived very well, especially for people in my age group at the time, I got the sense that sex is also a taboo topic, which in my opinion it isn’t. But after so many years of masturbating it made me unsensible to any other way of arousal. Now I have a girlfriend, who is really beautiful and just perfect for me in every way, and she is the only person who can touch me emotionally in as long as I remember. I have tried stoping my masturbation habits many times already but I always relapsed, because like I said at the beginning, I always try to find reasons why it isn’t so bad to masturbate or watch porn. At the beginning of our relationship about a year ago, I didn’t feel the urge to masturbate any more and so I didn’t. But after my girlfriend started cutting herself due to her cousin dying, I relapsed and haven’t been able to stop since. Until that moment. I felt as happy as I’ve ever been, having a girlfriend whom I love and who loves me just as much and where every hug was worth all money on earth. I still love her but I am just so desensitized due to porn and my masturbation habits, that I can’t even get an erection when we want to sleep together although that was the first time I’ve seen a girl and especially my girlfriend naked in real life. I want to be able to please her and get back to the time where I was able to feel how much I love her.
Now every time I try to escape my addiction and relapse, I feel so depressed, because I think that I don’t love her enough to stop the habit.

Now I will try to stop masturbating and watching once and for all so that I can see my girlfriend how I used to see her.

If anybody has any advice I would be glad to hear it.

Thank you to everybody who read this post and who replied.

I know things don't look good right now, but I think you're in a great position.
You have a loving partner, and you have the self-awareness to know that masturbation is making you emotionally numb.

In my own experience (and I started masturbating at about 14 or 15), masturbation and porn have made me less sensitive in general---to sex, to my feelings, to the world around me. Don't deprive yourself of all that you can be and all that you can feel!

Good luck! You can overcome this!
 
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