Jason762
New Fapstronaut
Hey guys, I’m new here and don’t quite know how I should start my recovery. I’ll tell you a few things about me first. I don’t want lie to you about anything here because I realized trying to talk things good is one of the things that brought me into this situation.
I am 16 years old and have been masturbating for 3 years. Being only 13 at the time I did not think about it very much and just thought of it as a “hobby”. I even thought it made me a bit more concentrated and consequently did it very often due to the hard school system here in Germany. I didn’t realize that the sensation that I experience after masturbation isn’t concentration, but more complete emotional numbness. In hindsight it is not a good thing to go through puberty, a phase of life where you are supposed to develop emotionally, being almost completely void of them. I started watching porn about a month after I first masturbated and it implanted these false ideals of beauty and how people should look and how they should be treated. When I realized that masturbation is not perceived very well, especially for people in my age group at the time, I got the sense that sex is also a taboo topic, which in my opinion it isn’t. But after so many years of masturbating it made me unsensible to any other way of arousal. Now I have a girlfriend, who is really beautiful and just perfect for me in every way, and she is the only person who can touch me emotionally in as long as I remember. I have tried stoping my masturbation habits many times already but I always relapsed, because like I said at the beginning, I always try to find reasons why it isn’t so bad to masturbate or watch porn. At the beginning of our relationship about a year ago, I didn’t feel the urge to masturbate any more and so I didn’t. But after my girlfriend started cutting herself due to her cousin dying, I relapsed and haven’t been able to stop since. Until that moment. I felt as happy as I’ve ever been, having a girlfriend whom I love and who loves me just as much and where every hug was worth all money on earth. I still love her but I am just so desensitized due to porn and my masturbation habits, that I can’t even get an erection when we want to sleep together although that was the first time I’ve seen a girl and especially my girlfriend naked in real life. I want to be able to please her and get back to the time where I was able to feel how much I love her.
Now every time I try to escape my addiction and relapse, I feel so depressed, because I think that I don’t love her enough to stop the habit.
Now I will try to stop masturbating and watching once and for all so that I can see my girlfriend how I used to see her.
If anybody has any advice I would be glad to hear it.
Thank you to everybody who read this post and who replied.
I am 16 years old and have been masturbating for 3 years. Being only 13 at the time I did not think about it very much and just thought of it as a “hobby”. I even thought it made me a bit more concentrated and consequently did it very often due to the hard school system here in Germany. I didn’t realize that the sensation that I experience after masturbation isn’t concentration, but more complete emotional numbness. In hindsight it is not a good thing to go through puberty, a phase of life where you are supposed to develop emotionally, being almost completely void of them. I started watching porn about a month after I first masturbated and it implanted these false ideals of beauty and how people should look and how they should be treated. When I realized that masturbation is not perceived very well, especially for people in my age group at the time, I got the sense that sex is also a taboo topic, which in my opinion it isn’t. But after so many years of masturbating it made me unsensible to any other way of arousal. Now I have a girlfriend, who is really beautiful and just perfect for me in every way, and she is the only person who can touch me emotionally in as long as I remember. I have tried stoping my masturbation habits many times already but I always relapsed, because like I said at the beginning, I always try to find reasons why it isn’t so bad to masturbate or watch porn. At the beginning of our relationship about a year ago, I didn’t feel the urge to masturbate any more and so I didn’t. But after my girlfriend started cutting herself due to her cousin dying, I relapsed and haven’t been able to stop since. Until that moment. I felt as happy as I’ve ever been, having a girlfriend whom I love and who loves me just as much and where every hug was worth all money on earth. I still love her but I am just so desensitized due to porn and my masturbation habits, that I can’t even get an erection when we want to sleep together although that was the first time I’ve seen a girl and especially my girlfriend naked in real life. I want to be able to please her and get back to the time where I was able to feel how much I love her.
Now every time I try to escape my addiction and relapse, I feel so depressed, because I think that I don’t love her enough to stop the habit.
Now I will try to stop masturbating and watching once and for all so that I can see my girlfriend how I used to see her.
If anybody has any advice I would be glad to hear it.
Thank you to everybody who read this post and who replied.