Trying to conceive with ED

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by JHA82, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. JHA82

    JHA82 Fapstronaut

    Hi my wife and I are trying for our 2nd baby, and with my historical ED issues (linked to PMO), it's frustrating. My wife and I don't have a good sex life; never have for 2 reasons: (1) my ED from PMO before we started dating; and (2) we were friends for years before we became intimate, and from the first time we had sex and ever since, I've felt so much pressure and haven't been confident, that it's been awkward. For years.

    How do I balance (1) rebooting; (2) not having ED, which for me I know is all about relaxing and taking the pressure of maintaining my erection off; (3) keep my wife happy, and be able to orgasm to fertilize.

    Like, I have been saying to her for a few days now: "Let's just focus on having fun. Maybe one night we just fool around, have some oral fun, we don't even need sex every time." But she's so disengaged from physical intimacy with me after years of me being about a 50/50 shot when we're in bed, and her vice is that she puts SO much pressure on having a baby. It's excessive, like my PMO and pressure to not have ED is excessive. So our vices and what we need from each other directly work against the other.

    Can anyone relate??
  2. Damnation

    Damnation Fapstronaut

    Sounds like not a great relationship, maybe skip adding another child for now? See if you guys can even work it out? Doesn't sound like all the fault is on you, either.
    JHA82 likes this.
  3. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    I'm just going to say the obvious. Drop the porn. Do it for you. Own this 100% and don't give a shit about how it will or won't help the ED. Don't give a shit about having a baby. Drop the porn. Go Hard Mode, tell your wife but don't cater to her. Have sex when you are bursting and she is bursting (don't give a shit about the 90 days for the full hard mode either).

    Own the issue. Forget about "rebooting", you are dropping porn forever! If you slip, be honest and keep looking forward without shame dragging you down. You can do this if you rely on yourself. You are strong enough. You can do this.

    If the ED is still an issue, find is some other way to get the sperm out of you and into your wife.
    JHA82 and Psalm27:1my light like this.
  4. hope4healing

    hope4healing Fapstronaut

    I don't know if I'd actually call "wanting to have a baby" a vice, but clearly it's putting added pressure on you. However, you are aware of the factors playing into this situation, from both sides. You know that she's greatly affected by the years of PIED and that she really wants to have a baby. You also know the cause of your PIED and are aware of your struggle to kick the PMO addiction. You don't like that she's creating extra pressure for you on top of these other things, but she doesn't know about these other things. It's rather unfair to expect her to be understanding and to work with you on fixing things she doesn't even know about.

    Be honest with her. It's the only way for her to understand what's going on so she can work with you, not against you.
    Despicable me likes this.

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