Trying to figure this whole thing out...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Verisimilitude, May 17, 2019.

  1. Verisimilitude

    Verisimilitude Fapstronaut

    Hello all,

    I'm a 36 year old male who has been masturbating since I was 15. My first experience was with Cinemax (or Skinemax was the pun we used back in the day) and grew steadily into more hardcore endeavors and sex chat rooms.

    The growth at first was extremely slow. Between the ages of 15 and about 25, I tended to look at porn about once every 1 or 2 weeks, but every time I was lonely (ADHD has been known to cause social ostracism) I would indulge in the sex chatrooms, which later on created a very bad pattern of behavior.

    I got married when I was 25 and held out on porn and chatroom for the first six months of the marriage. Unfortunately, stress kicked in and I gave in. Around this time I started texting other girls and my wife found out. I tried over and over to push back against that behavior plus the chat rooms and porn, but constantly found myself just giving in. Eventually we separated for a few months and I sought some third party help and we ended up back together.

    It's been about 10 years since then and I still wrestle with it. Around the time I was married I had been working from home and had developed a habit of watching porn and going into the chatroom about every day. I was essentially teaching my brain that this was "stress relief."

    I feel that I have made progress. I stopped fantasizing (this still happens on occasion but I try to let the thought fade as I focus on something different) and I setup my electronic devices with all sorts of blockers (this helps too, but it has never been a full solution for me). It was at this point I started to see that the craving for pornographic things seemed to be triggered by different emotions. Stress and depression seemed to trigger the desire to watch porn, and loneliness triggered a desire for the chat rooms, so I tried different things to manage those.

    Cognitive behavioral therapy helped immensely. I joined an art discord and started workin on art gainz as an alternative form of therapy, which helped immensely because it replaced a bad habit with a good one.

    So after all that, I'm back to a steady PMO every 1-2 weeks. Some days though I have lapses and binge, and some days I just want to fucking give up, but I have to remain positive.

    Anyway, that's my story, thanks for reading.
    A47 likes this.
  2. Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.
    Verisimilitude likes this.
  3. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

    Hi @Verisimilitude !

    If you haven't already done so, please read the "Getting Started Guide" available on this site's (noFAP) home page. It has answers to many questions you may have, and includes a lot of information to help you get started on your journey of healing. Also have a look at the "Glossary" (look for it on the toolbar at the top of this page) for definitions of abbreviations and terms that may be unfamiliar to you.

    Make some time to think hard about what your really need to accomplish here. Whatever your goals and reasons for pursuing them are fine, as long as its something you really believe in and are willing to work hard to progress towards. Sometimes writing out goals and "the reason why I am here" helps clarify thinking. After you have your goals clear in your mind, think about how you will keep them constantly fresh in your mind. One way is to read your written goals twice - or more - times each day, every day. When we lose sight of our goals and reason for being here, motivation weakens and resets and relapses often follow.

    There is more, but for now, read the "guide" and then work on your goals and how you'll keep them constantly fresh in your mind.

    If you have questions not answered in the "guide" or other concerns, search this site's forum postings and if you still can't find an answer, post a question in one of the forums here.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
  4. Verisimilitude

    Verisimilitude Fapstronaut

    Thank you!

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