No-one really chooses to love a PA do they? They enter a relationship full of hope and eventually it, and your entire world comes crashing down. I was musing today whilst I sat in the car after running to the shops. Watching couples walk past and wonder what people think when they look at us? They don't see a PA and his struggling SO as they try to navigate this messed up foreign land. Something shifted over the past few days, I can't really explain what but it's like I am seeing things clearly for the first time in a while. The fog has lifted. I love him, but I love me more. I will no longer put myself second to his needs. I am not responsible for my partners urges. His addiction and his PIED are his issues, they were not caused by me and however much I try I cannot 'save' him. It is his battle to fight. I will support him, but I will not control or fight the battle for him, he has to do it for himself which admittedly he has not been doing. He is white knuckling it and failing and attempting to gaslight and lie. Oddly, I don't care. I can walk away from this relationship and although it will hurt, I will recover. Unless you get your act together, you will suffer from this affliction for the rest of your life. That is your cross to bear, not mine. This new revelation is startling. I feel strange, lighter even. I will do things for me. I've given him enough chances. We are together. I have given him 30 days to make dramatic changes or I will be leaving. I have never felt so sure of something in my life.