Trying to gain back my SOs trust

Day 258.

Well, it's Friday at last, and that means a couple of days off with the family, and we'll be spending a lot of Saturday on a train (4 of us but only 3 seats...)

Yesterday we had plans to be organised with the washing etc after work but it fell flat as we were tired and struggled to find the motivation to do it, instead we watched tv together. We have to sort stuff for tomorrow tonight, so no slacking off as the train leaves at 06:15 in the morning...

Today is going okay so far, although I've uncovered a heap of work to do this afternoon. Hopefully it won't be too time consuming as I have quite a bit to sort. But again it's Friday, and I will feel better at 5pm.

 

Day 261.

This weekend has been great. We spent Saturday from 06:15 traveling on a train down to London with the kids accompanied by "Santa", spent time around London, went a big Christmas market and then travelled back, getting home at nearly 11pm. Knackering, but the kids seemed to enjoy themselves, and it wasn't too stressful.

Yesterday was just a normal Sunday (except the kids were up later, and a bit more groggy) but for last night where we spent a couple of hours wrapping Christmas presents (we have never been this organised for Christmas before!). We went shopping, had Sunday dinner with Tans parents, and saw my dad, brother and gran for a cuppa and a chat later.

Work is going okay today, no stress just plodding on with what's to be done. Hopefully this week remains the same!

 

Day 262.

Last night was good, we cooked steak, corn and sweet potatoes and it with doughnuts!

Today Tan is on a late shift, so I'm trying to keep her informed of what I'm up to and how I'm doing, to try and alleviate some of her stresses, and I feel like it's going okay so far. I've done some chores, and I've got some work to do, so I've got plenty to occupy my time.

Today hasn't been to bad, I've been off bench doing audits this afternoon, which is boring, but fairly easy work.

We've got another busy weekend ahead, with me and Tan going to a gig on Thursday, Christmas shopping Friday, my staff night out on Saturday and a pantomime with the eldest on Sunday! Looking forward to a long weekend.

 

Day 267.

Well, this weekend has been tiring, somewhat drunken, but alltogether awesome!

We started off with a gig (an Irish folk/punk band called flogging molly) on Thursday, which was brilliant.

Then Christmas shopping (not so brilliant on account of the kids...) but finished the evening with some family over for an Indian and some wine.

Yesterday Tan was at work, but I never stopped all day doing chores, sorting Christmas stuff and visiting my gran, and when Tan returned, we went out for my works Christmas party, which was also excellent, and (I think) Tan also enjoyed it.

Today started with a distinct groggy feel (alcohol related) but we had to pick the kids up, we had a cooked breakfast and then took the eldest to see a pantomime (Peter pan) which was actually pretty good. We then went for a late Sunday dinner with my dad and gran and have finished the day by putting up the Christmas decorations.

All in all, it's been a busy, tiring but awesome weekend!

 

Day 267.

Having put up the Christmas decorations last night, the mood in the house has been transformed into Christmas mode. Like I've said before, this year will be more difficult than most, but I am still feeling positive and actually looking forward to it.

Last night, sleep was pretty poor. Our youngest was crying on and off through till morning as she's picked up a bug. So today is a tired one, making work more laborious than usual.

I'm quite looking forward to getting home and chilling out a bit.

 

I admit that I have had far fewer urges than I expected, but I made quite a few changes in my routine, to avoid situations where I might have ordinarily had them (No phone on the toilet, keeping busy when alone, communicating with Tan when I'm alone avoiding triggers such as social media, I watch very little tv alone).

As far as ogling goes, that is something I actively have to avoid on a daily basis, as not long back I had started to do it again. I tell Tan of all of my avoids (not necessarily in intricate detail, but if she has questions, I answer them).

I can't say exactly how your SO is managing, but unless he is putting some changes in place, it would be more difficult. Has he made changes?

 

Day 270.

I triggered Tan yesterday as I was late out of work, but I didn't let her know why when I finished. We talked about it and I will phone her to keep her informed as soon as I finish work when I'm running late.

Yesterday was pretty good, all the work was finished at work, but we were working till the last minute to get it all finished. We were both tired after work, so we decided to get a takeaway, which we try not to do so much now, but sometimes it has to be done!

Today isn't going too bad either, although Tan's day isn't going too well. She is working for another team today, but it appears that the rest of the team have dumped the majority of the workload onto her to do.

Tan is out tonight with the kids and some friends, so I will have to use the time to wrap presents etc, as I have a few to wrap up still for Tan.

 

Day 271.

So Tan had a shitty day at work yesterday, but she had a nice meal out with her friends and the kids. I tried to keep her updated on what I was up to while I was in on my own. I managed to get a fair bit done, all of the wrapping is done for her so far, and I did a load of housework as well. When Tan got back, she seemed in a decent mood despite work.

I'm tired today, but work is going okay, I'm looking forward to some restful days off at the weekend. Hopefully that will happen! Tan has her works Christmas party on Saturday, and my dad is coming round for a takeaway, staying sober in case Tan needs a lift home.

And our new dining table arrives on Saturday, in time for Christmas day, hopefully it fits into the dining room okay!

 

Day 272.

Friday has been busy, hectic, fun, accomplished etc. But finally the weekend is here again!

Work has been very busy today, working til the bitter end, but managing to clear the decks ready for Monday to start all over again.

Everyone was wearing Christmas jumpers today, and we had a free Christmas meal provided by the hospital I work at, which was actually not bad for hospital food!

We had news from the shop that our new dining table is out of stock (despite having arranged delivery, and even being given a delivery time slot for tomorrow) Tan phoned up and they were very vague about why this had happened, but one of the reasons we got it was for Christmas dinner, and if its not able to be with us before then, then I shall be complaining.

Anyway, rant over...

Assides from the table,this weekend should be good. Just a couple of things to do, so hopefully it'll be chilled out. Spending time with Tan and the kids, which I love.

Next week though, Tan has her first night shifts for over a year, which will be a big challenge for us. I believe that they will go okay, but I do hope she doesn't get too many more in the months to come, as it's a definite time when I would have PMOd. I am very confident that I won't slip but it doesn't mean I won't get the urge.

 

Day 276.

This weekend has been pretty good. We went shopping for shoes and placemats on saturday and Tan had her staff party on the night, and seemed to have a good time. When I picked her up she was pretty drunk and laughing and joking with friends. Sunday morning she regretted it though! While she was out, me and my dad had a takeaway and talked about all sorts of pointless stuff.

Sunday, I got the kids up and ready while Tan tried to sleep off her hangover, and we watched a movie with breakfast. After Tan woke up we got ready and went for the usual Sunday dinner and grocery shopping, then on for a cuppa at my dad's.

Tonight is Tans first night shift, and I'm confident it will go smoothly. I just hope Tan doesn't get too anxious about it.

 

Day 277.

Last night was Tans first night shift. We got the kids to bed, had food and had time for sex before she left for work. I think Tan was much more anxious than she let on, but on the surface she seemed okay. After she left, I tidied up, sorted out the dishes, prepared today's lunches for me and our eldest, then went to bed (after seeing to a screaming toddler...).

I would have often PMd before sleep, but I didn't really get any urges (perhaps the earlier sex helped, or I just don't feel the need, but either way, I was able to drift off to sleep without any trouble.)

This morning, I managed to get myself and the kids ready, and take them to their grandparents without too much stress. I think that tonight should hopefully be no more difficult.

After tonight, Tan is off until Christmas eve, which is nice. Hopefully we can have a chilled out lead up to Christmas.

 

Day 278.

Tans second and last (for now) night shift was last night. Again it went okay, without any problems other than having to settle the youngest when she awoke crying in the night.

Our routine before Tan left was much the same, only a little more efficient as we got the kids to bed quicker, leaving a little more time for us.

After Tan left I sorted the kids and my dinner for today, and did the dishes. I spent some time looking at changing energy suppliers before going to sleep without issue.

This morning went well. I got the kids sorted okay (with a little more stress than yesterday). Today is Christmas performance day at nursery so I had to dress them in Christmas outfits which are pretty cute.

Tan phoned me on her way home from work, when I was on my way to work so we spoke this morning, even if we didn't see each other.

 

Day 279.

Yesterday went well. Work was okay, very busy (and to be honest, I was a little lethargic making it feel busier...) and lots to do today.

Last night was a tired one for both of us. Tan was recovering from night shift, and I was just tired, for no obvious reason. We decided to have a takeaway and we sorted the last presents that we needed to get. After that we just talked in bed before sleep.

Today has been okay so far. We got the kids ready together (which I appreciated having Tan to help with that after her nights) and I went to work.

Work has been busy, and I have uncovered a load of problems that need fixing, but I feel quite motivated to get stuck into it today. I've also been given some time off bench to work on my portfolio today, so I'm getting that done as well.

Tonight my dad is round for some grub, and we're gonna ask him to look after the kids on Saturday so we can "deep" clean the house ready for Christmas day (sounds like fun...)!

 

Day 280.

Yesterday went well at work, and I've been given a load of portfolio stuff to complete over Christmas time. I've still got loads to do and not much time to do it (I need to complete it by March and I'm less than 1/3 of the way through...)

Today started off well. We got the kids ready together (Tan is off today so that wasn't too traumatic) and got ready and went to work, where I've been non-stop ever since.

Work is really busy today, but we are plodding through methodically. The mood in the lab is pretty good, gearing off for Christmas days off!

Tonight we will be wrapping the last of our presents and then we'll be ready for Christmas!

 

Day 282.

So, it's Christmas eve.
Everything is pretty much ready and just the finishing bits (like food prep) to do to commence the stressful, busy, frustrating, happy, mental day that is Christmas.

This year is one of the first that our eldest has been excited for it so it kinda makes it a bit more magical. So hopefully it will be a great day with loads of family.

Tonight we will have family round for the traditional Christmas eve Chinese takeaway... and I guess that the morning will start early as always.

Hopefully it will go without a hitch, and without any tears, but I can't guarantee there won't be any.

 

Day 284.

Christmas has been and gone for another year, far too much food was eaten, and probably (for some) too much drunk, but all in all, it was an excellent day of fun and family (despite the slight stress of organising food and present giving).

Today Tan has been at work,, leaving me to look after the kids and tidy up bits and bobs (the majority of the tidying we did last night).

I had thought I might have some difficult points yesterday (being the first Christmas without my mam) however having the kids and being so busy kind of took my mind off it and made it difficult to be sad when they were having such a good day.

Back at work tomorrow though, so all the build up for a crash back to reality!

 

Day 285.

Back to work today after a hectic, but alltogether great couple of days off. So back to earth with a bump. Did not want to get out of bed this morning, but an alarm clock and a crying bairn gave me no option!

Yesterday was good, despite the hangover (figuratively speaking) from Christmas. One of my good friends, and my best man, visited us after travelling up from "down south", and on the evening we were joined by my dad and my gran for a fry up of the leftovers from Christmas (one of my favourite things about Christmas!).

Tan is off today, but is feeling possibly more tired than me. Probably catching up with her.

Now we just have new year to look forward to before it's back to normal again. New year's day is always quite a big highlight as we have another massive meal prepared by Tans parents. New year's eve is not such a big deal with young kids to look after. My dad is coming round for grub and board games, so should be okay, but I doubt there'll be much hangover in the morning.

 

Day 286.

Yesterday we finished off the leftover meat and had chips with it. Was nice and now the fridge looks more normal again.

Tan is feeling pretty poorly today (which explains why she was so tired yesterday) so is trying to recover from that today.

Today, work is going well, but is very busy as we are short staffed over Christmas due to holidays etc. So I'm trying to fit 2 people's work in to one day, working in 2 sections. I feel like my work is appreciated though.